Dragonball USB

, , | Right | August 29, 2017

(I’m opening the store when one of our local druggies approaches me.)

Him: “’Ello Darlin’, mind if I bother you while I wait for the bank to open?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, no problem. Do you need me to help you find anything?”

Him: “No, you’re not going to have a job soon, though.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Him: “DVDs are a failing market, man, everything is going to be sold on USBs. People won’t want DVDs anymore.”

Me: “But… wouldn’t I be selling the USBs then?”

Him: “…yes. But the market will fail and you won’t have a job because the economy is terrible. I don’t believe in money though, it’s just a thing made up by the government.” *spots a DVD that takes his fancy* “Oh Dragonball Z! Sick! Now that’s something, that is real man, seriously we are in the Dragonball universe right now.”

Me: *sculls coffee*

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They Have A Chip On Their Shoulder About Having A Chip In Their Shoulder

, , , , , | Working | August 29, 2017

(When I get to the checkout, the cashier is giving a very large cash drop, probably about $1000, to a colleague to put in the safe.)

Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize that many people still used cash.”

Cashier: “Oh, yeah, I only ever use cash. Cards are evil.”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, they say evil is tempting, right?”

Cashier: “No, some things are just evil. Did you know that if you have a kid in the US, they’ll put a chip in them whether you want them to or not? We’re human beings, not dogs!”

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Customer Service Makes You Want To Die

, , , , | Right | August 26, 2017

(We offer a lot of unique cards for all occasions. But after the holidays, our supplies are usually pretty low until we get new shipment in. A customer, roughly in her late forties to early fifties, approaches me.)

Customer: “Can you show me where your sympathy cards are?”

Me: “Right this way. They’ll be along this wall.”

Customer: “Are these all you have?”

Me: “Yes, these would be it. We’re still getting shipments in to recover from the holiday season.”

Customer: “People die a lot during the holidays.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that…”

Customer: “No, no. It’s for the best.”

Me: *unsure what to say*

Customer: “I mean, everyone’s going to die. It’s just a matter of time. And it’s better for them. They go to a better place. You’d better brace yourself. Because one day, everyone you know will just start dropping dead.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “But it always leaves new openings for new beginnings.”

Me: *scrambling for anything to say in response* “Right. Like how the tarot card for death means the end of something so that something else can take its place.”

Customer: “Exactly. And it will be better. So it’s good that people die.”

(I am called away to ring people up, so I am working the cash register when she is checking out.)

Customer: *as she’s leaving* “Live life! Life is short! Your youth isn’t a guarantee!”

Me: “Have a good day?”

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Voicing Your Concerns

, , , | Right | August 26, 2017

(Unfortunately, I’m the odd customer in this one. I approached a checkout at about four pm, ready to pay for my item.)

Cashier: “Afternoon!”

Me: “Good afterno—”

(I pause for a moment.)

Me: “Sorry, I just realised that’s the first time I’ve spoken all day. My voice box isn’t too happy about it.”

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You’re Not Their Number One Choice

, , | Right | August 25, 2017

(I work in a call centre for a bank and get plenty of angry customers, sometimes with good reason and sometimes not so much…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “And so what is [Bank]’s phone number?”

Me: “It’s [free phone number].”

Customer: *now very angry* “Well, that’s the number I’ve just called!”

Me: “Yes, madam, it is. How could we help you today?”

Customer: “Oh, never mind. I’m going to call back through and speak to someone who knows what they’re talking about.” *hangs up*

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