Were You Born On The Third Of July?

, , , , | Right | October 29, 2017

(I’m checking out a woman who’s been acting completely normal and chatty so far. It is December.)

Customer: “Can I ask you a question? Please don’t think I’m stupid, though.”

Me: “I won’t. What’s your question?”

Customer: “When’s the fourth of July?”

Me: “Uh… July fourth.”

Customer: “No, like, is it coming up soon?”

Me: “Um, no. It’s December.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Great! Thanks!”

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The Time Of Magic

, , , , | Learning | October 29, 2017

(It is spirit week at our school and I’ve never really liked the event, so I try to avoid it as much as possible. My Spanish teacher is wearing a fairy costume. We are taking a quiz, when this happens:)

Student: “[Teacher], isn’t it almost time for the [event]?”

Teacher: “Not until 2:50.” *points at a cheap wall clock*

(The clock, almost as if on cue, falls off the wall.)

Class: *silence*

Teacher: “It’s my fairy magic, y’all!”

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How To Be A Divorcee By Five

, , , | Working | October 28, 2017

(We have just switched to my husband’s insurance. He provides our information to HR, and it’s HR that actually provides it to the insurance company. I have a monthly-renewing prescription for birth control and this is the first time trying to pick it up under the new insurance.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name] here to pick up a prescription.”

Pharmacist: *looks at computer* “Okay. Can I get you to verify the address for me?”

Me: “It’s [address].”

Pharmacist: “Um… I’ll go ahead and give it to you today, since I see you all the time, but you need to contact your insurance, ASAP. They listed your date of birth as [correct month and day], 2016.”

(I have no idea how his HR managed to list me as his spouse at less than one year old.)

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Exchange Derange

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2017

(I work at checkout in a department store. Our returns desk is at the back of the store, something I must frequently tell customers. One day I have a man come up to my counter with two red singlets and a receipt.)

Customer: “Hi, I bought this shirt the other day, but it’s the wrong size so I’d like to swap it for this one.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but all exchanges must be done at the returns desk at the back of the store.”

Customer: “Just leave it.”

(He threw both shirts at me in disgust and stormed off. I was left wondering if he knew he’d just let $15 go to waste.)

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Treating You Like A Toilet

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2017

(I am on my lunch break and I walk across the street to the grocery store to get a sandwich from their deli. My work shirt is maroon, the same color the employees of this grocery store used to wear. Now they wear green. As I’m standing there deciding what to buy, another customer approaches me.)

Other Customer: “Is that the only bathroom you have? The one up front?”

Me: “Sorry, wha—”

Customer: “—because if it is that is ridiculous! You can’t just shut down your bathroom for cleaning if you don’t have another place for your customers to go!”

Me: “I… I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

Customer: *looks at my shirt, sees the different logo and instantly changes her whole attitude* “Oh my! I am so sorry. I just saw your shirt and thought you did! My mistake!”

(She then turned around to go find someone else to yell at. As she did, several of the employees who had witnessed her yelling at me all scattered in different directions.)

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