This Encounter Will Always Be In YOUR Permanent Record

, , , , , , | Learning | March 18, 2018

(I work at a middle school office, and parents need to bring in a doctor’s note if their student missed school because of an appointment. One day, a mother walks in with a note.)

Mother: “I’d like to clear my child’s absence. He had a dentist’s appointment.” *makes no move to hand me a note*

Me: “Sure thing! However, to verify your child was at the dentist, we need a—”

Mother: *interrupting* “That’s fine! I know the date! It was January 8th, 2015!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but… Wait. Did you just say, ‘2015’?”

Mother: “YES! What, are you deaf or something?”

Me: “That was four years ago. There’s only three grades in middle school. Your kid doesn’t even attend this school anymore, ma’am.”


Me: “Ma’am, even if your child still attended this school, I could not excuse it, because it’s long after the gradebook closed for the year. You don’t need to worry about his permanent record; that’s only for—”

Mother: “AGH! FORGET IT! YOU’RE JUST BEING UNREASONABLE!” *storms out of the office*

Life Is Stranger Than Fiction-Writers

, , , , | Friendly | March 16, 2018

(I’m at a retreat, in the cafeteria, eating lunch at a table with a dozen people I’ve only met today. Eventually, our conversation comes around to me, and they ask me where I’m from and what I do for a living. I explain I’m in college, majoring in creative writing with a fiction concentration, and that I’m from [City #1] but living in [City #2] for school. A few people at the table want to know what living in either place is like, so a lot of their questions revolve around that. When it’s time to go to our afternoon lecture, our group breaks up. I’m on the way out the door when I pass someone who was at my table.)

Group Member: “Where are you from, exactly?”

Me: *surprised to be asked, especially after talking to him about it for at least five minutes* “[City #1], although I’m living in [City #2] for school.”

Group Member: “Wait… You weren’t just saying that? I thought you made that up.”

Me: “What? No. Why would you think that?”

Group Member: “Well, you’re a fiction writer.”

Me: “…”

What Happens When You’re Spoon-Fed Religion

, , , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(I work at a canteen inside an office building. I have served a woman who has gone to pick up the cutlery for her meal. She returns with a fork in hand.)

Woman: “This is a fork. I want a spoon.”

Me: “Spoons are right next to the forks.” *points at the table she was just stood at*

Woman: “But I want this to be a spoon.” *grabs my arm tightly* “Let’s pray.”

(She closes her eyes and starts muttering. I think it’s Hebrew, but as I have never been religious, I’m not 100% certain. She opens her eyes and glares at the fork in defeat before shouting at me:)

Woman: “YOU DIDN’T PRAY HARD ENOUGH!” *throws fork at me and leaves*

Weapons Of Mass Communication

, , , , , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(I work at a popular toy store in my town, and the new collection of Star Wars toys just came out. The store is very busy today and we have run out of stock for a few items. Due to their pretty high price, we didn’t expect them to sell as quickly. Most people who want them are understanding, but there’s one customer who has become a regular, and a very unpopular one, at that. She always targets the new employees, it seems, never attacking the same employee twice. Sadly, I end up on that shift.)

Customer: “Do you have any more of the [out of stock toy]?”

Me: “I’m sorry. We ran out about an hour ago. We have another store in [City about four minutes away], or we will be getting a new shipment in tonight and you could pick it up tomorrow.”

Customer: “How dare you refuse me service?! It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I would not discriminate. The item is out of stock at this store. Again, you can—”

Customer: “You racist b****! How dare you?! I am going to get you fired!”

Me: “I do not see how I am—”

Customer: “Don’t you back talk me! Respect your elders, you racist b****!”

(I’m in a bit of a panic, not really sure what I am supposed to do or say. I reach for my walkie-talkie. I quickly realize that was a bad idea.)

Customer: “DON’T YOU DARE!” *the customer suddenly lunges at me* “DON’T YOU DARE ASSAULT ME WITH YOUR WEAPONS!”

(Luckily, an off duty cop was there to pick up a toy for his son. He pulled the woman off of me and arrested her right there. I was actually the first person attacked by her. I found out later she usually just screamed at the employee to the point of tears. Everyone still jokes about how I was taken down over a child’s toy, and how I ended up with a sprained wrist.)

There Snow Problem Like Snow Problems

, , , , , | Related | March 15, 2018

(My mother is very easily agitated and complains at length about mundane things. This conversation occurs a few days after we have had a major snowstorm. No one was injured, but my mother has been ranting for a half an hour — no exaggeration — about how the grocery store was crowded before the storm, and about how she and her neighbors had to shovel the snow afterward. I had the same experience — crowded store and a lot of shoveling — but I took it in stride. She finally breaks her tirade to ask me:)

Mom: “So, how about you? How are you doing?”

Me: “I’m doing fine.”


(I was tempted to ask her to name one person who passed out in the snow, but she had already gone back to complaining.)

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