My Husband The T-Rex

, , , , | Romantic | October 4, 2017

Me: *making toast in the kitchen* “What are you looking for?”

Husband: “Paper towel.”

Me: *hands it to him; it is right next to his hand* “Wow, that really was a man-look.”

Husband: “I can’t help it. Men have eyesight based on movement. It’s true. Look it up. It’s a hunter thing.”

Me: *laughs* “Are you saying that all men are predators?”

Husband: “Rawr!”

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Fire Drill Needs To Incorporate Evil Twins

, , , , | Learning | October 4, 2017

During my freshman year writing class, we have a fire drill. We probably couldn’t even tell you the name of our classmates or our professor, so we try to just find who we have been sitting next to and gather as a group. Trained from earliest school days, we form a group around our professor. Our professor gives us strange looks, and seems distracted. He doesn’t try to look to see who is there or whether he has the same number of students he left the building with. He actually seems to be trying to avoid us. We notice at the end of the fire drill that we are missing a quarter of our class, but don’t think too much about it, figuring we’ll find them in the end, or that they’ve used it as an excuse to leave class early.

Suddenly, we see another man, who looks very similar to the one we are gathered around, walking up to our group. Following him is the rest of our class. It’s our professor! He is very annoyed with us for not being with the rest of the class, until he looks at the man we’ve been standing next to. Except for the fact that they are wearing different clothes, the two could be brothers!

It turns out that the man who wasn’t our professor was there to interview for another position, and got caught in the building when the fire alarm went off. We still have no idea why he didn’t say anything when he saw twenty or more teenagers following him as a group, but we had a good laugh over it when we were let back in the building.

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Their Humor Is Fast And Moose

, , | Learning | October 3, 2017

(I am on a kayaking trip. We are learning about safety, and our instructor is sharing stories. He shares a story on how he can emit a moose call, and I am fascinated.)

Me: “Really? You can do a moose call? Can you do it right now?”

(He looks at me, then makes a big show of stretching and getting ready to emit this big call. He slowly brings his hands up to his mouth, holds them there, and then:)

Instructor: “HERE, MOOSEY MOOSEY!”

(It was hilarious, but I felt slightly embarrassed that I fell for it.)

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Call-Back Attack

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2017

(I work as a secretary for a fairly high-end salon.)

Me: “[Salon], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I think I missed a call from your number and wanted to call you back and make sure.”

Me: *hasn’t made any outgoing calls* “No, ma’am, but if you would tell me the reason for your call, perhaps I could help?”

Caller: “Oh, no! I’ll wait! You can call me back.”

Me: “But, ma’am…”

Caller: “It’s okay. You can call me back.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “Okay. Goodbye.”

(I learned later that this woman made four of these calls, and all she really wanted was to reschedule her appointment, which I could have done if she had said anything.)

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The Stygian Void Is Female

, , , , , | Learning | October 3, 2017

(I am currently taking a female modernist literature course. During one of our class discussions, our professor gives off a list of words, and after each one, we are to name its “opposite.” Afterwards, she says which side is stereotypically associated with the male or female gender. It is pretty basic at first: sun/moon, reason/illogical, etc. Then, the professor gets to the word “soul.”)

Professor: “How about ‘soul?’ Anyone?”

Classmate #1: “‘Body?’”

Classmate #2: “I’d say ‘body.’”

(This is echoed by my fellow classmates, save one girl who speaks up in a dark voice.)

Classmate #3: “THE ABYSS.”

(Everyone stops talking for a second and stares at her. The girl just sits there, smiling as if she’s done nothing unusual.)

Classmate #1: “I like hers better!”

(The classroom agreed and the professor happily jotted it down.)

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