Early Morning Reality Check

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2017

(I work in a call center. I have just started my shift around 8:00 am, and am sleep-deprived from a party the night before. A customer calls:)

Me: “[Company] mail order, [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Are… are you real?”

(For a second that feels like a thousand years, I don’t know. I’ve never felt actual existential dread before this and am having trouble coming up with an answer.)

Me: “I… I think so?”

(It turns out my greeting was so rehearsed the poor lady thought I was a machine.)

This Will Get Weird, Promise

, , , , , | Working | October 13, 2017

(I am working 16 hours a week, which is all I really want, as I have small children and want to contribute to the household finances. I also work every other weekend. The manager calls me into the office.)

Manager: “[My Name], I’m wondering if you could do me a favour?”

Me: “What is it?”

Manager: “Well, I have someone in mind to fill [Coworker]’s position when she leaves next week, but she can’t join us for another month. Would you be interested in working full-time until she can take over?”

Me: “Of course I can, just as long as I go back to 16 hours a week afterwards.”

Manager: “Of course, you will go back to your normal hours.”

(It’s four weeks later, and I get called back into the office.)

Manager: *snapping at me* “I have [Name] starting next week, and I know that you aren’t going to honour our agreement of going back to your job.” *I actually can’t be forced to*

Me: *stunned* “Of course I will; I gave you my word.”

Manager: “Well, I don’t think you will.”

Me: “I made an agreement with you that I intend to stick to; all I want is to go back to 16 hours like you promised.”

Manager: “I stick to my word; I’m not sure about you.”

(The new staff member started, who just happened to be personal friend of the manager. The roster came out and I found I was now working just 12 hours a week and am rostered on every weekend.)

Sliding Translation

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(I am a high-schooler who works as a lifeguard over the summer. I have many stories that I could tell, but the worst starts when a woman goes down the slide on her stomach, which you aren’t allowed to do. I call her over and try to tell her this, but she keeps acting confused and talking to me in another language. I have seen her talking to a kid, so I call him over.)

Me: “Hi there. Do you speak English?”

Kid: *confused* “Yes.”

Me: “Do you know this woman?”

Kid: *still confused* “Yes. She’s my mom.”

Me: “Great! I was wondering if you could translate for me?”

Kid: *even more confused* “Okay.”

Me: “Could you please tell her that she isn’t supposed to go down the slide on her stomach, and ask her to please not do it again?”

(The kid relayed the message in their language, still looking very confused. The woman nodded, and they both went back to the pool. On a hunch, I checked later with my friend who worked at the entrance to the pool. Apparently, he and the woman had a nice little chat, in English, on her way into the pool. I hope she had a great time explaining to her son why he’d had to translate for her!)

Their Disruption Comes To A Messy Conclusion

, , , , | Learning | October 12, 2017

(My sophomore year physics teacher is very laid-back and has a great sense of humor. Today, however, the class clown has been very disruptive and is getting on his nerves.)

Teacher: “If [Clown] falls off a 50-foot cliff, when he hits the ground—”

Clown: *interrupts* “What if I bounce?”

Teacher: *flatly* “You don’t bounce. You splat.”

I Will Plant Myself Right Here

, , , , | Right | October 11, 2017

(I work at a hotel resort in the Rockies, doing the overnight shift. Since it is a slow night, I spend most of it in the back room doing my reports. At 3:00 am, I go out to roll the business date and come face to face with one of our guests, clearly under the influence, trying to walk off with one of the plants we keep at the front desk. He looks at me, alarmed, obviously not expecting me to be there, and I look at him, surprised to see someone as well. After a moment, he slowly sets the plant back down.)

Guest: *pouting* “You weren’t supposed to see me.”

(He sheepishly walked over to the elevators, and I did my best to refrain from laughing until the elevator doors closed behind him.)