Welcome To Retail, Part 3

, , , , | | Right | October 2, 2008

(I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir? ”

Customer: “Uh… uh… ”

(I then notice that he’s peeing on some of our boxwoods.)

Me: “What–”

Customer: “I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!” *zips up and runs out*

Coworker: “Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!”

Me: *drops watering hose* “I’m taking a break.”


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And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam, Part 2

, , | | Right | September 29, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I have your university user name?”

Caller: “What’s a user’s name?”

Me: “Oh… well, how are you affiliated with [University]?

Caller: “It’s what came up on my screen.”

Me: “Okay… well, I’m sorry, but this help desk is only for students, staff, and faculty of our university.”

Caller: “But the page said to call!”

Me: “Yes. If you’re in any way affiliated with us we’d be happy to help you, but this service is for students, staff, and faculty.

Caller: “But it didn’t say that; it just said to call!”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but you can’t just call any number on the Internet and expect support!”

Caller: “Well, why not?!” *hangs up*


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Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4

, , , | | Right | September 19, 2008

Customer: “What time do you guys close?”

Me: “Nine.”

Customer: “… o’clock?”

Me: “No… feet. Nine feet.”


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Daddy’s Little Grown-Up And Not-So-Bright Girl

, , | | Right | September 19, 2008

Customer: “I’m lost. Can I use your phone?”

Me: “I’m sorry, our phones don’t call outside the park.”

Customer: “Can’t you call somebody to help me? I’m lost and I can’t find my daddy.”

Me: “Sure. How old are you?”

Customer: “19.”

Me: “…I’m afraid our security only helps lost children.”

Customer: “But I AM lost.”

Me: “Well, do you know his cell number?”

Customer: “Yeah.” *pulls out cellphone*

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Slightly Better Than The Answer To Life, The Universe And Everything

, , , | | Right | September 18, 2008

Customer: “I want to buy some lottery tickets.”

Me: “Okay. Which game, and how many?”

Customer: “I don’t want to give away my secret plan!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what you want, I can’t sell you the appropriate ticket. I need to know what you want to get it for you.”

(There’s a long pause during which she just blinks at me and the clerks behind me.)

Customer: “… oh. Well, I’ll take two Super Lottos, then…”

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