The Bizarre Sight Is A Gift In Of Itself

, , , | Right | June 22, 2017

Customer: “Can you wrap this pomegranate?”

Me: “You mean in plastic?”

Customer: “No, in gift wrap”

Me: “Um… okay.” *boss comes in to see me gift wrapping a pomegranate*

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Keep A Watchful Eye On That One

, , , , | Right | June 22, 2017

Customer: “Hi, I was in here earlier and I left my watch here. I called corporate, and they said I could just come back and get a new one.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “I was in sometime between 5 and 5:30 today when I left my watch.”

(This is taking place at 1:30 pm.)

Me: “We… wouldn’t have been open.”

Customer: “I have to track everywhere I go for my work. I can show you.”

(Customer begins pulling something up on her phone.)

Me: “This store opens at 8:00 am.”

Customer: “Okay, it was at 3:30 pm that I was in.”

Me: “…Today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s 1:30; it hasn’t been 3:30 yet.”

Customer: “Is there a manager I could talk to about this?”

(While I call for the manager, she continues to talk.)

Customer: “Look, I know that you try your hardest, but I think it would be better if I talked this over with a manager.”

(After I hang up the phone, she gestures to the back of the store.)

Customer: “I’ll just take care of it meanwhile. Are they back there?”

Me: “No, that’s our pharmacy. The manager will be up here soon—”

Customer: “No, I mean your watches.”

Me: “We… don’t sell watches.”

Customer: “I can show you that I got it here. I have the bag in my car.”

(The customer walks out of the store just as my manager reaches the front.)

Manager: “Did you still need me?”

Me: “I’m really not sure…”

(If she ever returned, it wasn’t before the end of my shift a half hour later, so I can only guess at what she was talking about!)

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A Signature Death

, , , , | Learning | June 20, 2017

(We are going on a trip in the new couple of weeks, so consent forms have been sent out to our parents for us to return to the school reception.)

Me: *handing form over* “Here you go. Year nine, [Group].”

Receptionist: *taking it* “This is a consent form.”

Me: “Yes. Year nine, [Group].”

Receptionist: “It needs to be completed by your parents and returned to us.”

Me: “I know. They’ve signed it.”

Receptionist: “They need to complete it in case something happens.”

Me: “I know.”

Receptionist: “Like you die.”

Me: “…”

(She hands the form back to me and wanders off. I turn to the other receptionist.)

Me: “Can you?”

Other Receptionist: “Sure… I don’t know about you, but that was really weird.”

Me: “Don’t worry, though. I’ll try not to die at the library.”

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This Questionnaire Is Not Always Hopeless

, , , , | Working | June 19, 2017

(I’m applying online for a job at a chain pet supply store. There’s a pretty exhaustive application process, including a long list of statements you have to mark on a 1-5 scale from “strongly disagree” to “strongly agree.” Most are pretty typical for an entry-level retail job. For example, “I work best as part of a team” or “I appreciate constructive criticism from my superiors.” And then…)

Application Questionnaire: “When I look at the world around me, I feel little or no hope for mankind.”

(For the record, I marked “moderately disagree.” I never did hear back about that job, and not taking a screenshot of the question is one of my great regrets in life.)

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If You’re Michael Jordan Then I’m Bugs Bunny

, , , , , | Working | June 19, 2017

(I am the prospective customer. The employee in question is either working too hard, or not hard enough.)

Me: *answering phone at home* “Hello.”

Telemarketer: *heavy accent* “Hello, my name is Michael Jordan and I’m offering duct cleaning services.”

Me: “Michael, the spokesperson deals not paying enough after your b-ball career?”

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