I’m working away, stocking shelves. I’m part of the management team and am usually the one called to handle shoplifters. As I walk past an aisle, I notice a man stuffing cologne boxes into his backpack, about to zip it up. I immediately go into red alert.

Me: “Um, I really hope you plan on paying for those.”

Customer: “Oh, they’re empty.”

Me: “I apologize, but that seems very suspicious, so do you mind if I take a look to confirm?”

He opens the bag and hands it over. As I’m investigating the contents, he proceeds to explain.

Customer: “I just brought these in so I knew what brands to buy. I gifted these and needed to buy more.”

After I confirmed the packages were empty, I noticed his basket filled with matching cologne boxes and apologized for the inconvenience. He then told me there was no need and appreciated that I was just doing my job and he understood how it looked. 

He then thanked me and continued on to finish his purchase. If only all these encounters went this smoothly.

Me: “Hello, this is [ISP]. My name is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Did you say your name is [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Yes, hello?”

Customer: “I’m asking you if your name is [My Name].”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Yes, that is my name.”

Customer: “See, I want to cancel my internet now. Because you people are always so rude to me. I don’t need your Internet anymore.” *Muttering to herself* “All this attitude because I asked for your name, come on…”

I had a neutral tone in my voice the entire time. I’ve had other customers ask me to repeat my name multiple times in a similar fashion and they’ve never had an issue. Calls can have audio issues, I understand that. Normally, I would try to do some retention methods, but I was just so taken aback by the response that I just cancelled her. Jeez, lady… all I did was tell you my name.

Back in 1999, I worked for a British phone company in the billing department. One day, I got a call from a customer wanting to discuss some phone numbers that had appeared on his bill. I went through security questions and then looked at his bill. I was shocked by what I saw. His monthly phone bill was just over £1,500.00 which, given that my rent for a two-bedroom flat at the time was £450.00, was an astonishing amount. I looked more carefully and found hundreds or perhaps thousands of calls to premium-rate sex lines.

I asked the customer where he wanted me to start, and he only wanted to identify a couple of local rate calls. I found the information he wanted, and he said thank you and hung up.

A colleague saw me with my mouth still agape.

Colleague: “Was that [Customer]?”

Me: “Yes!”

Colleague: “That guy calls every month with the same sort of question, and his bill is always around £1,500.00. All sex lines. It’s amazing. I mean, he could hire a prostitute every day and spend less.”

I never had a customer like that again.

I live in a shared house. My housemate buys a four-pack of chocolate doughnuts and puts them in the war zone we call a fridge… and just leaves them there indefinitely.

Obviously, the things eventually expire — still in their box, uneaten — but still, they sit there, untouched. A month elapses, and they are still there, and while they look essentially the same, I take it upon myself to throw them away, as I figure they’ll be spoiled for sure, and no one is going to want six-week-old donuts anymore, anyway.

Well, the joke is on me, apparently, as later that night, the housemate who bought them approaches me.

Housemate: “Why did you throw my donuts away?”

Me: “They’ve been in there for over a month. They’ve expired.”

Housemate: “I don’t care. I want you to put them back.”

So I grab them — FROM THE BIN — and do just that. Good thing I hadn’t taken them out of the box, or indeed taken the bin out!

I have no idea whether or not they were ever eaten, as I stopped using the fridge — and the kitchen altogether — shortly thereafter.

I get a new job at this grocery store. I am hearing impaired and wear hearing aids. Nonetheless, the hiring manager is kind and patient with me and my hearing loss, and he makes it his duty to introduce me to one of my supervisors. I have an app that transcribes on my phone to help communicate with customers.

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me? I’m—” *Unintelligible rapid talking*

Me: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

The customer continues to talk rapidly. I have a bright yellow tag on my apron — a stark contrast to my blue apron — that reads in big, bold, letters, “Hearing Impaired.” Most people by now would’ve read this and it would’ve given me the chance to offer another way to hear them. This lady does not, and instead continues her long, almost rant-like request. When she’s done, I smile, and say:

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I’m hard of hearing. I do have a transcribe app on my phone.” *Pulling it out* “Sorry, one second. All right! What were you saying?”

I hold the phone out to her. The customer grabs the phone, looks at it, and then starts speaking into it. Before she realizes it’s transcribing her words, she starts swinging her arm around, the one holding my phone.

My smile fades slightly as I’m worried she will drop it and annoyed she isn’t speaking into it, but I do not take my phone back nor interrupt her. When she finally stops, I smile at her and wait. She stares at me. I realize she just… took my phone and had no intention of giving it back without prompting.

Me: “Ma’am, can I get my phone back?”

I take the phone back quickly.

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot hear you, but if you give me a second, I’ll find a supervisor to help you.”

I ran off to find a supervisor and he handled her when he heard what happened. I still have no idea what the heck that lady thought I was holding out my phone for, especially since I clearly stated it was a transcribe app!