The Baggage Of Benjamin Button

, , , | Working | June 7, 2017

(My husband and I run into a fabric store to pick up replacement buttons. I grab a card with four buttons and head for the checkout. Along the way he grabs a small, sample size chocolate bar.)

Cashier: “Hi! How are you?”

Me: “Great thanks. You?”

Cashier: “Can’t complain. Just those two?” *grabs for a bag*

Me: “Yes. I don’t need a bag.”

(Until this point, all has seemed normal. Now she stops moving, turns towards me, and stares.)

Cashier: “NO BAG?”

Me: “No. I can just toss the buttons in my pocket and he’s going to eat the chocolate.”

Cashier: “So no bag. At all?”

Me: “No, it’s fine.”

(The cashier now slowly scans the buttons and chocolate. She slides them across the counter towards me, giving me a very confused look.)

Cashier: “That’s $2.77. And no bag.”

Me: “Thanks.” *hands her $3*

(My husband grabs the chocolate and starts eating. I slide the buttons in my pocket. Cashier counts change back to me and hands me the receipt. She is still staring at me like I’ve offended the button gods. As we are walking out the door, I hear her talking to the next customer.)

Cashier: “They bought buttons and she wouldn’t take a bag!”

Should Have Handicapped It After A While

, , , | Right | June 5, 2017

(I work at a very well-known hardware store. I am checking out two ladies and am in the middle of the transaction when a woman behind them starts trying to get my attention.)

Customer: “Ma’am! Ma’am!”

(I’m not ignoring her, but trying to multitask and finish the transaction. I look up at her.)

Customer: “Ma’am! You have to help her! At the key machine! It ate her key! She’s handicapped!”

(I look up at the key machine in question.)

Me: “The machine has to take the key to make a copy… I can’t leave my register right now.”

Customer: *genuinely concerned* “You have to help her! She’s handicapped!”

Me: “I can’t do anything right now.” *points to transaction taking place* “But I can try to call someone.” *I call the head cashier, who says she’ll be right over*

Customer: “Don’t you hear the noise it’s making? It’s broken! You have to help her. She’s handicapped!”

(At this point I have noticed that the customer at the key machine is in a motorized cart and I hear the machine’s odd noise. I finish the transaction and see that another associate is now helping her and that she is very calm.)

Customer: *who I am now checking out* “She’s handicapped!”

Acting Like A Child

, , , , | Right | June 3, 2017

Me: “Sir, you can’t take drinks into the child’s play area.”

Patron: “Why not?! My table is just through there.”

Me: “Because it is a children’s play area.”

(The man then downed the entire cocktail pitcher and staggered through the play area before I could say another word.)

Wifi Wifey

, , , , | Right | June 3, 2017

(Upon check-in a guest is expressing that he is going to need a special type of room.)

Guest: “Do you have WiFi?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we do!”

Guest: “Is it in all of the rooms?”

Me: “Yes, sir, if you need to use it in the lobby or in the comforts of your room.”

Guest: “Well I need a room with the least amount of radioactive waves from the WiFi.”

Me: *drawing a blank*

Guest: “My wife is allergic to the WiFi signals so we need a room with the most complaints of dropped signals or poor connection. That’s the room with the least radioactive waves.”

They Sea A Future For Themselves

, , , , | Learning | June 3, 2017

(In my history class we have just finished reviewing the hunt and assassination of Osama Bin Laden. The class discussion went sort of like this.)

Classmate: “But why did they bury him at sea though?”

Teacher: “They usually do that so people don’t find the remains and build memorials to them and whatnot.”

Me: “My goal in life is to be so famous that the U.S. government buries me at sea when I die.”

Teacher: “When I said famous, I kinda meant infamous. Like, only the most horrible and cruellest people have had to have their remains be made untraceable.”

Me: “Whatever it takes.”

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