Slightly Better Than The Answer To Life, The Universe And Everything

, , | Right | September 18, 2008

Customer: “I want to buy some lottery tickets.”

Me: “Okay. Which game, and how many?”

Customer: “I don’t want to give away my secret plan!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what you want, I can’t sell you the appropriate ticket. I need to know what you want to get it for you.”

(There’s a long pause during which she just blinks at me and the clerks behind me.)

Customer: “… oh. Well, I’ll take two Super Lottos, then…”

1 Thumbs
1,375

Kitteh Sez STFU

, , , | Right | September 13, 2008

(I’m tending to the cats at our pet store when a young woman comes up and points at a small tabby, Velma.)

Me: “Ah, would you like to see Velma? She’s a little shy but very sweet.”

Customer: “I can has cat?”

Me: “Um… if you are interested in adopting, I’ll be happy to get out Velma or any of the cats so that you can get to know them a little better.”

Customer: “I can has lolcat?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “She is in her playpen, stealin our funs!”

Me: “You know, pets can be a big responsibility, and I’m not sure a cat would be the best thing for you right now.”

Customer: “K thanks bye!” *turns and walks out of the store*

Me: *to Velma* “I think I may have just saved your life.”

 

1 Thumbs
4,620

Existential Dilemmas

, | Right | September 8, 2008

Me: “Hi, Ms. [Boss]’s office.”

Caller: “Hi, is Ms. [Boss] in today?”

Me: “No, sorry. She’s on vacation. Can I take a message?”

Caller: “Yes. Wait… are you an answering machine?”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am.”

Caller: “Are you sure?!”

 

1 Thumbs
1,964

Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win, Part 2

, | Right | September 7, 2008

Me: “Hi, this is Alyssa. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yeah, someone from your company called me and they were being all friendly to me over the phone.”

Me: “Oh? Were they rude to you in anyway?”

Caller: “No… it’s just… they were being all nice… and I don’t like it when people pretend to be my friend, like they know me!”

Me: “All right, but I don’t understand what the problem is with that.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “You know what, I’ll just go ahead and take you off our calling list, okay? You have a great day.”

 

1 Thumbs
1,455

Just Another Day In Bedrock

, , | Right | September 4, 2008

(Keep in mind, this customer comes in about ten times a day. He’s insane and you never know what you will get from this guy.)

Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “Okay. That will be thirteen fifty.”

Customer: *hands me money* “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “You don’t say?”

Customer: *angrily* “Yabba dabba!”

Me: “Doo. Have a good day.”

Customer: *happy now* “YABBA DABBA!!!!” *leaves*

(He came back about two hours later, talking regularly like nothing happened.)

1 Thumbs
2,546