I am talking to a female mall security guard when a stranger comes up.

Stranger: “Hey, there are a couple of guys in the ladies’ toilet. One went into a stall and the other is hanging about the sink, apparently waiting for his friend. But he’s creeping us girls out!”

Guard: “All right, let’s have a look.”

Stranger: “They’re in costume, heads completely covered, so we have no idea what they really look like.”

Guard: “Hmm…”

The guard turns to me.

Guard: “Sorry, give me a moment.”

After a while, the guard returns alone.

Me: “What was that?”

Guard: “They were girls! They were just dressed as male characters. Told them to keep their heads out so nobody sees them as men.”

There’s a popular burger chain near my house. They make a salad I like with chicken, guacamole, and bacon. However, I hate the spicy ranch dressing it comes with, so I ask for plain, instead. Seems simple, right?

Ha, no.

I’ve been getting this salad once or twice a month for half a year. I order the same thing every time, and never, not once, have I gotten just plain ranch. Sometimes I get both plain and spicy, sometimes neither. Sometimes I get something completely out of left field, like the day I got raspberry vinaigrette and Parmesan crisps. (How?)

I carry on because the chicken is always delicious. It was annoying at first, but now it’s just funny. It’s become such a running joke in my family that the last time we ordered there, my mom leaned over to peek in my bag and said, “Which one did you get this time?”

It was Caesar.

I’m for hire via a temp agency for day jobs which are mostly cleaning jobs. I’m sent to a holiday park one town over for the day, along with several others, and I am told I will be given a ride by someone from the temp agency, since it’s a bit too long of a road for me to bike there.

The workers gather at the agency office to be picked up and my ride turns out to be one of the workers. The woman herself is… a character, to say the least. The few teeth she still has in her mouth are disgustingly yellow, her hair is a mess, and the thick and greasy layers of makeup that she smeared on her face still can’t conceal all the bruises she has underneath. She leads me to her tiny old car, which is so filled with trash that I literally have no place to sit. She shoves some off the passenger seat, leaving my feet in a pool of plastic bottles, used tissues, cigarette butts, and I don’t wanna know what else. 

We get on the road. It’s scorching hot outside, about thirty degrees Celsius, and she leaves all the windows closed while she’s smoking cigarettes behind the wheel and swaying like a drunk.

She manages to drive right past the holiday park that is situated on the outskirts and drives all the way into town about fifteen minutes away.

Her reasoning? “They said it was at [Town] so that’s where I’m going!”

We pass a local theme park that has advertisements up for a Halloween event and she happily states that she should apply as a scare actor. “I look a fright anyway by myself!” No s***!

We end up arriving at the holiday park half an hour late. We don’t know where we are supposed to report in, so she calls the agency to ask. Halfway through the phone call, she hands her phone over to me and lights another cigarette. I’m trying to keep the makeup-smeared phone as far away from my face as possible. The conversation I try to make with the temp agency is constantly interrupted by loud and gross coughs from the woman and her yanking her phone back to her so she can listen in, continuously coughing loudly near my face.

Finally, we get sent to our duties to clean the bungalows. I end up with another lady who explains what needs to be done with the greatest haste and impatience.

She leaves me alone to clean the bungalow. At this point, it should be noted I have slight autism and anxiety issues. I’m left behind with little to no instructions, and the hellish ride to get here has made my emotions pile up and the result is a giant panic attack.

I go back to the front office to call in sick and fetch a bus back home.

Just another day in the life of working temp jobs, leaving me to wonder how on earth people can be so gross.

I’ve only been working at this vet clinic for about three months, but I’ve had plenty of strange or just plain rude interactions with clients already. This one definitely takes the trophy for TMI. A client calls and wants to make an appointment for his dog to have a urinalysis done, as the dog has had urine issues in the past. I’ve booked him for a few days ahead, and the client has some questions about collecting the urine sample. He’s been very nice and polite throughout the conversation, but then…

Client: “Last time we brought in a sample, we just kinda held a container underneath her to catch the pee. Is that okay?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine, as long as you bring the sample in to us within an hour of collecting it. And if you have a sterile container, that would also be great.”

Client: “So, like, clean out a Tupperware container or something?”

Me: “Yep, and if you have cleaning alcohol, that would be preferred, but if not, just a clean container will do.”

Client: “Oh! I think I still have a sterile container from a little while ago. I was going to use it for my vasectomy sample, but that never ended up happening, so I can use that!” *Laughs*

I actually pull the phone away from my face and stare at it for a second before composing myself and return to the call.

Me: “Well, yes, like I said, as long as it’s clean…”

I confirmed his appointment time again and hung up, a bit bewildered. My coworker saw my face and asked what happened; when I retold the conversation, she said, “Why the h*** would anyone tell you that willingly?! That’s so gross!” I honestly don’t know. I don’t think he was being creepy but it definitely threw me off.

Customer: “I’m here for my 2:00 pm appointment for an oil change.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. When you’re finished, your total will be $28.16.”

Customer: “Can I add a note?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Can you ask them not to put the windows down? They won’t go back up. I left the sunroof open for access.”

Me: “I apologize, but access to what?”

Customer: “Just don’t put my windows down.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I’m not understanding the sunroof?”

Customer: *Grinning like I’m an idiot* “Thank you!”

Me: *Genuinely confused* “Ma’am, I understand not to put the windows down, but I don’t understand why we would need access through the sunroof. Is there an issue with the doors?”

Customer: *Same grin* “Thank you!” *Pauses* “Thank you!” *Pauses* “Thank you!”

Me: “All right, then.”

I then walk into the bay, because surely the tech knows something I don’t.

Tech: “She means that if we lock the keys in the car, we can get in through the sunroof, which ain’t happening, ‘cause I’m not climbing in through a sunroof.”

Me: “Why didn’t she just say that instead of acting like a dumba** about it?!”

Tech: *Shrugs*