Never Tried Fast Food Before

, , , | | Right | July 17, 2019

(I work at an independent fast food restaurant. An older couples walk in.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Wife: “Table for two.”

Me: “You actually order up here, and then seat yourself wherever you’d like!”

Wife: *very displeased* “How would I order up here with no menu? And how are we supposed to know where to sit if you don’t show us?”

Me: “We actually have our menu right above the register here; it has everything we serve o—”

Wife: “No. This isn’t proper. I want us to be seated with menus, like a real restaurant.”

(The husband sighs and mouths, “Sorry,” to me.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’ll take your order up here and then bring it out to you when it’s ready.”

Husband: *very upset with her* “Please just order, dear. Don’t argue with the young man about the tables.”

Wife: “No, I want to speak to your manager.”

(I go back to our office space to get her.)

Manager: “Hi. What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Wife: “Your restaurant doesn’t have hosts or menus.”

Manager: “Yup! You’re allowed to seat yourself here, and our menu is up h—”

Wife: “NO. I want a real menu!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have personal menus here.”

Wife: “What an awful place. I don’t see how you have any customers. [Husband], let’s go to the car!”

Husband: “I’ll use the restroom, quick, and then I’ll be out, dear.”

(She scoffs at me and my manager and leaves.)

Husband: “I’m so sorry. Please take this; I know customers like her are hard.”

(He gave me and my manager a $25 tip a piece. He now comes in to get food without her and is one of my favorite customers!)

If That’s Molesting It, What Do You Call Eating It?

, , , , , , | | Friendly | July 17, 2019

(I am ten years old. My mother sent me into the shop to pick up milk. After getting the milk, I notice that only one till is open. The woman in front of me has one yogurt on the conveyor. I put down a divider and my milk. At no point do I touch the SINGLE yogurt that this woman has on the conveyor.)

Woman: “Excuse me, did you just molest my yogurt?”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Woman: “You moved my yogurt!”

Me: “Okay… Sorry. I didn’t but…”

Woman: “It’s not okay! You molested my yogurt!”

Me: “I didn’t. I just want to buy this milk. My mum’s waiting.”

Woman: “You can’t just do that! You can’t just touch other people’s yogurt!”

(Another cashier opened a till, and thankfully I was able to buy my milk and escape unscathed.)

Customers, Help Yourselves

, , , , | | Working | July 17, 2019

(My mom has been on hold with our cable company, trying to figure out why they have started charging her over 30% more. Apparently, we’ve been paying for premium channels, which we never asked for or use. She has been put on hold again when this happens.)

Mom: *on hold* “Why are they charging me for stuff I don’t want?!”

Woman: *on the other line, picks up* “Hello?”

Mom: “Hello.”

Woman: “I’m trying to find out why my [Channel] isn’t working?”

Mom: “Um, I’m actually a customer, too.”

Woman: “What? How did that happen?”

Mom: “I don’t know. I’m trying to get my bill reduced and they put me on hold again.”

Woman: *laughs*

(My mom ended up having some laughs with another random customer about how weird and screwed up cable companies are. And we’re still trying to get our bill reduced.)

I Don’t Love You, Man

, , , , | | Romantic | July 17, 2019

(I meet this guy who is my customer at work. He seems normal, and we exchange numbers and agree to go on a date to the movies. We agree to meet at the theater to watch “I Love You, Man.” I get there first and I feel butterflies since I’ve never actually been on a date before, due to working a lot. I have a bad feeling, but I figure it is time to try it since I am already 25. The movie begins, and he doesn’t show. I call him and he picks up.)

Me: “Hey, where are you? The movie’s about to start!”

Guy: “Oh, yeah, sorry, but I can’t make it today.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “What?”

Guy: “Oh, yeah, I’m so sorry. I forgot that I don’t have a car.”

Me: “Um… How did you expect to get here, then? A taxi?”

Guy: “Yeah, I don’t have any money for that! I didn’t think that far ahead. I’m so dumb. Listen, do you think you can pick me up? I’m at the bus stop.”

(I decline and hang up. My intuition tells me to just ignore him, so I do and watch the movie by myself. After it’s done, he calls again.)

Guy: “Look, I’m so sorry again for not being able to come.”

Me: “Yeah, I had to watch the movie by myself, you know!”

Guy: “I said I’m so sorry. Can I call you later?”

(I agreed and hung up. Later, he came to my work and asked if he could have another date. I said no. Then, he started asking bizarre questions, like if I thought he was hot, and if I wanted to spend the weekend in a hotel on the beach with him. Keep in mind, we still didn’t have a date! I said no, and he asked if I had any hot friends to hook him up with. By now, all my coworkers were staring wide-eyed and he finally left… bursting into maniacal laughter as he went. I don’t think I’ll date again for a while.)

It’s Not Fair To Force Your Beliefs Unless They’re My Beliefs

, , , , , , | | Friendly | July 17, 2019

(I’m attending my local parent and baby group when a new mum arrives and sits next to me. We’re making polite conversation.)

New Mum: “Any plans for the rest of the week?”

Me: “Vaccinations are tomorrow, so I don’t think we’ll get much more done after that.”

New Mum: “Oh, I don’t believe in vaccinations.”

Me: *thinking, “Here we go,” and waiting for a lecture* “Oh, right.”

New Mum: “But I don’t think less of anyone who gets them. I even understand why you’d get them. I just don’t want to take any risks with autism. Anyway, your baby is lovely. How old is he?”

Me: *surprised that she’s not insane* “She’s a girl actually and she’s four months old.”

New Mum: “But you’ve dressed her in such boyish clothes.”

Me: “I’d say gender-neutral rather than boyish. It’s only jeans and a jumper, basically the same as I’m wearing.”

New Mum: “You shouldn’t dress her like that. She’s going to grow up confused and won’t know if she’s a boy or a girl. It’s really not fair of you to force your beliefs on her.”

(At this point, I realise she is crazy and a hypocrite, so I politely turn to the woman on my other side and start speaking to her, instead. The New Mum starts speaking to someone else and I mostly tune her out until she says this:)

New Mum: “Oh, I don’t give my son any toys. I don’t want him to become emotionally invested in material items.”

(Yep, definitely crazy.)

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