There’s Nothing They’d Like More Than Distance From You!

, , , , , | Right | April 20, 2021

I work at a fast food restaurant. My coworker is taking orders outside. She approaches a car to take his order. Note that masks and social distancing are required at our restaurant and are followed appropriately.

Coworker: “What can I get for you today, sir?”

Customer: “I NEED YOU TO STEP BACK.”

My coworker steps back a little to give him some space.

Customer: “THAT’S NOT SIX FEET!”

She steps back as far as possible, apologizing to him.

Coworker: “I’m sorry sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “YOU ARE STILL TOO CLOSE. You are DISRESPECTING all the DEAD PEOPLE! Stay away!”

My coworker starts to tear up after being yelled at, and having no other options, she completes his order and he drives to the window. At the window, the customer yells at the employee there.

Customer: “Where is my receipt? I NEED my receipt!”

The employee at the window tries to hand him the receipt when the customer suddenly shouts to STAY BACK. The employee can’t physically hand him the receipt without leaning forward. She decides to put his receipt in the bag and hands him his food on a tray.

Customer: “I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

One of my managers, who is really tough and doesn’t take people’s crap, comes to the window. She’s already heard what’s going on.

Manager: “Sir, I need you to calm down. We are following the proper protocols and are staying six feet apart. We wear masks and sanitize properly.”

Customer: “WELL, YOUR EMPLOYEE HATES DEAD PEOPLE! People are DYING because she gets too close! I don’t even want to come back here!”

Manager: “Okay, sir, I need you to leave the drive-thru. You are upsetting my employees.”

He continues to yell about being a “paying customer” and how he deserves “special treatment.”

Manager: “If you don’t leave now, I will take your food back and refund your money! I need you to leave!”

Customer: “DON’T DISRESPECT DEAD PEOPLE!”

He finally drives off. My manager checks on my employee that took his order. She is crying and terribly upset.

Manager: “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were being safe. Take ten minutes to calm down; you will be okay.”

Don’t be rude to fast food workers! We are doing our best to serve you during a crazy time.

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A Social Responsibility To Social Distancing

, , , , , | Right | April 19, 2021

We’re only allowed to sell our theaters to 25% capacity for social distance reasons. Once 25% is reached for a showtime, ticket sales are locked off in theater and online and no more tickets can be purchased for that showtime. Most people are very understanding since it’s the current law and the matter is entirely out of our hands. The phone rings.

Me: “You’ve reached [Theater]. This is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t buy tickets to the 7:30 Tom & Jerry! I’ve tried your website and [Theater Franchise Site] and neither of them is working! It keeps saying the theater is sold out even though I see there are still seats available on the seating chart!”

Me: “I’m sorry. If I had to guess, it’s probably because we’ve already reached 25% capacity for that showtime. That’s been a popular movie with families the past week.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “According to current state mandates, we’re only allowed to sell our theaters to 25% capacity due to the health crisis.”

Customer: *Confused* “But what does that mean?”

Me: “Once our movies hit 25% capacity, ticket sales are locked off and we’re not allowed to sell any more tickets. It’s a way to encourage social distancing.”

Customer: *Long pause* “Well, I don’t know about all that. That sounds fishy to me. But I see there’s plenty of seats available, so I should be able to buy tickets.”

Me: “Hmm… let me check that for you.”

I place the customer on hold and run over to a box office register. I check the seating chart and see that my suspicion was accurate. Our theaters have about 100 seats each, and twenty-five tickets have been sold for the showtime, so the system has locked off ticket sales. I go back to the phone.

Me: “I checked, and it looks like we’ve sold 25% for the 7:30 Tom & Jerry. So, unfortunately, we’re not able to sell any more tickets for that showtime.”

Customer: “But there are still seats left online! It just won’t let me buy them.”

Me: “I understand, sir. But due to current guidelines, we’re only allowed to sell our theaters to 25% capacity.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t mean anything to me. Why can’t I buy tickets?”

Me: “Because it’s currently the law that we can only sell to 25% capacity.”

