Existential Dilemmas

, | | Right | September 8, 2008

Me: “Hi, Ms. [Boss]’s office.”

Caller: “Hi, is Ms. [Boss] in today?”

Me: “No, sorry. She’s on vacation. Can I take a message?”

Caller: “Yes. Wait… are you an answering machine?”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am.”

Caller: “Are you sure?!”

 

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Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win, Part 2

, | | Right | September 7, 2008

Me: “Hi, this is Alyssa. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yeah, someone from your company called me and they were being all friendly to me over the phone.”

Me: “Oh? Were they rude to you in anyway?”

Caller: “No… it’s just… they were being all nice… and I don’t like it when people pretend to be my friend, like they know me!”

Me: “All right, but I don’t understand what the problem is with that.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “You know what, I’ll just go ahead and take you off our calling list, okay? You have a great day.”

 

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Just Another Day In Bedrock

, , | | Right | September 4, 2008

(Keep in mind, this customer comes in about ten times a day. He’s insane and you never know what you will get from this guy.)

Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “Okay. That will be thirteen fifty.”

Customer: *hands me money* “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “You don’t say?”

Customer: *angrily* “Yabba dabba!”

Me: “Doo. Have a good day.”

Customer: *happy now* “YABBA DABBA!!!!” *leaves*

(He came back about two hours later, talking regularly like nothing happened.)

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Baptism On A Budget

, , | | Right | September 3, 2008

Customer: “I need some help with the animal watering troughs.”

Me: “Sure, they are outside. Let’s go look at them.”

(Outside…)

Customer: “Can I see if I fit in it?”

Me: “Um, okay.”

(The customer climbs in.)

Customer: *to companion* “Okay, now you get in, too, and see if we will both fit.”

(The customer’s companion climbs in.)

Customer: “Okay, this will work, but do you have any nicer looking ones, without dents? We are using it for a baptismal font.”

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Bananas For Vanana

, , , | | Right | August 26, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Ice Cream Shop]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like some banana ice cream.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(She pays and leaves. A moment later, she storms in, literally pushing people out of the way.)

Customer: “This is not what I ordered!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ll be happy to change that for you.”

Customer: “You better!”

Me: “So, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Banana ice cream.”

Me: “Banana? That’s what I served you earlier. Is that not banana?”

Customer: “No. I said banana!”

Me: “Yes, banana.”

Customer:: “You taste it! It’s not banana! I said banana!

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be happy to give you a new bowl. Perhaps, since we mix our own ice cream, the banana taste wasn’t mixed all the way through.”

Customer: “Listen, I said banana, not banana!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “BANANA BANANA BANANA!”

Me: “Banana?”

(Suddenly, her B’s turn into V’s…)

Customer: “Vanana!”

Me: “Oh, my God. Vanilla?”

Customer: “Yes, you dumb, b****! VANANA!”

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