My husband is a stickler for making sure that items that are sealed at a grocery store are sealed when being purchased. I am out shopping one day without him present and pick up four gallons of a popular brand of sweet tea. As I am loading the groceries onto the belt to be scanned, I noticed that one of the twist-off lids is loose.

I reach for it and unscrew the lid the rest of the way and examine the seal. Everything looks to be fine, but in my state of having just gotten off a ten-hour day at work, I decide to test the seal. I turn the gallon of tea upside down and squeeze it over the conveyor belt. Luckily, the seal is solid and nothing happens. I put the lid back on tight and proceed to approach the debit card reader.

The cashier is looking at me in horror, mid-scan, and it clicks what I just did.

Me: “I am so sorry! I don’t even know what I was thinking there.”

Cashier: *Silent for a moment* “It’s okay.” 

Me: “I swear I am not that customer! It was just a really long day today! I am so sorry.”

Cashier: “I was just wondering what you would have done if it spilled.”

I apologized again before I left. I am so thankful that nothing happened!

I worked for about twenty years as a server and thought I’d seen it all until I started this job. I work currently as the night auditor at a small hotel in a university town.

A few weeks ago, I had a noise complaint at around 3:00 am. I called the room twice and got no response, so I walked up there and knocked on the door. When the door opened, there stood Catwoman. She purred at me.

Ummmmm…

I looked past her and there was another Catwoman sitting on the back of a man who was clearly dressed as a horse. She had a small whip and lightly smacked his a** with it. He neighed.

I just stood there with my mouth open. Just when I was starting to get my thoughts together, a dude dressed as a My Little Pony walked out of the bathroom on all fours and snorted. I lost it.

When I recovered, I told them about the noise complaint and asked them to keep it down. They apologized and I didn’t hear any more out of them. When they checked out, they were very friendly.

To add a little flair to the health crisis, our library’s air conditioning breaks in the hottest part of the summer. Our director gives us permission to close early each day once the heat inside gets too unbearable to work, so during the two weeks the repairmen need to find a part, we close between 1:00 and 3:00 pm every day. 

I am stationed at our front door handling our curbside service as patrons are not currently allowed in the building. A woman comes to the door and I fetch the books she wants.

Patron: “Oh, and I called earlier and they said you were closed yesterday, but here you are.”

Me: “That’s right. We closed yesterday at around one. Our air conditi—”

Patron: “No, you see, you were open all day yesterday. That girl on the phone tried to tell me you were closed, but here you are, open!”

Me: “Uh… we actually closed at one yesterday because our—”

Patron: “No, you were open yesterday. That girl said you weren’t, but you were because you’re open today.”

Me: “We’ll probably close today because it’s getting too hot.”

Patron: “But you were open yesterday! I know because you’re here today. Anyway! Thanks for the books!”

And she went off to her car, leaving me confused about why she was so insistent that we were open all day the day before.

When I was in my late teens, I was a programmer for a huge aerospace firm. The parking lot alone was the size of the lot for a mid-sized shopping mall. When I was leaving work one day, I realized that my car keys were missing. The keychain on it was unique: a long strip of some furry animal skin. I checked with security and nobody had turned in any keys. Security contacted a locksmith for me and he got me in my car and made a replacement key. It cost me quite a bit, but I wised up and duplicated the key, plus copies of my other keys, so I had spares… just in case.

“Just in case” was nearly a year later. I knew I could call my dad and have him bring me spares, but I figured I’d check with security first.

Me: “Hi. Did you have any keys turned in today?”

Guard: “Oh, yes. We just had these turned in today.”

He reached in the lost and found box, and I could tell at a glance as he pulled it out that it was mine. It was the furry-tailed set of keys I lost the year before. The set I lost that day never turned up. So weird.

I have just started my new job as a librarian. It’s our holiday party and I’m sitting with a few coworkers. I don’t remember what we are talking about, but one of my only coworkers close to my age sits next to me and I do remember what she says next.

Coworker: “So, I was reading about consensual cannibalism…”