Enabling Customers Allows Them To Live In Their Own Fantasy, And That’s Final

, , , | Right | December 4, 2018

(I’m a manager at a grocery store. While I’m briefing the afternoon shift, I get a customer call through on my handheld. I decide to take it, thinking it is important.)

Me: “[Store]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Seymour’s mum is Anima’s fayth, right?”

Me: “Um… Yes?”

Customer: “And we see them both in Zanarkand, with his mum saying he had to destroy Sin?”

Me: “Correct.”

Customer: “So… does that mean that Anima is Seymour’s final aeon?”

Me: “I guess. I don’t know if it’s something Square has confirmed, but as a theory, I suppose it works.”

Customer: *to someone else on their end* “I told you!”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Oh, no, thank you. I just heard you singing Suteki Da Ne the other day and thought you’d be a good second opinion. Thanks for the help!” *hangs up*

(I stared, dumbfounded, at my phone, with my afternoon shift looking equally confused.)

Healthier Old People During Flu Season Results In Increase Of Random Chats

, , , , | Right | December 4, 2018

(An elderly woman on one of the store’s scooters comes up to me while I’m working.)

Customer: “I need to tell you something!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “So, in July, I came in here and I bought two of the cough drops with zinc of one brand, and I bought two cough drops of another brand. Well, last week we finally used them all up. It was this d*** flu that’s been going around. But I just wanted to tell you that in July I was prepared, because I bought cough drops in July.”

Me: “Um… Wow. Good for you.”

(The woman scoots away and I go back to what I was doing. A minute later she comes back over to me.)

Customer: “And another thing.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “The cough drops with zinc in them are better for you.”

Me: “Really?”

Customer: “Oh, yes.” *scoots away*

They Are Not In Concert With Your Dinner Plans

, , , , | Related | December 4, 2018

(My family is eating Thanksgiving Dinner. We’ve said grace and have been eating for about five minutes, little clusters of us all engaged in different conversations over the meal, when my aunt speaks up.)

Aunt: “All right, everyone!”

(We quiet down, expecting her to have some kind of announcement.)

Aunt: “Your first assigned topic is to discuss your first concert. [My Father], you go first!”

(We all stare at her blankly for a moment.)

Aunt: *more forcefully but with overzealous cheer* “[My Father], what was the first concert you attended?”

(My dad eyed her confusedly, before going back to discussing a recent golf game with my uncle while my aunt scanned the group with an expectant smile on her face. None of us ended up participating in our “assigned topic discussion.”)

Up-Charging Goes Downhill

, , , , , | Right | December 3, 2018

(At this sandwich shop, you can substitute bottled drinks (water, juice, milk, etc.) for a fountain drink when purchasing a meal deal, for a small up-charge. The following takes place as the customer is paying for her food.)

Customer: “Can you get milk with the meal deal?”

Me: “Yes, of course. It is just [price] extra.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “So do you want milk with your meal deal today?”

Customer: *fuming* “Why would you ask that?! Do you think I’m fat or something?!”

Me: *horrified* “No! You just asked about getting milk with the meal. I was just seeing if that’s what you wanted to do!”

Customer: *back to normal* “Oh, okay! No, I don’t want milk.”

Recycling The Same Answer Over And Over

, , , | Right | December 3, 2018

(I work for a local non-profit that includes a thrift store that funds our work. We have a box truck that we use to pick up donations from people. We will pick almost anything with a few exceptions. The other day I answered the phone:)

Lady: “I would like to schedule a pickup time. I have a washing machine to donate.”

Me: “Great! Let me get some information from you. First, is the machine in working order?”

Lady: “No, but I figure that you could part it out or recycle it or something.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but we cannot schedule our truck to pick up broken items. If you want us to have it you will have to find a neighbor or a friend to help you get it here.”

Lady: “No one will help me and I really wanted to give it to you guys.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry but it costs more to send the truck to your house than we could get by recycling the metal in the washer.”

Lady: “But I really wanted to give it to you. I guess it will just have to send it to the landfill if you don’t come get it.”

Me: “I am sorry, but we cannot pick up non-working items because it costs too much.”

Lady: “Well, I will just have to send the machine to the landfill. The new machine is being delivered tomorrow and the old washer has to be gone and I really wanted to give it to you guys.”

Me: “I understand that it is important to keep it out of the landfill. Who are you buying your new washer from?”

Lady: “[Big Box Store].”

Me: “That is great news because I know that they will take your old washer away and recycle it for you. That way it won’t go to the landfill.”

Lady: “But I really wanted to give it to you guys.”

Me: “Ma’am, with fuel costs and labor costs it would cost us about $50 to pick up your washer and we might get $5 for recycling it. We simply cannot pick up broken items. But [Big Box Store] will take it to recycle it for you when they bring your new one.”

Lady: “But I really wanted to give it to you guys.”

(I tried a few more times to explain the logic of why it did not make sense for us to lose money when it is hard enough as a charity to raise the necessary funds to perform our work. I just kept getting the response. “But I really wanted to give it to you guys.”)

Me: *at this point starting to lose my patience* “Surely you see that it doesn’t make sense for us to spend $50 to send our truck to you when we will only get $5 for your broken washer.”

(Recycling is not our charity work; alleviating poverty is.)

Lady: “But I really wanted to give it to you guys.”

(At this point I did not know what else to say that would get my message across to her so I just told her one more time that we would not pick up her broken washer and hung up quickly. I am still puzzled as to why she wanted to gift us her broken washer that would cost more money than we could make from it.)

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