You Didn’t Remember The Last Conversation Because You Didn’t Want To

, , , , | Right | August 3, 2020

I work at a well-known convenience store and deli, where I work exclusively in the deli. I am a twenty-year-old female. An older woman comes up to me after placing her order on the touch screen. 

Woman: “All men are terrible.”

I stare at her, a little confused, and since I don’t feel like arguing, I just nod along.

Woman: “I mean, aren’t they just awful? You can’t trust a single one of them.”

I am confused and uncomfortable, glancing toward my male manager.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, did something happen?”

Woman: *Laughing* “No, don’t you remember our conversation from a couple of weeks ago? I was wearing a hat that day so you might not recognize me.”

Me: *Still confused* “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t remember—”

Woman: *Cutting me off* “We were right over there; you were ringing me out at the register!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you must have me confused with someone else. I never work the register.”

Woman: “No, I know it was you! You were ringing me out at the register! I remember your eyes!”

I am now extremely confused and uncomfortable.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I really think you must be remembering somebody else…”

Woman: “No, I know it was you! Have you started online yet?”

Me: “Online?”

Woman: “Online dating! Have you started dating online yet?”

Me: “Umm, no, ma’am.”

Woman: “Good! You have to be careful with that, you know. You never know if you’re really talking to who you think you’re talking to.”

Me: “Yes, I know that. Here is your order. Did you need anything else?”

Woman: “No, just remember that all men are terrible!”

She walked out happily.

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The Gift Of Paranoia

, , , , , | Right | August 3, 2020

I’m working at a bank, and my main job is to sit down with customers in an office for basically anything that you might come to a bank for that’s more complex than basic transactions.

One of my regulars is a gentleman who is very nice but also very paranoid. He refuses to allow mail, even though he already uses a post office box, because “people keep getting into his box.”

To get around mandatory disclosure requirements, he sets up all statements to be online… but he never sets up an online account or checks his emails because he doesn’t trust them, either. Some disclosures are important enough that when they are not opened online, they will automatically be mailed — in particular, the mandatory disclosure of when a share certificate is coming due. And he has a lot of share certificates.

Whenever he receives one of these notices, he comes in and opens a new account and closes the old one due to his fear that the mail that came from the bank was pulled out of his post office box, read, and then put back exactly how it was, included resealing the envelope, to try to fool him. He also will close out certificates early, paying the early close penalty, only to open a new one right away, just to avoid those renewal notices going out.  

I work with him a lot, opening up new accounts and share certificates. Part of his paranoia is that people are trying to steal from him, sometimes with very convoluted reasoning, so you’d better believe that I am even more careful than I always am about making certain everything is done perfectly, with absolutely nothing that could hint at a break of privacy. I also never skip out on requesting the multiple passwords on his account or checking the two IDs — his account request, not our policy.

So he trusts me. And he decides that he will show this trust… by trying to give me money.

At first, he just straight-up offers cash — $20 or $50 bills — as tips. I explain that I work for a bank. I cannot take tips or financial gifts.  

Then, he starts hiding the cash in my office. He’s not very good and I always check my office for private materials left before taking the next customer, so I just take the cash to the teller line and have it deposited into his account. I have no way to call him, either, by the way; he doesn’t trust phones.

I have my manager talk to him about this. It turns out he’s picked up this habit with the other employees that he trusts to help him also. After the manager talks to him about it, he switches to gift cards.  

Those are still refused. Keep in mind, these are not $5 cards; they are $50 or $100. I make a folder for him in the lock files just to be able to hold any cards that get left behind so we can return them the next time he comes in.

I get smart. I let him know that if he leaves any gift cards behind, I will have to mail them back to him.

The attempted gifts immediately stop.

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Rage Against The Machine, Part 8

, , , , | Right | August 1, 2020

In our restaurant, we have a sign where you walk in that says, “Please take a number.” It’s fairly large; everyone usually sees it.

Customer: “When can I order?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you have to take a number first.”

I point to the machine.

Customer: “But I’ve been standing here for ten minutes! Why can’t you just take my order?!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, you have to take a number. It’s the store rules.”

Customer: “RUDE B****!”

She then pulled the plastic machine off the pole that held it and tossed it at me, but it became lodged in the rectangular hole in the glass. Unsatisfied, she came and proceeded to grab a number, only to pull and pull until most of the roll of numbers was out. Then, she kept pulling out of the store and drove off STILL holding the numbers.

Related:
Rage Against The Machine, Part 7
Rage Against The Machine, Part 6
Rage Against The Machine, Part 5
Rage Against The Machine, Part 4
Rage Against The Machine, Part 3

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This Story Got Twisted

, , , | Right | July 31, 2020

I have a coworker whose hair is naturally very curly. She hates it, so she straightens it before work every day. One day, she is running late to work so doesn’t have time to straighten it. A regular customer walks in.

Regular: “Hi. Nice perm. Where did you get it done?”

Coworker: “It’s not a perm; it’s my natural hair.”

Regular: “Don’t be silly; you have straight hair. Where do you get it done? I promise not to tell anyone else if you want to keep it a secret.”

Coworker: “No, normally, I straighten it before work.”

Regular: “That’s absurd. Nobody has hair that naturally curly! Stop lying to me!”

She storms off.

Coworker: “…”

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Literally Choosing His Poison

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2020

I deliver chemical supplies. An old man glances into my van as I’m unloading on the street.

Old Man: “You’ve got poison in there.”

Me: “Some of our products are, yes.”

Old Man: “Can you give me some? I’ve got some people who I want to put it in their food.”

Me: “Give me your name and I’ll make sure no one takes an order from you.”

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