Sex With Real Bite

, , , , | Learning | May 31, 2017

Health Teacher: “What is the most important sexual organ?”

Student: “Teeth?”

Wasn’t Done In A New York Minute

, , , , | Right | May 29, 2017

(I work at a very large church in NYC that’s also a popular tourist destination. We’re known not just for our grandeur, but also our programming, both liturgical and secular, which brings a lot of people through our doors. I work in the gift shop, which is also something of a reception area. In the middle of a busy day, I get this phone call.)

Me: “[My Church] Visitors Center. This is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hi, there’s an organ concert happening at [Church on the other side of town] next week and I’m coming into Penn Station to hear it.”

(Please note, we have organ concerts, as well, so I’m thinking this has something to do with our organist.)

Caller: “How do I get there?”

Me: “From [My Church]?”

Caller: “No! From Penn Station! Can I walk to Madison Avenue and then take the Madison Avenue local?”

Me: “Walk to Madison Avenue from Penn Station? It’s kind of far.”

Caller: “But can I walk it?”

Me: “I suppose you could walk the entire way if you wanted to.”

Caller: “But I want to walk to Madison Avenue and then take the local up!”

Me: “This isn’t [Church across town]. This is [My Church].”

Caller: “I know! But no one was picking up over there!”

Me: “I can try to help get you directions, but we’re not affiliated with that church, so I’m not familiar with where it is.”

Caller: “I know you’re not! I’m just trying to find out if I can walk to Madison Avenue and take the Madison Avenue local up!”

Me: “To get across town your best bet is to take the shuttle at Times Square.”

Caller: “I don’t want to take a shuttle! What subway should I take!”

Me: “The shuttle is the subway you should take. It runs from Times Square to Grand Central and back.”

(This goes on for far longer than you’d think it should, after I’ve given him explicit subway instructions with him questioning me at every direction. He doesn’t believe me that there’s no subway line on Madison Avenue. He doesn’t believe me that the closest subway stop is four blocks and two avenues from the church, and he’s getting increasingly frustrated that I don’t know the exact address and location of a church I don’t work for. My line is growing and my colleague — who is not required to answer phones, by the way — offers to take the call so I can get back to our visitors.)

Me: “I’m going to pass you on to my colleague, because I have a line of customers here who need help, but she will help you find the best way to get there.”

Caller: “Customers? What’s going on there? Is there an event?”

Me: “No, no event today.”

Caller: “Then what customers do you have?”

Me: “We have tourists visiting here every day.”

Caller: “Is this the gift shop?!”

Me: “Yes. I’m passing you on to my colleague now.”

(She takes the phone while I apologize to our paying customers. I can overhear her telling him basically the same things I said and apparently getting the same backlash. Ultimately I hear her say, “We don’t work for the MTA or that church, but the MTA’s website has a function to help you find the best route,” and shortly after that the call is over and my line has died down.)

Me: “What did he say when you told him you don’t work for the MTA?”

Colleague: “He said, ‘But you’re New Yorkers!’”

No Point Crying Over Maced Milk

, , | Bothell, WA, USA | Right | April 29, 2017

I’m working a closing shift in a department by the front door. Our store is 24-hour but my department is not. I see a young man come in with his two female friends. The man is stumbling and very nearly knocks over a wine display. One of the female friends asks me where they can find the milk. I direct them to the dairy section and continue mopping.

About five minutes later, I gather my trash and wheel it back to the dumpster; due to the placement of my department in the store, I have to walk through the entire store to get to the back.

When I pass the dairy section, another customer stops me and alerts me that a young man has puked in the freezer section. I thank them for letting me know, and tell the night manager and the dairy clerk as I continue towards the back.

As I throw my garbage in the dumpster I hear the night manager and dairy clerk enter the back room and page another clerk to mop the freezer aisle. The two men are shaking their heads in exasperation.

Apparently, the young man from earlier had been maced in the face, and his female friends had grabbed a bottle of milk and thrown it in his face, in an attempt to “help.” The man was very high and became belligerent with the manager when he (the manager) offered assistance. The group had to be escorted off the premises and next door to the immediate care clinic. Maybe next time they’ll let a professional look at him first instead of trying to solve the issue (creatively) themselves…

Libraries: The New Google!

, | Norman, OK, USA | Right | April 21, 2017

I work in a library.

A guy from Florida called because he found a painting in his mother in law’s garage and wanted to know what kind of turkey was in it.

The Bad Condition Of The Rules

, | USA | Learning | March 20, 2017

My high school job is shelving books in a library. It is a great job, good pay, wonderful coworkers, and flexible hours. They also have a relaxed dress code, which is basically the same as the local school system’s. That’s actually how they described it to newcomers: anything they can wear to school, they can wear to work at the library.

At another branch, the students started regularly wearing torn jeans to work. The main office saw this and thought it looked trashy, so they made a rule: no more jeans. Every other kind of pants were fine, even sweatpants, but no jeans.

So of course, now I can wear a pair of torn khakis with holes in the knees, according to the rules, but a nice, new pair of intact jeans are not allowed. I don’t think banning jeans in itself is a stupid and unreasonable move, but if they had a problem with the condition of them, it makes more sense to ban any pants in bad condition.

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