I am shopping in a superstore when a man with a heavy accent walks up to me.

Man: “Where can I find body bags?”

Me: “Er… what for?”

Man: “I made a mess, and now I must clean it up.”

I hope he meant trash bags!

My boyfriend grew up in a household with no boundaries and as such, no privacy. If you put a passcode on your phone, it was taken away. If you locked your door, the door was removed — except his parents’ bedroom, which probably explains why he has seven siblings. If you didn’t give every conceivable detail about where you were going when you left the house, you didn’t go.

One day, shortly after we start dating, we are watching a movie in their living room and I have to tell three of his siblings that they cannot just pick up my phone and look for games. Each time, they reply with something along the lines of, “It’s only a problem if there’s something to hide.”

I am getting more upset by the moment, so my boyfriend suggests going to the mall. We say goodbye to everyone but his mother swipes his car keys from his hand.

Mother: “Where are you going?”

Boyfriend: “[My Name] and I are going to the mall.”

Mother: “Who else?”

Boyfriend: “Nobody.”

Mother: “What stores?”

My boyfriend lists a few stores.

Mother: “How long will you be gone?”

Boyfriend: *Shrugs* “Two hours maybe.”

His mother looks at her watch.

Mother: “Be back in an hour. Dinner is [three hours from now].”

Me: “That’s barely enough time to get out there and back. “

His mother starts walking away with the keys.

Mother: “Then don’t go.”

I stand there, dumbfounded. My boyfriend goes and talks to her, convincing her that we can go for two hours if we take two of his youngest — and in my opinion, most annoying — siblings. I wanted to go to spend some time with him without them, but I relent because two siblings are easier to manage than all seven.

Boyfriend: “Don’t take her personally. She just likes to know what’s going on.”

Me: “I’m not taking it personally, but I do need some privacy.”

Ten-Year-Old: “Mommy says if you need privacy, you’re a sinner.”

I laugh quietly to myself.

Thirteen-Year-Old: “What?”

Me: “I guess I’m—”

Boyfriend: “Don’t do it.”

We spend the maximum time we can at the mall, coming home right at the two-hour mark. When we come back, I have to use the bathroom. I go in, close the door, and sit on the toilet. Less than five seconds later, the door flies open. His mother stands there, staring me down as I try to cover myself with my shirt.

Mother: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Peeing?”

His mother eyes me suspiciously.

Mother: “Don’t close the door.”

Instead of using the bathroom, I get up and leave. On my way out the door, my boyfriend stops me.

Boyfriend: “Hey. What’s wrong?”

Me: “Your mother just told me I couldn’t pee with the door closed.”

Mother: “If you have to close the door to do something, you shouldn’t do it!”

Me: “Even the bathroom?”

Boyfriend: “You get used to it.”

Me: “No, I don’t think I will.”

He called me later that night, upset that I had left over such a “stupid thing.” I told him it wasn’t stupid and people should have a small amount of privacy, even if it’s just two minutes in the bathroom. He said I was overreacting and told me I should apologize. I broke up with him, instead.

This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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My brother and I are both adults and get together on a regular basis. He’s allergic to coconut and I have cat-like mannerisms. We’re at a gathering with our dad when a light bulb goes off in my head.

Me: “[Brother], I have coconut oil in my hair. In case I forget, remind me not to headbutt you.”

Brother: “Okay.”

Dad’s face had “WTF?” written on it during this exchange.

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

I’m a doctor working at the surgical emergency ward on a calm Saturday afternoon when a very large woman is brought in via ambulance. I’m wrapping up my last case at the computer but can hear her wailing from behind her curtain; we, unfortunately, don’t have separate rooms.

Another surgeon is with her within minutes.

Doctor: “All right, I’ve heard you called an ambulance for abdominal pain. Have you experienced similar symptoms before?”

Patient: “No! Help! Please, do something!”

Doctor: “Sure, give me just a minute. I need to find out the cause of your pain first to give you the right medication. Could you describe your symptoms a bit more in detail?”

Patient: “I have these cramps. They started early this morning and keep getting worse! Sometimes it’s a bit better but it keeps coming back! Oh, please do something!”

The doctor puts a hand on her belly, frowns, and then looks at her sharply.

Doctor: “Ma’am, is it possible that you’re pregnant?”

Patient: “Aaauuuugh! Ah… No… I don’t think so? I didn’t get my period for some time due to stress…”

The doctor motions for a nurse to get him an ultrasound.

Doctor: “Ma’am, when was your last period?”

Patient: *Winces* “I don’t know? Some months ago… December? No, earlier, I think.”

The nurse comes back with the ultrasound and the doctor finishes his examination. When he puts the probe on her belly…

Doctor: “Wow. I don’t usually get to see this, but it’s quite clear. See here? This is a head, and there’s the spine. With the periodic contractions you’re describing, I’m fairly sure you’re in labour.”

Patient: “What?! No! I can’t!”

Doctor: “Oh. I’m sorry; it seems I was wrong.”

Patient: “Praise the Lord. Don’t scare me like that!”

Doctor: “Sorry, that’s not what I meant. There’s another head. It’s twins.” *To the nurse* “Please inform the gynecologists and call a transport to get her to the labour room.”

Patient: “Noooooooooooo!” *Screams unintelligibly*

Not even half an hour later, we got a call from the gynecologists. It was two healthy babies, seemingly on term, and which blood tests did we already order?

I’m glad they were delivered safely and healthily, but judging by their mom’s reaction to her pregnancy… I can’t help but worry for their future.

I am working as a court clerk in civil cases. Our courthouse is in the middle of the city and is several storeys high. Modern development has built up around the court, so that from levels four up, the back of the court overlooks and looks into a flashy five-star hotel.

One day, I am assisting in a settlement conference, and the judge and I are sitting at opposite ends of a long table, with the parties down either side. The judge is sitting in front of the window with his back to it, and I can see clearly everything going on behind him.

The judge recalls to me later that suddenly my face changes and contorts, and I busy myself in a piece of paper, looking horrified. 

He decides we should have a break and when the lawyers have cleared, he asks what happened. I raise a shaky hand to the hotel across the way, which does not have frosted or tinted windows, and the very large, naked man doing Zumba. In front of the windows. 

The judge laughs so hard he extends the break for an extra fifteen minutes so he can calm down, and he teases me about it for the rest of the week.