Customer: “But I don’t think I buy that. That just sounds too fishy to me!”

Me: “Um… well, I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.”

Customer: “I don’t know that I believe you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I guess?”

Customer: “Fine. Let’s say you’re telling the truth… How can I know you’ve actually sold 25%? I see the seats that are sold online, and I don’t buy that you’ve sold 25% because there are so many seats still available!”

Me: “Well, you can count the total number of seats and divide it by four, and that’ll give you 25%… and you’ll see that we’ve already sold 25%.”

Customer: “Yeah… I don’t buy it.”

Me: “You… don’t buy math?”

Customer: “Nope, I don’t believe you! There’re so many seats available, and I don’t think you’ve sold 25% yet! And I also don’t believe that you’re only allowed to sell 25%, either. It just sounds fishy to me. I don’t buy it. I think there’s just something wrong with the websites and you just won’t admit it.”

Me: “Well, sir, there’s nothing else I can do. My hands are unfortunately tied.”

Customer: “Can I come in and buy tickets?”

Me: “You’re certainly welcome to try, but you won’t be able to buy tickets for that showtime, as it’s already hit 25% capacity.”

Customer: “I don’t buy it! I’ll be there in an hour. I’ll show you that there are still seats available!”

The customer hung up. Unfortunately, I was on my lunch break when he came in, but I was told that he stood there arguing for a good five minutes because he “didn’t buy” that we couldn’t sell more tickets. I swear, I’ll die a happy man if I never hear the phrases “I don’t buy it” or “sounds fishy to me” ever again.

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Double Clap!

, , , | Right | April 19, 2021

I’m finishing up a man’s transaction when I hear the lady next in line speak up pretty loudly and excitedly while clapping her hands.

Customer: “Yay, a human!”

I just laugh awkwardly out of respect. When I serve her:

Customer: “Sorry for the outburst, but I just hate self-checkouts in stores because I feel they take cashier jobs away from people.”

I understand. The next morning, I’m back on the register, and amazingly, I get a different woman who walks up to my register and says excitedly, while clapping:

Other Customer: “Yay, a human!”

Me: *Thinking* “How in the heck did I get two different women on two different days do the exact same thing?”

I swear when you work in retail, you get some of the craziest interactions.

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The Working Class Usually Has More Class

, , , , , , | Right | April 16, 2021

I run a free postal service for the homeless in California. There are a lot of people experiencing mental illness, so you get used to unusual behavior. A woman comes to the office.

Woman: “Hi. I’m here to pick up my check. My name is [Woman].”

Me: *Checks the mailboxes* “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t see any mail for you.”

Woman: “It should be there. I work for the CIA, and President Bush called me telling me my check was here.”

It’s 2016 and Obama is president. I just try to be nice because she’s clearly ill.

Me: “Well, have you received mail from them before? Maybe there’s a number you can call.”

Woman: “Oh, no. They communicate with me through a wire in my teeth.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything here for you.”

Woman: “It’s okay. I know it’s not your fault. I just need my money. Hope you have a good day.”

The next day, we get a telephone call. We can’t check mail over the phone due to staff shortage and overflow of clients.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Man: “Hi, my name is [Man]. Can you check my mail, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t check over the phone, but you’re welcome to come to the office.”

Man: “I work full-time, ma’am. I don’t have time to stand in line with all those r****ds.”

Me: *Shocked* “Sir, we don’t use that kind of language here.”

Man: “Well, I think you’re r****ded for working with them!” *Click*

To this day, I can’t get over how the lady, who was sick and suffering, managed to have more class than the “working man.”

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Another Day, Another Mouth-Breather

, , , , , | Right | April 16, 2021

I’m at the eye doctor waiting to be called when a guy comes in and loudly announces: 

Customer: “I guess I have to put on the face diaper.”

He puts on the mask but forgets to cover his nose.

Receptionist: “Please cover your nose.”

Customer: “I guess y’all don’t want me to be able to breathe. 666, a new world order is coming.”

He left without even letting them know what it was he needed.

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