Still Not Masking Their Attitude

, , , | Right | October 15, 2018

(It’s been a fairly normal weekend afternoon when a man walks in with a paper package and wet rag under his arm, and a utility mask around his neck. Shortly afterwards, he puts the utility mask onto his face and continues walking around. A few minutes later, he approaches my coworker at the register and places the wet rag and paper package, which is also wet on the bottom, onto the counter.)

Customer: *mumbles something*

Coworker: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

Customer: *mumbles again*

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t understand you with the mask on; could you take it off for a moment?”

Customer: *sighs heavily and picks up the package and rag, then walks away*

Coworker: *looking to me* “What in the world just happened?”

They’re An Idiot, No Matter How You Slice It

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(I work at a bakery that sells primarily fresh bread. I am opening and setting up bread when the first customer of the day walks in. Being the only sales worker there at the time, I drop what I am doing to serve the customer. Keep in mind this woman’s first language is English.)

Customer: “Do you have that one but like… as a bag of slices?”

Me: “Oh, we slice the bread here; that’s no problem.”

Customer: “Okay, but… I need like… a bag of slices.”

Me: “Um, yeah, I can just slice it for you.”

Customer: “But do you have it in a bag of slices?”

Me: “I can put that loaf in a machine that will slice it… and then put it in a bag.”

Customer: “I just want a bag of slices.”

Me: “Here. Let me show you.”

(I take the loaf, slice it for her, and present the sliced loaf in a plastic bag.)

Customer: “That’s exactly what I wanted!”

Unsettling Customers Go Skin-Deep

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(I am working customer service at a local grocery store. We are known for our good customer service. It is getting close to closing when a mother and her teenage daughter walk in and grab a large cart. I inwardly groan because I cannot close my counter until the last customer leaves. The mother takes her time strolling through the aisles, looking wistfully around. Finally, they come to the counter to pay with only a few items. By now, it is thirty minutes past our closing time. As soon as I see them walk out the door, I close my register and stash my refund slips for the day. I am about to walk out from behind the counter when I look up and see the mother standing there, just staring at me.)

Me: *trying not to show she scared me* “Oh! Sorry, ma’am. Was there something I could help you with?”

(I am internally groaning because I have already closed my register and there is no way for me to do any more refunds.)

Customer: “Oh, yes. I told her I wouldn’t, but she just wanted me to come back in here and ask. You have such lovely skin!”

(She just stares at me.)

Me: “Well, thank you; that’s very nice of you.”

Customer: “My daughter wants to have your skin. I told her I wouldn’t ask, but she sent me back in.”

(I am getting really bugged out now, but keep trying to smile.)

Customer: “What skin cleanser do you use?”

Me: *giant sigh of relief now that I know she doesn’t want a refund, and she doesn’t want to rip off my skin* “Oh! I really couldn’t tell you. I wash my face with whatever is in the shower at the time. Sorry I couldn’t be more help.”

Customer: “I figured it was just good genetics, but really, I must tell my daughter something.”

(She looks at me expectantly. Just wanting to get her out of here, I say some brand name I remember from a commercial.)

Me: “That’s what I use. Nothing too fancy.”

Customer: “Hmm. I suppose… I guess I’ll tell her that. Good night, then.”

(She finally left for good, leaving me scared to walk out to my car in the dark.)

Bra-ce Yourself For A Weird Conversation

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2018

(I work hiring out animals for children to ride. On slow days I spend a lot of time reading, often sitting on said animals, as I don’t have another chair. An older woman approaches me while I am reading.)

Customer: *in a slightly accented voice* “What a good idea!”

Me: “Yeah, the kids love it.”

Customer: “Smart idea, good thinking.” *says something I don’t understand*

Me: *smiles and curses my poor hearing* “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “I can’t get a good bra.” *gestures at nearby clothes store*

Me: *smile now frozen* “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “I can’t reach behind me because my hand is broken, and they never have ones that button in front.”

Me: *too dumbfounded to figure out way to end this* “That’s too bad.”

Customer: “I can make them do up in front — sew them back together and put buttons in — but they’re never in white. Always with spots. Can’t have spots, not on stage.”

Me: *cursing my life and politeness* “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “Wish they would employ me here.” *gestures at my desk* “Back home they do not; they say, ‘You belong on stage, not working.’ Wonder what would happen if I got on the table and started singing?”

Me: *thinking* “Nothing great.”

Customer: “But I can never find a good bra. No good ones here.”

You Go In, Out, In, Out, And Shake It All About

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(It’s my day off, but I go to the shop where I normally work with my dad to pick up a few bits. He’s looking for coffee of a specific brand and can’t find any on the shelves. I know we sell it, so I go to check the “Manager’s Specials” near the front of the store. Sure enough, the coffee is there. I take it back to my dad, who’s waiting in another aisle, when a woman stops me)

Customer: “Ooh, I’ve been looking for that coffee everywhere! Where is it?”

Me: “It’s in the Manager’s Specials at the front of the store.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “It’s just the other side of the Pick’n’Mix.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Just as you come through the doors, it’s on your right.”

Customer: “So, I go out of the store, come back in, and turn right? Thank you!

(Before I could say another word, the woman bustled off. I went to my dad and we queued up. Sure enough, the woman went out of the store, came back in, and looked to the right where the Manager’s Specials were. I’ve never known someone to take directions that literally!)

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