(I am a waitress and two older women are seated in my section.)

Me: “Hi, can I start you off with anything to drink?”

Customer #1: “I would love a diet Coke.”

Customer #2: “Oh, yes, that sounds great. I will have one, too, but no ice.”

Me: “No problem. Can I get you anything else?”

([Customer #1] starts asking a few questions about our menu. After about a minute, she seems done with her questions.)

Me: “Can I get you anything else right now?”

Customer #2: “Yes, can I change my mind about my drink?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer #2: *starts yelling* “Don’t you patronize me with all that ‘of course’ nonsense. Next time I want to tell you that I have changed my mind, you’d better tell me to get over myself and live with my decisions. Got it?”

Me: “Um, yes, ma’am.”

Customer #2: “Good. Now I would like a hot chocolate with only a little whipped cream.”

Me: “Okay, is there anything else you need?”

Customer #1: *not reacting to anything that just happened* “I am ready to order if that’s all right.”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer #2: *calm* “Oh, good, I would like blueberry pancakes.”

(My husband’s brother moves in with us as he is unable to work due to medical issues. I have been joking with my friends that it is like I have two husbands, and one pretty much demands to know where I am going, who I am going with, etc. Basically, it’s like 20 questions if I go out, even when I’m working. My husband has never been like that. One afternoon, I get home from work after doing a task that was very dusty. I quickly shower and get changed before I head to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. Usually, I have tea first. My brother-in-law enters the kitchen and demands:)

Brother: “Where have you been all day? You said you were working; you aren’t dressed for work, so where did you go?”

Me: “What the h***? I changed my clothes!”

Brother: “Oh… Okay.” *leaves the room*

(I speak to my husband and ask him to talk to his brother because I am getting fed up with it.)

Husband: “It’s not just you; he does it to me, too.”

(I’ve been selling phones for about four years at this point and have never had an experience like this before. Don’t get me wrong; when you work retail you will eventually have dim customers, but this is a gem to me. This also happens a little before Black Friday so we are starting to get really busy.)

Customer: “Do you guys sell phones outright?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no. You’ll have to go to [Electronics Retail] or buy them online.”

Customer: “On what?”

Me: “Online.”

Customer: “On what?”

Me: “Online.”

Customer: “Clothesline?”

(I mentally take five seconds to breathe.)

Me: “On the Internet.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have that.” *walks off*

(My coworkers and even the customers they are helping start laughing. I then glance at my manager, who’s covering his mouth trying not to laugh.)

Manager: “Yeah, go eat. I got you covered.”

Lady: “I’d like to return this laptop.”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Lady: “Well, I was on YouTube and somebody was rude to me! It’s obvious this laptop is broken, as everyone likes me!”

Me: “…”

Lady: “EVERYONE LIKES ME! YOU UNDERSTAND!”

(The lady ran around the shop screaming cuss words at me. I don’t like her.)

(The bus I’m on stops and picks up a passenger. He pays the standard $2.75 fare and takes a seat, and the bus drives off. About two stops later, the chime rings. The same passenger who just got on stands up. As the bus comes to a halt…)

Passenger: “Don’t ask.”

(The bus driver opens the door and the passenger leaves. After the bus has started moving again…)

Driver: “He paid $2.75 for only 150 feet!”