Using Every Muscle Except Her Brain

, , , , , | Working | January 6, 2020

(I have been working at my new job for about a month. I am heading to the kitchen when I notice our elderly receptionist trying to replace the toner in a printer. I see she is struggling so I offer to help.)

Receptionist: “Oh, thank you. I always have trouble with these big ones.”

Me: “No worries.”

Receptionist: “You’re quite a strong woman, aren’t you?”

Me: “Well, I grew up with five brothers. It helps to build muscle mass.”

(She gently squeezes my arm.)

Receptionist: “Yes, nice and buff, like a man.”

(She smiles.)

Receptionist: “Are you one of those transsexuals?” 

Me: “Um, no.”

Receptionist: “Hmm, I think you are. You’re too strong to be a woman. My grandson dresses up like that Gaga woman, and he can barely lift my cat.”

(She smiled again and left.)

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The Dog Is Being Treated Tenderly

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2020

(I am working the drive-thru at a small local fried chicken chain.)

Me: *answering the intercom* “Thank you for choosing [Store]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “I would like [meal that includes chicken tenders, fries, and a drink].”

Me: “Okay, what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want a drink.”

Me: “Would you like to order [snack meal]? It comes with three chicken tenders and fries?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want fries.”

Me: “We can order the chicken tenders individually, then. How many would you like?”

Customer: “[Meal that he originally ordered].”

Me: “That comes with a drink. What would you like to drink?”

(The conversation repeats.)

Me: “Would you mind pulling up to the window so we can talk easier?”

(The customer pulls up with a dog sitting in the front passenger seat.)

Me: “Did you want [Meal]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “What would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Oh, no drink.”

Me: *maintaining customer service smile best I could* “Would you like [snack]? It’s three tenders and fries.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t need fries.”

Me: “Would you like to order the tenders individually for [price] each?”

Customer: “Sure.”

Me: *relieved that some progress has been achieved* “How many tenders would you like to order?”

Customer: *turns to his dog, asks his dog how many, then turns back to me* “Small.”

Me: *pause* “I’m sorry, how many was that?”

(The customer again asks his dog and answers with small.)

Me: “How about three?”

Customer: “Yeah, that sounds good.”

(Luckily, the rest of the transaction went smoothly. As soon as the customer pulled away, my coworkers and I burst into laughter.)

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Her Attitude Does Not Compute

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2020

(I’m a customer in a popular fast food restaurant, picking myself up some dinner after a night church meeting. This particular fast food franchise has added kiosks in all stores where you input your order, pay using a debit/credit card or cash, receive a receipt with a number on it, and then wait for your number to be called. You no longer give your order to the employees, which allows them to focus on cooking the food and handing out orders when finished in a quick and efficient manner. I’ve used them several times in the past and have always received my order within minutes. Just after I have processed my order, I stand off to the side, waiting for my number, when I notice a woman with four kids standing near the counter. She does not have a receipt.)

Employee: *walking around and checking on the status of customer orders* “Excuse me, ma’am, what’s your order number?”

Woman: “Oh, I’m still waiting to order.”

Employee: “Do you need help with the kiosks?”

Woman: “No, I want to order at the counter.”

Employee: “Oh, we use the kiosks now; it’s much faster, and we–“

Woman: *cuts him off* “I refuse to use something like that. I want proper, real customer service as the counter. Are you telling me you do not do that anymore?”

Employee: *clearly having no idea what to say* “Uh, well, we use the kiosks because it allows us to focus on—”

Woman: *looking quite annoyed* “I don’t care. I refuse to use technology. Don’t you know they’re trying to steal everyone’s jobs? This is just ridiculous!”

Employee: “I can help you with the kiosk if you don’t know what to do, but—”

Woman: “I absolutely refuse to use computers! They’ll put everyone out of a job! They’ll take over your job!”

Employee: “But ma’am, I can—”

Woman: *in full-blown rant mode* “I never use computers. Ever! They’ll put everyone out of a job! They’ll take over your job! I’m not going to shop somewhere like this; you’re not getting my money! I’m leaving!”

(She proceeded to storm out of the store with her kids in tow, leaving the poor employee — who looked like he was only about sixteen — looking quite confused. The surprising part is that the woman in question looked like she was only in her mid-thirties; how she refuses to use computers and modern technology in this day and age is baffling to me, not to mention that her kids likely use computers every day at school! Maybe new technology like kiosks will cut down on some jobs, but it will also create more — after all, someone has to fix the machines when they break down!)

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That Level Of Grammar Is Criminal

, , , | Right | January 3, 2020

The office where I work deals with mail which is sent to other, bigger companies. One of them is a telecoms provider. Some of the letters sent to those are complaints, in some cases very poorly written or with very outdated or weird ideas. They are sometimes handwritten on stationery paper, implying they are sent by very old-fashioned people. One was very interesting.

The person who sent the letter complained — in poor spelling and grammar — about his television signal, “Somtimes words are much softer as if I em not alloud to hear it. What has gotten in to yong peopel dese days? Find the gilty party!’

Several weeks later, I saw another letter, about someone ending his contract with the telecom provider. I wondered if it was sent by the same person, since the letter said, “My t.v. signal was jammed by computer criminals.”

Whether both letters were from the same client or not, it is interesting to note that some people seem to think that cybercriminals jam your TV signal instead of, like, trying to steal your money.

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It’s A Vicious Solar Cycle

, , , , | Related | January 3, 2020

(My dad and I are getting ready to go out to eat. We’re in the living room when he reaches up into the glass bowl of his floor lamp and pulls out his watch. I stare at him in utter befuddlement for a few seconds before:)

Me: “Why was your watch in the lamp?”

Dad: *as if it’s the most reasonable thing to say* “It’s been overcast the last few days and the battery was getting low.” *puts on the watch and points to it* “It’s solar-powered!”

Me: “…”

Dad: “Pretty genius, right?”

Me: *starting to giggle at the absurdity, but also the excellent logic*

Dad: *now laughing too* “You know, it made perfect sense to me, but based on your expression and thinking about it now, it is pretty silly!”

(We spent the rest of the time getting ready in various states of laughter. Turns out modern problems and their solutions can be a good source of humor!)

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