Sleepwalking Away From This Relationship

, , , | Romantic | February 14, 2019

(This takes place four years ago, when I’ve just started dating my boyfriend. I always take a long time to fall asleep, so I’m used to lying in bed next to someone who’s already asleep. My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for about a month and this is his first night at my place. He has been sleeping for about 20 minutes when he rolls towards me and gets up on his elbow.)

Boyfriend: “You know, I don’t want anything serious.”

(That is a big deal, as I thought we both wanted a committed relationship. I have a personal “no one-night-stand” rule.)

Me: “Um… What the f***? What do you mean?”

Boyfriend: *lying back down* “It’s complicated…”

(Something seems off. He has been nothing but very nice and open to conversation up until now, and this answer is out of place. I get up, go to my living room, and try to control my temper, as I’m very explosive. When I come back, I ask him:)

Me: “What was that about?”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “What do you mean what? You know perfectly well what I’m referring to!”

Boyfriend: “Do you know where my leeks are?” *pause* “Oh, that’s embarrassing…”

(And that’s how I found out my boyfriend talks in his sleep. I quickly calmed down and asked him about it in the morning. Of course, he didn’t remember and hadn’t meant a word of it. We live together now, and at least twice a week we chat about random stuff like the price of trout on Mars. It’s very unsettling because his voice isn’t sleepy when he does it and he actually answers me when I talk back, but now I find it funny!)

Give This Customer A Wide Berth

, , , , , | Right | February 11, 2019

(On a slow Tuesday morning in February, an exceptionally well-dressed and sophisticated-looking, middle-aged woman in a pants suit scurries into the deserted store and up to me standing at the counter. She’s obviously in a hurry and looks a bit frazzled.)

Woman: “I need a pair of men’s slippers, size ten, triple E!”

(Since it’s February, we have maybe half a dozen pairs of men’s slippers left in the store, and I know that only one has a chance of fitting the bill. I bring the box out of the stockroom to show her.)

Me: “This is our last size ten, and it runs very wide.”

Woman: “Is it a size ten?”

Me: “Yes.”

Woman: “Are they triple E?”

Me: “Technically, the width is D, but they fit unusually wide. You could bring them back if they don’t fit.”

(Without a word, she snatches one of the slippers from the box, spreads her legs wide, sticks the slipper between her thighs, and holds it there with her hands on her hips for several seconds. Then she reaches down, grabs the slipper, and slaps it back into the box.)

Woman: “Not wide enough!”

(She raced out of the store.)

God Gave Rock And Roll To You

, , , , , , , | Friendly | February 11, 2019

(My best friend and I are sitting in a coffee shop minding our own business when we see a middle-aged lady dressed like she just got out of church looking at us. I notice her looking at my attire, which consists mostly of black and a t-shirt for a metal band. She gets up to walk over to us.)

Lady: “Here. The Lord wanted me to give you this. He says you might find it useful.”

(She sets an envelope on the table in front of me and then shuffles out the door before I can say anything. Thinking it’s probably just a religious pamphlet, we peek inside and are surprised to see two tickets to see a death metal band playing locally that we wanted to go see but couldn’t afford.)

Friend: “What kind of lord was she praying to?”

Me: “Clearly the awesome kind!”

(We later found out one of our friends knew of her through church. Apparently, her son was a promoter for the venue and he would always send his mother free tickets. Whenever she got tickets for something she wasn’t interested in, she would find strangers she thought might enjoy them more and give them away free. We thank you, strange church lady, for the tickets! My friend and I had a great time!)

1 Thumbs

Screaming Headband-ers

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2019

(I’m autistic and have bad anxiety. After a few hours of nasty customers, I’m physically shaking and doing all I can to keep from having a full-blown panic attack. I go to retrieve some carts from the parking lot to get away from customers for a bit when a car starts honking at me and the driver is yelling to get my attention. The sudden loud noise causes me to scream like a banshee. My instinct is to run and hide somewhere, but since the point of a car horn is to alert people to potential danger, I go over to see if someone is hurt and I need to call an ambulance.)

Me: “Did you need something?”

Driver: “Yeah, do you guys sell headbands?”

Dreaming Of The Food

, , | Right | February 6, 2019

(A woman has stood a little off the registers staring at the menu boards. We’ve just left her to decide, assuming she will step forward when she is ready. She finally does.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get you?”

Customer: “Where’s my food?”

Me: “Did you order already?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “What did you order?”

Customer: “Do I really have to say it again?!”

Me: “Sorry, it’s just that I have been here the entire time, and all you’ve done is stand there for ten minutes and then come to me.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not leaving without my food. I want it for free, as well. The service here stinks!”

(I call a manager and try to explain, but she persists that she did order and that I’m just being rude and lazy. The manager goes into the office just off to the side of the registers and checks the camera footage.)

Manager: “Sorry, I have just checked the last half hour. You came in, stood a metre back from where you are, and stared at the menu. That’s all you did. You haven’t ordered.”

(The woman’s eyes lose focus temporarily and then snap back.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess I was daydreaming.”

(She then left without another word.)

Page 3/21912345...Last