The Number-One Problem Drivers Face These Days

, , , , , | Right | December 4, 2019

We don’t wash service cars at my dealership. We have a detail department and there is one wash bay, but we don’t have a drive-thru car wash and with our volume, it’s just not feasible to wash every car by hand one at a time. Since people tend to expect a free car wash out of a dealership service visit, we instead contract with a local car wash chain and hand out vouchers so customers can go there for a wash and vacuum.

A customer comes in irate. He had an oil change and tire rotation done at our shop last week. And he swears that during his service visit, someone peed in his car.

So, that’s already special. But making it even more special is what he claims is undeniable proof that someone peed in his car: when he came to pick it up, he was given a free car wash voucher. And why on earth would we have given him a free car wash voucher if we weren’t covering something up? Not only did someone pee in his car, we knew about it. There is, of course, no other reason we would have possibly given him a voucher for a free car wash. Except for someone peeing in his car.

It’s the only explanation.

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Do You Even DudeBro, Bro?  

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2019

(I work as a cashier at a sporting goods store where we see a lot of people trying to better their health. Occasionally, we get the odd few who take it a step further. Today, I’m cashing out a couple; the girl is soaking up everything the guy says. They’re buying a pullup bar that attaches to doorways.)

Guy: “The pullup exercise is all you really need to do to be fit. It is a complete body workout in one. I do CrossFit combined with yoga because the balance of body stress and targeting chi to stressed areas boosts testosterone. I also don’t take receipts because they are so bad for the environment; just touching them releases progesterone into males’ bloodstreams. It’s actually proven to shrink testicles over time!”

(I hoped that I was mishearing. His absolute sincerity and confidence threw me off to the point that I didn’t realize what I was doing: handing him the receipt. His look of disgust and fear threw me yet again. It suddenly clicked for me, and I placed it in his bag. He left, content, still teaching his friend some very half-baked ideas.)

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You’d Think One Telcom Company Would Know The Number Of Another

, , , , , | Working | December 3, 2019

(I work for the largest telcom company in the US. I’m at my desk when I get a call.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]; this is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling from [Competing Telcom Company], and I wanted to talk to you today about how I can save you a bunch of money by switching your phone and Internet services to us.”

(I pause for a second, first because she clearly didn’t listen when I answered the phone, and second because the likelihood of one telcom calling another telcom to sell them Internet/phone service is pretty small.)

Me: “Well, like I said when I answered the phone, you’ve reached [Company] and we provide our own phone and Internet services.”

Caller: “Oh, my gosh, I’m calling a [Company] number?” *laughs* “What are the odds? Okay. Have a nice day!”

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She Finds This Most Irregular

, , , , , | Right | December 3, 2019

(I’m working registers. A customer approaches and begins unloading her shopping onto the belt.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Oh, hi…” *looking at my name tag* “… [My Name]. I’m good, thank you. You must be new here. Welcome. I hope you’re enjoying it.”

Me: “Um, I’m not new, actually.”

Customer: “You must be fairly new. I’m [Customer]. I’m a regular and I know everybody here. When did you start?”

Me: “I’ve worked here for almost five years now.”

Customer: “Really? How come I’ve never seen you before? I’m here all the time.”

Me: “I couldn’t say. I’ve never seen you before, either.”

Customer: “When do you normally work? Clearly this isn’t your regular shift.”

Me: “I’ve worked this shift every week for months now.”

Customer: “Oh. Are you sure you’re not new?”

Me: “Pretty certain.”

(She paid and walked away, muttering about how she knows everyone and how she’s there all the time. It’s worth mentioning that, despite the number of customers I serve each day, I recognise all of the regulars and know many of them by name, so I’d likely remember her if she came in as frequently as she claimed. Funnily enough, I’ve never seen her again since.)

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Has A Weak Cuphold On Reality

, , | Right | December 2, 2019

(I work in a coffee shop that was recently built inside a grocery store. We keep cupholders that clip to the sides of the grocery carts in a basket at the end of the counter where you pick up your drinks and food. I notice one woman walking away with her entire grocery cart covered in the clip-on cupholders, with only one of them actually holding a drink. The basket only has two or three cupholders left.)

Me: “Ma’am? Would you mind putting those cupholders back and only taking the one with your drink in it?”

Customer: “Why? I need them.”

Me: “Ma’am, other customers need them, too. We only have two left, and as soon as the people in line get their drinks we probably won’t have any. I could take them off for you if that would be easier.” 

(I reach for one of the empty cupholders, and she grabs the coupon flyer sitting in her cart and smacks me.)

Customer: “No. They’re mine!”

(She ran away, and I stood there, stunned. I reported the incident to my manager, but my shift had ended, so I left. I later found out that she ran out of the grocery store with the cupholders still on her cart, but she left the cart sitting in the parking lot anyway.)

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