Fads Are Not Light Bulb Moments

, , , , , | Working | October 12, 2018

(The latest management fad is a daily briefing in which we have to state yesterday’s achievements and objectives for today, with a three-minutes time limit, all while standing in a circle holding hands. The implementer of the fad alternates between interrupting people for not giving their statements correctly and reprimanding them for running out of time. My turn comes, but a colleague cuts me off:)

Colleague: “[My Name], get a ladder and get someone to hang that map…”

Me: “Oh, while they have the ladder out, they could also change the burnt-out light bulb in the corridor!”

Fad Implementer: *holding up a finger like I was a little kid* “No, no, no, [My Name], this is not a topic for the morning briefing!”

Me: *speechless*

(I just hope the fad dies out before I punch him in the throat.)

Evenly Scratch That

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(I’m on the till with the lottery and scratchcards. I ring up a customer and she takes a while counting out her money for me. I put it through the till.)

Customer: “I’ll have a scratchcard, as well.”

Me: “Of course. Which one would you like?”

Customer: “Erm… number three.”

(I look at the scratchcards and realise number three and four contain the same scratchcards, but number three only has one left. Instead of emptying one container and having to move over a scratchcard, I decide to take one from number four.)

Customer: “No. I said number three.”

Me: “They’re the same kind. There is only one left in three, so I thought—”

Customer: “No! I must only go by even numbers! I need number three!”

(I didn’t bother to point out that three is an odd number!)

Literally Showing Them The Door

, , , , , | Right | October 11, 2018

(I work in a popular office supply store, which also has a copy center. It is not unheard of for a customer to pay for copies at regular checkout. This takes place right after open. The store has one very obvious door for enter and exit.)

Customer: “How do I get out?”

(I think she means, “check out,” since we are about five feet from the door.)

Me: “Do you need to be checked out?”

Customer: “No! I already paid. How do I leave?”

Me: *gesturing at door* “You can just walk out.”

(I told my manager; she didn’t believe me.)

Taxing Taxiing

, , , , , | Right | October 11, 2018

(I answer phones for a taxi service.)

Caller: “I’d like to go to the liquor store.”

Me: “Okay, are you ready to be picked up right now?”

Caller: “WHAT?! You’re already here and ready to pick me up right now?!”

Me: “No, no, no, no! I’m asking you what time you’d like to go to the liquor store.”

Caller: “Hehe… You’re a funny guy. You tricked me, you sneaky guy, you.”

Me: “If you’re ready to be picked up right now—”

Caller: “But I don’t see the cab.”

Me: *pause* “The cab will be over in about ten minutes.”

An Indian Bummer

, , , , | Right | October 11, 2018

(I work at a place called “The Indianhead [Business]” and take calls from customers.)

Caller: “Hello, is this the Indianhead [Business]?”

Me: “Yes, that is correct. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to speak to some Indians there.”

Me: “Um… We don’t have any actual Indians here at the Indianhead [Business].”

Caller: “Oh, so, they were all killed?”

Me: “I…” *I’m hoping that I just misheard him because of our old phone* “Uh, could you say that again for me, please?”

Caller: “You know, the great massacre of Indians in Wisconsin. You’re telling me that they’ve all been killed off.”

Me: “It’s true we’re named the Indianhead [Business], but we have no affiliation with Indians.”

Caller: “Thanks, I didn’t know the situation was that bad.”

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