Universal Knowledge Is Not Found In University

, , , , , | Friendly | October 27, 2017

(I’m walking around uni with a friend of mine. We’re walking towards the library and we pass by the boardroom next door. A meeting looks to have just finished inside and the people start coming out. One of them, a large man who looks to be in his 50s or 60s, suddenly approaches my friend with a big smile.)

Man: “[Friend], how are you?! It’s good to see you.”

Friend: “I’m well, thanks. How are you?”

Man: “I’m great. Wow, it’s been ages. I didn’t realise you attended uni here.”

Friend: “Yeah, for two years now. What brings you here?”

Man: “I’m on the university board. We were just having a meeting. What are you studying?”

Friend: “I.T.”

Man: “Oh, yeah, you were always good with computers. Say, how’s your mum?”

Friend: “She’s doing well. She’s started teaching again.”

Man: “Great. And how are [Friend’s Little Brother] and [Friend’s Little Sister]? They must be getting pretty old now.”

Friend: “Yeah, [Brother] is six and [Sister] is four.”

Man: “Wow, how time flies. Anyway, I’ve got to go. It was great seeing you again. Tell your mum I said hi, won’t you?”

Friend: “Sure thing. See you around.”

(The man turns and walks away as my friend and I begin walking up the library steps. As soon as we’re out of earshot of the man…)

Friend: “I have absolutely no idea who that was.”

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Money Squawks

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2017

(It’s been a long shift, and I am the last one in the store besides my manager, who is hidden in the office preparing the night deposit. I’m processing a busy line and trying to get everyone out the door before close.)

Me: “That will be [total], ma’am. Were you able to find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, thank you.”

(She places a bill on my check counter and busies herself in her handbag. I take it and begin counting her change.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME? HOW RUDE!”

Me: “I… Pardon?”


(At this point, I see my manager poke her head out of the office to see what is going on.)

Me: “My manager is in the office, right over there, ma’am.”

(The customer storms over with her bags and change in hand and I quickly get back to the line.)

Manager: “Yes, ma’am, what is the problem?”


Manager: “Are you saying you didn’t like that he took your money?”

Customer: “YES!”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, I’m afraid I can’t discipline somebody for doing their job.”

(The customer stormed out afterwards. It turns out the next lady in line was her daughter, and she apologized to us both for her mother’s conduct!)

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Why Not? You Blame Him For Everything Else

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(After opening an account for a customer, I realize that I am missing some information. Banking regulations require us to get the account holder’s job title, or in this customer’s situation, a previous job title, as he is retired.)

Me: *on the phone* “Sir, I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m going to need your job title from before you retired.”

Customer: “Both my wife and I worked at [National Scientific Lab].”

Me: “Yes, sir, but I will also need to get your job title, as well.”

Customer: “Is this because of Obama?!”

Me: “No, sir, these are just banking regulations. I am required to get this information.”

Customer: “Why, though?!”

Me: “That’s just what is required of me. I’m sorry if it causes any inconveniences.”

Customer: “Are you sure Obama isn’t making you do this?”

Me: “Yes, sir. As far as I know, I’ve never talked to the President about banking regulations.”

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Not Thinking (About What’s) Inside The Box

, , , , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(I work in a branch of a fried chicken chain. We do several different boxed burger meals, two of which are very similar. They are almost identical, the only difference being that [Box Meal #1] comes with a piece of chicken and [Box Meal #2] comes with two hot wings. Both are very popular and are ordered very regularly. One day, as I’m wiping tables in the dining area, a woman comes in with one of our boxed meals. She is clearly angry.)

Customer: “Excuse me! You got my order wrong!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! What was wrong with it? I can fix that for you right away.”

Customer: “This happens every f****** time I come in here. There’s always something wrong. I had to walk back from home for over fifteen minutes!”

(The cursing doesn’t bother me, since around here every other word is a swear word whether the person’s angry or not.)

Me: “If you just tell me what the problem—”

Customer: “You didn’t give me my f****** chicken.”

(She shoves the box into my hands. I open it up to check. Everything that’s included in [Box Meal #1] appears to be in there.)

Me: “Was this a [Box Meal #1]?”

Customer: *crossing her arms* “Yes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see any problems with it. Everything’s in there. The burger, the chi—”

Customer: “Two. Two pieces of chicken.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I’m supposed to have two pieces of chicken.”

Me: “Oh, did you order an extra piece? I’m sorry, I—”

Customer: “No! I ordered a [Box Meal #1] and it comes with two pieces of chicken. Jesus, do you not know how to do your f****** job? Don’t they train you here? F***’s sake.”

(I now realise what she’s talking about.)

Me: “Are you sure you’re not thinking of [Box Meal #2]? That one comes with two hot wings.”

Customer: “Of course I’m f****** sure! I order this all the time! How can a [Restaurant] have staff that doesn’t even f****** know what food they serve.”

Me: “Actually, if you look at our menu board over there you’ll see that the [Box Meal #2] comes with two hot wings and [Box Meal #1] comes with just the one piece of chicken on the bone.”

(I point to our menu board as she squints at it, scrutinising every word. A look of embarrassment washes over her face as she realises her mistake. She turns back to me and smiles.)

Customer: *suddenly cheery* “Oh! I’m sorry. Thank you very much, love. Bye!”

(She turns and walks out of the restaurant as if nothing ever happened.)

Me: “What…?”

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Really Hates Green

, , , , | Romantic | October 26, 2017

(My husband and I have had some really stressful months this year and we are really at the end of our mental and emotional resources. We recently had a big fight, which mostly had to do with us both being stressed, and now we are having a relaxing day to get away from it. We are stopped at a red light, and we start to discuss a chest of drawers we want to get. When discussed before, the idea of getting a lime green one came up, but now my husband is mentioning a beige one.)

Me: “Yeah, but I really liked the idea of the green one. What do you think of the green?”

Husband: “No. NO!” *wagging his finger at me* “I said, ‘NO!’ I SAID, ‘NO!’”

(At this point I was literally thinking, “Okay, he’s completely gone crazy.” Then I realized that a windscreen washer was standing outside my window and my husband was yelling at him.)

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