Might Need An Extra Day Off For Therapy

, , , , , | Working | March 1, 2018

(I am working part-time at a department store over the Christmas season. It is just about a week before Christmas. I am talking with a coworker about how busy it’s going to get.)

Coworker: “I have to work [days] next week.”

Me: “I work every day except [day], since I asked for it off.”

Coworker: “And they gave it to you?!”

Me: “Well, my mom actually died last month, and [Local Organization] is having a memorial for everyone who has died this last year. So, my brother and sister and I are all going.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I remember when I was younger, my uncle killed my aunt and then himself!”

(With that, she turns around and walks away.)

Me: “Congratulations. Your life sucks more than mine does.”

Pumping Out Some Gender Bias

, , , , , , | Working | February 28, 2018

(I volunteer for a breastfeeding support organization that, among other things, hires breast pumps to women needing to express milk. One of our machines is acting up and, since the manufacturer’s recommended repairer is in another state, we are looking into other services that know small appliance motors. My colleague suggests her sewing machine guy.)

Guy: *chirpy* “Hello, [Sewing Machines].”

Me: “Hi, I was wondering if you service other small electrical appliances at all?”

Guy: *still chirpy* “All the time! What would you like me to take a look at?”

Me: “Great! Well, I’m from the [Organisation which includes the word ‘Breastfeeding’ in the name], and we’re having some problems with one of our electric breast pump machines, so we were wondering if you could take a look at it?”

Guy: *silence… then angry voice* “What do you think I am, some sort of perv?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guy: *really angry, now* “This is ladies’ business! You should be asking the ladies about this!”

Me: “Well, I don’t know any ladies that can tell me if the drive belt is tensioned correctly. I just thought, seeing as you are an electrician, familiar with these kinds of motors, this would be something you could look at.”

Guy: *shouts* “I am not a pervert!” *hangs up*

(We ended up getting it serviced by someone’s 80-year-old engineer grandfather; so much for “ladies’ business.”)

Time For You To Go-gurt

, , , , , , | Working | February 28, 2018

(I work at a large retail and grocery store. One day, our entire refrigeration unit breaks down completely and the whole store’s stock of refrigerated and frozen items has to be thrown away. I’m outside all day — a very warm day at that — by a dumpster with several coworkers and a manager, processing and disposing of the spoiled items. Later that night, it’s just myself and the manager left, when a car pulls up to the dumpster. One of the coworkers that had been with us earlier gets out of the car and hops in the dumpster.)

Coworker: “I think I dropped my keys in in here earlier.”

(My manager and I watch the coworker as he piles several large containers of yogurt on the side of the dumpster. Another person jumps out of the car and grabs the yogurt.)

Manager #1: “[Coworker], what are you doing?”

Coworker: “My keys are in there; don’t worry about it.”

([Coworker] gets in the truck and drives off as [Manager #1] and I stare at each other in disbelief.)

Manager #1: *over the radio* “Uh… Hey, [Manager #2], can you come outside to the disposal area, please?”

([Manager #2] arrives and we explain the situation to her.)

Manager #2: “Wait, he was stealing yogurt that had certainly gone bad and you didn’t stop him?”

Manager #1: “We’re not asset protection. Policy doesn’t allow us to intervene, only observe and report; you know this.”

Manager #2: *sigh* “Yes, you’re right. Let me go get [Coworker]’s number and I’ll call him.

(Later, [Manager #2] tells me the phone conversation went as follows.)

Manager #2: “So, my associates are telling me that you took yogurt out of the dumpster earlier tonight. Is that true?”

Coworker: “Well, yeah, you had already thrown it out, anyway. My dad wanted some, and I figured it was okay.”

Manager #2: “What the heck are you thinking?! First off, throw that yogurt out. It sat outside all day on a warm day; there’s no way it’s anywhere close to edible. You’re going to make your father very sick!”

Coworker: “Oh… Really?”

Manager #2: “Yes, really! Secondly, until the product has been removed from the property by the proper disposal services, it’s still technically theft. By policy, I have no choice but to treat it as such.”

Coworker: “Um… Do I still have a job?”

Manager #2: “Probably not. Honestly, I don’t even know if I can even let you back in the building at this point.”

Coworker: “Aw, man.”

(Unsurprisingly, [Coworker] was fired the next day upon showing up for his shift. The story quickly spread around the store, and a few of us joked for a while about hoping to find car keys hidden away in cups of yogurt.)

The Demon Owls Of South Carolina

, , , , | Related | February 26, 2018

(My grandmother and I are sitting in a hotel room when all of a sudden she grabs the Bible out of the drawer and chucks it at the window.)

Grandmother: “The power of Jesus compels you to leave!” *looks perplexed* “Oh, false alarm.”

Me: *startled* “What the heck did you do that for?”

Grandmother: “I thought I saw a demon looking in the window from the tree, but then it flew away and I realized it was just an owl.”

(She then went back to silently reading a travel brochure. I have the weirdest grandma ever, and I’m proud of that.)

It’s A Hassle To Do As You’re Told

, , , , , | Right | February 25, 2018

(I work in the footwear department at a store. One day, while I am stocking the shelves, a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Can you help me find something?”

Me: “Absolutely! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have [Work Boots] in a size 9?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we no longer have those in stock. Would you like me to check online for you?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(The customer and I walk to the nearest computer terminal and do a quick web search. We find the work boots pretty quickly.)

Me: “All right, sir, would you like to place an order for these work boots?”

Customer: “Stop hassling me!”

Me: *caught off guard by his sudden change in attitude* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *slowly* “Stop hassling me.”

Me: “I’m not trying to hassle you, sir. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. Does this mean you don’t want the boots?”

Customer: “I would have ordered them if you hadn’t just hassled me!” *walks out*

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