Your Own Private Coffee

, , , , , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I am on a late shift in midtown Manhattan. My assistant manager is acting as cashier and barista while I am bussing the lobby. A rather unkempt-looking 20-something woman wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt comes in and approaches the counter.)

Customer: “I’d like a grande coffee.”

Assistant Manager: “All right, that’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Okay, hold on a minute.”

(The customer turns her back, walks a few steps away, pulls down the front of her sweatpants and underwear, and proceeds to pull something apparently OUT OF her private parts. Aghast, I glance at the assistant manager and he glances back at me, looking horrified. As the woman turns around with a couple of crumpled bills in her hand, he quickly states:)

Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept that. You can just take your coffee for free.”

(The woman gave him a strange smile, took her coffee, and left. The assistant manager rushed to disinfect the counter and the door handle she touched on the way out. Only in New York.)

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Keeping Close Quarters With Crazy

, , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I work in a gas station in a small town. We have been pretty busy this particular day. A middle-aged man walks in. There are a few other customers in the store. The man wanders around for about thirty minutes without looking like he is going to buy anything, while other customers come in and out of the store. When he is the only customer in the store, he finally walks up to me.)

Customer: “Sorry for walking around so much; I didn’t want to startle any of the other people. See this?” *pulls out quarter from his pocket* “This is my lucky quarter that I use for lottery tickets.”

Me: “Oh! You want to get some scratch-offs? Which ones would you like?”

Customer: “That’s for my quarter to decide.”

(The man then steps a few feet back, and before I can ask what he’s doing, he throws the quarter at the scratch-off display case, making me jump.)

Customer: “Perfect! I’ll take three number-12s.”

(Stunned at his choosing method, I pull out three lottery tickets of his choosing.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get you and your, erm, quarter?”

Customer: “Nope! Thanks.”

(He pays and leaves, leaving me baffled. Now I understand why he waited until there was no one else in the store!)

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Wendy Wouldn’t Have Put Up With It

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2018

(I recently dyed my hair a bright copper red. It’s pretty eye-catching, and I regularly get comments about how I work for the wrong chain because I look like the Wendy’s logo. Usually I just laugh, but this guy is something else. Note: I wear a nametag.)

Customer: “Hey, is your name Wendy?”

Me: *laughs a little* “Nope, afraid not.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yup. I’m 100% positive my name is [My Name]. Did you want your sandwich toasted?”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then, you should go work at Wendy’s!”

Me: *courtesy laughing* “I’m pretty happy here, actually. Sorry, was your sandwich toasted?”

(During this exchange, the line behind him is growing longer and longer, and the guy behind him has started tapping his feet.)

Customer: “But you can’t work here. You need to work at Wendy’s!”

Me: “Well, maybe one day. But right now, I work here. I’m sorry, sir, but I need to know if your sandwich is toasted or not.”

Customer: “But your hair is so red!”

(At this point I give up and assume he doesn’t want it toasted.)

Me: “What kind of veggies would you like?”

Customer: “Oh.” *gives list of veggies he wants* “You just look like Wendy. Oh, I wanted that toasted, though.”

(I had, by this point, put on all the vegetables. The worst part was that he came in and did more or less the same thing two more times! The fourth time he came in, I hid in the back and made my coworker deal with him. He still asked where the “Wendy’s girl” was.)

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Found The Wrongest Fragrance

, , , , , , | Right | February 5, 2018

(A female customer approaches my coworker.)

Customer: “Hi, can I please try a sample of [Popular Men’s Fragrance]”

(My coworker sprays the fragrance on a sample card for her.)

Customer: “Oh, I love this fragrance!”

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s lovely and super popular.”

Customer: “It gets me so horny.”

Coworker: “Um… Okay.”

Customer: “My dad wears it.”

Coworker: “…”

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Wait For It To Come While I Go

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 3, 2018

I work at a higher-end grocery store in New York on the maintenance crew. I am a girl, and my job on maintenance is to basically get into the women’s bathroom every so often and restock supplies and wipe down the counters. Nothing too bad.

I was in there today, waiting to replace toilet paper in an occupied stall. An older woman, at least in her 70s, came out and asked if I needed to get into the stall. I told her yes, and she said she would do it for me, but I told her I would get in when she was finished doing her business.

She walked out of the stall and told me just how much she had to take a dump, in detail, and how she kept walking around the bathroom as she “waited for it to come.” She also told me how much she hated doing this in public. She talked and rambled for around five minutes.

I had absolutely no idea how to respond, but was polite and listened as she was old, no matter how much I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

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