Some People Are A Real Mystery

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2021

I am browsing the mystery section of a used bookstore and I pick up a book by an author I really like. The lady browsing beside me takes notice of the book I’ve picked up: a cozy mystery about a member of a knitting club being accused of murder. I should point out that I am twenty-two years old. I am also barely five feet tall and have what I call “baby cheeks,” making me appear younger.

The lady speaks to me as though speaking to a small child.

Lady: “Oh, sweetie, you don’t want that book. That book’s for big girls.”

I look around for a little girl, see no one else in that section, and realize that she is talking to me.

Me: “Uh, excuse me?”

Lady: “That book you’re holding. I know it has cute little kitties on the cover, but it’s a grown-up book. I’ve read it, and it’s full of mean people and scary things.”

I am completely dumbfounded. I have often been mistaken for a teenager, but a little kid? That’s a new one. It really doesn’t help that I am wearing a low-cut top and have rather large breasts. I don’t know how she could have missed that.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m twenty-two. Besides, I’ve read the other books in the series, and—”

Lady: “Do you want me to take you to the children’s section? You’ll find lots of great books there!”

The worst part is that I can tell that this lady is sincere; she seems to genuinely believe that I am a small child. I’m so confused that I don’t even react when she takes the book out of my hands, puts it back on the shelf, and takes a few steps away, trying to get me to follow her. I finally snap out of it, still wondering if I’ve somehow entered the Twilight Zone, and grab the book again.

The lady smiles like I’m an adorable toddler.

Lady: “Ah, sweetie—”

I had meant to look around some more, but at this point, I just want to get my book and get out. I fast-walk to the checkout, the lady following me the whole way, chastising me even as I pay! I don’t know what my face looks like, but it must be enough for the cashier to have some idea of what is going on. I should also mention that the cashier is a pretty big guy.

Cashier: *Leaning in and whispering* “Want me to block the door?”

Me: *Relieved* “Thank you.”

I slipped a few dollars in the tip jar and bolted the moment he gave me my book and receipt. I got in my car as fast as I could. I saw the cashier watching me, the crazy lady still trying to get past him. He didn’t move until my car left the parking lot. Thank you, cashier, for saving me from whatever that was. I did enjoy the book, by the way.

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Okay, But Were They Any Good?

, , , , , , | Right | February 22, 2021

I work the overnight shift for a hotel. Usually, it is super quiet because everyone is sleeping. The walls are not soundproof so, occasionally, we get a noise complaint about a TV too loud, people being loud in the hallway, etc.

One night, I received four noise complaints for the same room in five minutes around 1:00 am. I went upstairs with security and knocked on the door. It took ten minutes, but when the guests finally opened the door, I found a live band in the room performing. Needless to say, they all got kicked out of the hotel for the night and banned from coming back.

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The Sweet Smell Of Jasmine And Mary Jane

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2021

I am helping train new folks. One day, I am sitting with a girl we will call Sophie and I have my headset plugged into hers so I can listen to her calls and give her feedback and help with answers she doesn’t know. 

Sophie: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. This is Sophie. May I have your name?”

Customer: “Hi, Jasmine, I’m [Customer], I’m locked out of my app.”

Sophie is confused about being called Jasmine but presses forward.

Sophie: “For verification purposes, could you confirm the amount of a recent transaction?”

Customer: “Oh. Um. Uh… Oh! I did a sixteen-dollar transfer to my friend — six for the sandwich and ten for the ounce of pot.”

Sophie gives me a startled look as I try to process that the dude just said that to his BANK.

Customer: “Oh, s***! Jasmine! Jasmine I’m sorry, please don’t turn me in Jasmine!”

Sophie does manage to get his online banking unlocked, with him begging “Jasmine” not to call the cops the whole time. Meanwhile, I am trying very hard not to laugh. Once the call is over, Sophie looks at me.

Sophie: “Uh… should we… do something with that?”

Me: “To be honest, I genuinely don’t know; having a customer tell their bank about their drug deal is new to me. You handled it well. Go ahead and keep taking calls while I check with the leads to see if we need to pursue this.”

They were just as entertained as I was, and none of them seemed to be concerned with reporting it. We all had a good chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all, and to this day I still say, “Don’t turn me in, Jasmine!” to mean, “The customers are at it again.”

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What A Fowl Prank

, , , , , , | Right | February 22, 2021

Working in a grooming salon, we tend to get some strange requests. One day, my coworker comes to the back and says she has just been talking to a “crazy” man in the lobby.

An older man came into the lobby and stood for a few minutes before talking to my coworker

Man: “My kids brought me a pet and I want to get it a bath.”

Coworker: “Certainly, do you have a dog or cat?”

Man: “It’s about this big by this big.” 

He held his hands about two feet apart and then indicated about a foot and a half high.

Coworker: “All right, sir, what breed of dog is it?”

Man: “It’s a turkey.”

Coworker: “Oh, um, sorry, sir, we don’t do baths on turkeys.”

Man: “How about raccoons?”

I joked with her that he was a little confused; prank calls work better over the phone.

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On Sunday We Serve Creepypasta

, , , | Right | February 20, 2021

I work for a currency exchange. A woman calls me on a Monday afternoon.

Caller: “Hi, I want to book 100€ in Czech Crowns for tonight. I’d like to go to your location on [Street].”

Me: “Sure! I’ll put it through.”

Caller: “I would also like to tell you that yesterday I called, and I was told to go to [Other Location] to collect this money, but when I got there nobody knew anything about it. You made me lose a lot of time.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that. Let me find out what happened.”

I do a little research and can’t find anything related to what she says. She keeps insisting that she was told ON THE PHONE to go to the other location, where she could buy that currency.

Me: “Ma’am, maybe there was some technical issue? I don’t understand why I can’t find anything about that. Are you sure you called us?”

Caller: “Yes, absolutely. Today I just redialed the number I dialed yesterday.”

Me: “Wait, you said yesterday? Because yesterday was Sunday and we are closed on Sundays. Who did you talk to?”

Caller: “Well, I don’t remember the name, but it was a man.”

Me: “That sounds strange, too. We don’t have men working here. Are you 100% sure you called us?”

Caller: “Once again, yes! I’m totally sure!”

In the end, I think she was genuinely saying the truth; she wasn’t angry, she wasn’t asking for some crazy favor or discount, and she didn’t sound crazy.

I took her booking, but we are still wondering who the man is who answered that phone on a Sunday, and that’s not comforting at all!

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