Did A Job On You

, , , , | UK | Friendly | December 12, 2016

I am autistic and because of this have always come off as… odd. Odd enough most people don’t want to hire me.

I am in the job centre to look at the jobs available so I can apply when a man walks over and starts talking to me. I try to be polite as he insists on continuing to talk until finally he says “I’m from [Local Church] group.c

I smile and say that I’m not interested, leafing through the information pages of the jobs. Finally he comments on my accent.

I am English born and raised, but my autism has given me a strong northern American accent. I explain that to him, making a joke about it making me unique like I always do even as I feel myself wilting inside. I find social interaction exhausting.

The next thing I know, the man puts his hand on my shoulder and says “I am so sorry to hear that!” Like I have a terminal disease and I only have three days to live. And I am panicking because I hate being touched and he’s looking me straight in the eyes as he says this. “But one day the lord will help you.”

And that’s when I grabbed my stuff and ran out of the building still carrying the paper. Never went back and ended up being signed off work from stress.

Skim Over The Truth

, | Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | November 8, 2016

(I’m working my last week in a local health food grocery, and earlier in the day we were swamped with customers. Naturally, things will probably go out of stock until the next delivery day.)

Customer: “Why are you out of skim milk?”

Coworker: “Let me ask. Hey, [My Name], do you know why we’re out of skim?”

Me: “Well… I would assume because people bought it all. We could check the back stock but chances are it’s all gone.”

(Sure enough, we’re completely out of skim milk. Apparently the customer didn’t appreciate having the truth given to her, because she comes up later specifically to me. Oh boy.)

Customer: “You need to stop being such a smart-a**.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Of course people bought it all. That was stupid. You should’ve worded it like ‘the shipment isn’t here yet’ or ‘it’s stuck in the mountains’ or something.”

Me: “So you want me to lie to you… about why we don’t have skim. What?”

(So remember, if the customer asks you a question, make up the answer. Lesson learned.)

Rock Around The Clock

, , | NC, USA | Friendly | November 7, 2016

After my freshman year of college, I sublet a friend’s room for the summer, in an apartment on the ground floor, to be closer to my job. I share the apartment with her roommate and her roommate’s boyfriend. We all get along really well, spend time together whenever we feel like it, etc.

The week I move in, they warn me about a neighbor across the hall they call the “Random Rock Band Guy.” Apparently he had a habit of playing Rock Band at odd hours, but mentioning the noise to the apartment manager had apparently not been helpful.

About two weeks later, I’m sound asleep on a weeknight, when around three am there’s a blast of music so loud you can hear it throughout our apartment. I stumble to the front door and open it a bit to peek out. Across the hall, the door is wide open, and Random Rock Band Guy is sitting there in nothing but his boxers and a backwards hat, banging away on the drum set that comes with the game. I stare for a minute before locking the door and crawling back into bed.

Since he isn’t actually harming anyone, and the Rock Band playing is so sporadic, there isn’t really much the manager was willing to do about it.

It isn’t until I am about to move out at the end of the summer that I think of playing some kind of retaliation music whenever he starts up.

It didn’t work.

TGI Pieday

, | Orlando, FL, USA | Hopeless | October 25, 2016

(I am a substitute teacher, subbing for a middle school agriculture class.)

Me: *working on getting ready for the next class*

Woman: *walks in holding something* “Hello!”

Me: “Hi, is there something you need?”

Woman: *handing over the item, to which I realize it is an apple pie* “Today is pie day, so here is an apple pie in honor of today.”

(I pause as I stare at the pie in her hands, realizing she thinks I’m the actual teacher.)

Me: “Actually, I’m just a substitute teacher. I’ll leave this for the actual teacher in her mini fridge.” *given the pie and about to put it away*

Woman: “Wait a moment!” *rushes off and comes back a minute later with another pie* “Here, for you!”

Me: *stunned* “Um, but—”

Woman: “It’s pie day, and I would love for you to have a pie to commemorate that. Plus, it doesn’t matter if you’re a substitute or not. Happy Pie Day!” *hands over pie and leaves*

(I smiled widely as I love pie, and it was a nice gesture that she didn’t mind not only giving one pie to the actual teacher, but to a substitute as well! I’ll never forget that!)

Mayberry Meets Gotham

, , | IL, USA | Hopeless | July 13, 2016

(I’m at the local driver’s services facility. I see a rather aggressive looking young female, straight darker blonde hair, and multiple piercings. She’s wearing a Batman baseball cap tilted to the side, a Batman shirt, and has a Batman lanyard hanging out of her back pocket. She goes to leave, and a tall elderly veteran, wearing loose fitting athletic clothes, and a VFW cap with many pins on it, holds open the door for the person leaving in front of ‘Batgirl.’ ‘Grampa’ hadn’t seen the young lady and goes to walk inside, practically ramming into her.)

Grampa: “Oh! Excuse me! I’m so sorry!”

Batgirl: *with a sweet, almost toddler sounding voice* “It’s okay! Thank you for holding the door for me!”

Grampa: “You’re most welcome!”

Batgirl: “How are you today?”

Grampa: *a bit taken aback by her question, starts laughing* “Oh, well, I’m – well, super-duper fantastic!”

Batgirl: *as she’s disappearing around the corner* “You have a great day, now!”

(Grampa enters the building, huge smile on his face and gets in line…)

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