Brawn Over Brains

, , | | Right | May 19, 2009

(One day at the fitness club I manage, I am called to the front desk of our gym to answer a question for a member.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Fitness Club]. Can I help you?”

Gym Member: “Yes, I was wondering if you can teach me to do what they are doing?”

(The customer gestures to our pool, which has been emptied due to a crack and has several repairmen on the floor trying to fix it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Teach you to do what?”

Gym Member: “To walk on the bottom of the pool like that.”

Me: “Sir, those gentlemen are repairmen. They are fixing a crack in the pool floor.”

Gym Member: “Oh, so you have to be a repairman to learn how to walk underwater like that?!”

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Delicious Deals

, , | | Right | May 18, 2009

Me: “Would you like this gift wrapped?”

Customer: “Yes, I would.”

Me: “Okay, here’s your receipt. Just head to the back of the store in about five min–”

(The customer eats the receipt.)

Me: “Oh… um, you actually need that to collect your purchase from gift wrap…”

(The customer spits the receipt onto the counter.)

Customer: “It didn’t taste very good anyway.”

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Every Time A Bell Rings, A Crazy Customer Appears

, | | Right | May 14, 2009

(Our sandwich shop has a bell that hangs above the door to notify us when customers enter and exit. One day, a woman comes into our shop, making the bell ring.)

Customer: “Oh! What a nice bell!”

Me: “Oh, thank you, ma’am! Welcome to [Sandwich Shop].”

(Instead of approaching me to make her order, the woman proceeds to open and close the door repeatedly, causing the bell to ring each time.)

Me: “…um…”

Customer: “This is so wonderful! Such a wonderful sound. I could do this all day!”

Me: “Er, ma’am, would you like to order anything?”

(By now, all of the other customers are staring at her. She suddenly stops.)

Customer: “What? Oh, no, thank you! I was just leaving.” *exits*

Me: “…really?”

Manager: *from the backroom* “Make sure we aren’t running out of stuff for all the people that just came in!”

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Atone For Sins, Make Peace With Maker, Close Phone Account

, , | | Right | May 12, 2009

Me: “How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to close my account.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but I can assist you with that right here. May I ask why you’re closing your account today?”

Customer: “What? You don’t know?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t.”

Customer: “It’s the Armageddon!”

Me: “Uh, well, okay, ma’am. I’ll get your account closed right away… Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: “Watch your back, young lady! You’ll see! The Armageddon’s coming, make no mistake!” *hangs up*

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Day Trippy

, , | | Right | May 12, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How many books of these stamps?”

(As I ask the customer this, “Yellow Submarine” by the Beatles begins playing on a nearby radio.)

Lady: “Oh, my gosh! I love this song!”

Me: “That’s great. Now, how many books of–”

Lady: *begins to dance towards the door*

Me: “Uh, okay, ma’am, don’t forget your–”

Lady: *dances out of post office, leaving her purse on the table and the rest of the customers confused*

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