We do custom cakes in our shop. A customer has ordered a cake with “Happy Birthday, Karen!” written on it. She comes in for collection.

Customer: “You’ve spelt this wrong.”

Me: “Oh? That is how it’s spelt on the order form.”

Customer: “Well, it’s wrong. I’d like a discount.”

I call the shop owner over as discounts must go through him.

Owner: “I can’t do a discount as this is how it was spelt on the form, and the form is filled out by the customer. I can get [My Name] to redo it free of charge. It will take another an hour, though.”

Customer: *Huffs* “FINE!”

Owner: “Can I get the correct spelling, please?”

Customer: “D.”

The owner gives me a confused glance and I notice the other customers in the store, having taken notice, do much the same.

Owner: “This was meant to be ‘Darren’?”

Customer: “No, ‘Karen’! D-A-R-I-A-N.”

Owner: “That doesn’t spell ‘Karen.’”

Customer: *Grunts* “Just give me one of your piping kits for free and I’ll do it myself! This is terrible service. After this, I won’t be coming here again!”

The owner obliges, and the customer sloppily fixes the cake on a free counter. A friend comes in shortly before she finishes up.

Customer: “They got your cake wrong.”

The customer gives us a nasty look.

Customer: “I’ve had to fix it myself.”

Friend: “Oh?” *Looks at cake* “Why does it say, ‘Michael’?”

Customer: “UGH! IT’S SAYS KAREN!”

The customer grabs the cake — the literal cake, leaving the base — and storms out. Her friend follows her out, yelling:

Friend: “Who the f*** is Karen?”

I volunteered to help with the Easter celebration at my grandson’s school. 

After the egg hunt, we herded the kids into their classroom. The teacher made an announcement that candy was not to be unwrapped until later.

While roaming around to help students, I came across the only child who had caused problems. Too late to stop him, I could only watch as he ate a piece of candy… still in its wrapper.

Technically, he didn’t disobey the teacher.

My friend’s dad is a lecturer at a medical school. He has a friend with a rare condition called situs inversus, meaning his internal organs are mirror images of the usual configuration. He likes to pull a prank on first-year students.

Lecturer: “Is it possible for a person to have their organs the wrong way around and still be alive and healthy?”

Students: “No, sir!”

At some point later he brings his friend in as a model patient and has a student try to find his heartbeat.

After muddling around with a stethoscope, one particularly confused student responded, “Sir, this man has no heart!”

A middle-aged man and his young son, around five or six, walk up to my register. The man is pointing at a “Grown Ups 2” poster.

Customer: “My son was supposed to be in that!”

Me: “Really? That’s cool!”

Customer: “Yeah, he does modeling and acting.” *Pulls out an iPhone* “Look at his headshots!”

The customer hands me his phone so I can see his son’s headshots. In the pictures, the boy has a noticeably large Afro; presently he has very short hair.

Customer: “Yeah, we had to cut off all his hair. It filled two garbage bags full!”

Me: “Wow, that’s crazy! Now would you like to try a combo?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t want anything. I just wanted to share that.”

The customer grabbed his son’s hand, smiled, and walked away.

I am a receptionist at a local mortgage company. Answering the phones is always a bit of a minefield. This happened to me this morning.

Me: “Good morning, this is [Company]!”

Caller: *Angrily* “Who is this?”

Me: “This is [Company].”

Caller: *Angrier* “I don’t have a mortgage!”

Me: “Oh, were you calling to talk to one of our loan officers?”

Caller: “I’m not selling my house! Why did you call me?!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you called us. Were you trying to speak to anyone in particular or did anyone call you from this number?”

Caller: “No!”

Me: “Well, have a great day!”

Caller: “No!” *Hangs up*