If The Shirt Fits…

, , | Right | June 27, 2017

(I work in a shop that lets customers print photos using self-service kiosks, but we are there to help customers who may need it. A young girl of around 13 to14 years of age is uploading photos from her phone to print out. I ask her if she needs any help, but she declines. A short while later her order receipt prints out behind the counter, which tells me she’s ordered her prints on the one-hour service. However, she’s still standing at the kiosk, obviously waiting for her photos to print.)

Me: “Are you uploading any more photos or have you finished?”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, I’ve finished.”

Me: “Okay, you’ve put those through on the hour service so you can collect them at 2:30.”

Customer: *stares blankly at me*

Me: *stares back*

Customer: “So… they’re going to take an hour?”

Me: “Yeah, you put them through on the hour service.”

Customer: “Oh… do you need me to pay?”

Me: “Yes, please!”

(She pays, and then stares at me again.)

Customer: “So they’re definitely going to be an hour?”

Me: “Yes, they’ll be ready at 2:30! Thanks!”

(She stared at me for a few seconds longer, and then finally left. The best part? She was wearing a t-shirt that had “IDIOT” written on it.)

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Things That Go Thump In The Night

, , , , | Right | June 27, 2017

(Around 11 pm, the start of my overnight shift at our hotel, a middle aged woman walking a dog approaches the front desk.)

Woman: “Can you call me a cab to go to Jack-Jacks?”

Me: “I’m not familiar with that name. Is it in town?”

Woman: “Oh, yes, my daughter is there. Drinking, dancing, like young people like to do.”

(Since there was only one bar open in town, I gave her that name and she agreed it was the place. The name was not at all close to “Jack-Jacks.”)

Me: “You don’t need a cab; it’s only two blocks away.”

(Off she goes, dog in tow. At about 1:30 am, I hear a loud thumping sound from upstairs. As I am about to go up to investigate, I get a call from room 301 complaining about the thumping sound and yelling in the room below. I go up to room 201 and hear the thumping and two women yelling at each other in some kind of Asian language. I knock on the door and a dog comes to the door to bark, but no one answers the door. I knock several more times:)

Me: “This is the front desk clerk. Please open this door!”

(I can still hear thumping and yelling and barking, but no one answers. I go downstairs to call the room, but the call repeatedly goes to voicemail. I try knocking again and still hear yelling, thumping, barking, but no one comes to the door.  I go downstairs and get a call from 301:)

Guest: “That’s it! I’m calling the police!”

Me: “I’ve tried calling and knocking on the door and I’ve gotten no response, so I am calling the police.”

(A few minutes later, a couple of police officers are there. One of the officers knocks on the door.)

Officer: “This is the police.”

(There is still no response. I go downstairs to get a master key, when I can hear by the increased volume of the barking that the door has been opened. I go up to the room and find the officers in the room and a young woman sobbing and holding the dog I’d seen earlier in the evening.)

Officer: “She says her mother is stuck in the bathroom and can’t get out.”

(Unfortunately, the pocket doors on our bathrooms do stick on occasion, but why the young woman hadn’t come to me with the problem is a mystery for the ages. However, I do think the solution has something to do with too much alcohol consumption. We are able to open the bathroom door and the mother, the same woman I had seen earlier, comes out, furious.)

Woman: *yelling* “I come all the way from Thailand to see my daughter, and she locks me in bathroom. Call me a cab; I’m taking a plane back to Thailand.”

(I don’t think she’d thought that plan all the way through — again, perhaps alcohol was involved. Eventually, I convinced her it was not her daughter’s fault the door stuck. I was glad they were already scheduled for check out in the morning.)

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I Propose A Roast!

, , , | Friendly | June 25, 2017

Friend #1: *exceedingly drunk* “I just want to lay on the fire and roast. Friend #2, lie on it with me! We can hug each other and burn like an Oreo sandwich. [My Name], do you want to watch two guys roasting on a fire?”

Me: “Uhm… I’d rather not. Besides, I’d probably munch on your corpses, and do you want your last memory to be some weird fat chick eating your body?”

Friend #1: “Dude! You’re not fat!”

Me: *laughing* “I love that THAT is what you took issue with in that whole thing.”

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Bath Bomb And On And On

, , , | Right | June 23, 2017

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to buy one of your premade gift boxes but I can’t spare more than 20€ on it.”

Me: “Sure, we’ve got this option over here with a piece of soap and a moisturizer.”

Customer: “I’d prefer if it had some bath bombs or bath bubbles.”

Me: “Not a problem. This other one has one of each.”

Customer: “But only one of each is not enough.”

Me: “Well, if you don’t mind spending a bit more, for 25€ you can get this one that has two bombs and two bubbles.”

Customer: “And is there nothing under 20€?”

Me: “Yes, the ones I already showed you.”

Customer: “And what do they have?”

Me: “The first one has a piece of soap and a moisturizer…”

Customer: “But I want bath bombs.”

Me: “…and the second one has a bath bomb and a bubble.”

Customer: “Only one of each?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And don’t you have anything with more than one bomb?”

Me: “Yes, as I already told you, there’s this option with two of each for 25€.”

Customer: “And is there no options under 20€?”

(At this point a supervisor notices I’m talking with a customer, which I shouldn’t be doing as I’m actually the stock controller. She takes over and I keep doing my job, but every time I pass near them, the conversation seems to be stuck in basically the same cycle. Around twenty minutes later, the customer comes to me again.)

Customer: *holding one of the boxes I already showed her* “What’s in this one?”

Me: “A bath bomb and a bubble.”

Customer: “And is there one that has more than one of each?”

Me: “…yeah, this one over here, but as we’ve seen earlier it costs 25€.”

Customer: “And is there nothing under 20€?”

Me: “Look, that’s all the options we have considering your needs. The only boxes under 20€ are the ones I already showed you.”

Customer: “Oh. And what’s in those?”

Me: “A bath bomb and a bubble.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Right.”

(After this she looks very confused and starts roaming inside the store, clearly unable to make a decision. Another half an hour later she’s still around, so I decide to check on her.)

Me: “How’s it going?”

Customer: “I don’t know… I’ll make a call to get another opinion on this.”

(Yet another half an hour passes when I see her in the till with the 20€ box and the 25€ one. She handles the second one to the cashier.)

Customer: “What’s in this one?”

Cashier: “Two bombs and two bubbles.”

Customer: “I guess I’ll take the other one then.”

(Later I was told by a coworker that she had been having the exact same conversation over and over with basically all of the staff.)

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Tryout And Tryout Again

, , , , | Right | June 23, 2017

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, when are tennis tryouts?”

Me: “I’m sorry; what was that?”

Customer: “Tennis tryouts. When are they?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about tennis tryouts.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “This is the number to call about tryouts, right? It was on the flyer.”

Me: “No, sorry, this is a restaurant.”

Customer: “I see.” *hangs up*

Manager: “Wow, why won’t you let anyone tryout for the tennis team?”

Me: “I only want the best.”

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