Well, That Came Out Of Nowhere

, , , | Right | November 21, 2007

(Two middle-aged women walk into the store.)

Woman #1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”

Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”

(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand.)

Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”

Me: “All right, then.”

Woman #2: *to [Woman #1]* “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”

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Psst… The Sun Gives You Cancer, Too

, , , | Right | November 16, 2007

(I begin to ring up a customer’s purchases at the register.)

Customer: “Wait! When you ring up the bagged bulk items, don’t put them on the part the laser shines through. Weigh them on the metal, please.”

Me: “Is it a problem if I scan everything else?”

Customer: “No, it’s just that the bags are clear and the laser gives you cancer.”

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How Do These People Remember How To Breathe?

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2007

(Older lady comes in, doesn’t know me, yet decides to make me intimately knowledgeable about her husband’s surgery; she eventually runs out of steam when I don’t respond and looks around at the books on the shelves.)

Lady: “I like books.”

Me: “Good! Anything you’re looking for?”

Lady: *ignores my question* “I saw on TV that books are good to have because they make your house look nice.”

Me: *barely stifling a smile* “Really? I heard they’re also good to read.”

(Evidently, my comment goes right over her.)

Lady: “And you can use them to prop up the bed.”

(Her husband buys books, and then swiftly escorts her out.)

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Because Everything’s Bigger In Texas

, , , | Right | November 7, 2007

(The shop is really, really small, and is inside the same building as a supermarket. A lady walks into the store with a shopping cart.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you leave your cart outside? It’s blocking other people from getting inside the store.”

Lady: *moves her cart filled with unpaid merchandise outside the store*

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t take unpaid merchandise outside the store either.”

Lady: “I’m sorry. I’m from Texas!”

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