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Don’t Cry Over Cursed Milk

, , , | Right | May 11, 2026

A customer walks up to the customer service desk with a gallon of milk.

Customer: “I need to return this milk.”

Me: “That’s [Competitor’s Brand] milk. This is [My Store].”

Customer: “But I need to return it.”

Me: “You didn’t buy it here, so I can’t return it for you. You need to go to [Competitor].”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. It’s… cursed.”

She places the milk on the ground, in the middle of the entrance to an aisle, backs away slowly, and then turns to the exit and dashes out.

Bizarre, but it’s retail, so whatever. I go to pick up the milk, stop, go to the cleaning cupboard, get some gloves, and then take the milk out to the back to dispose of it.

I was disappointed when it didn’t scream as I poured it down the sink.

Take A Chill Spill

, , , | Right | May 8, 2026

Customer: “I’d like a large strawberry milkshake, please.”

Me: “Sure, that-s—”

Customer: “—But in a medium cup.”

Me: “In… a medium? Ma’am, the large milkshake is 32oz. The medium cup is designed to hold 22oz. It won’t fit.”

The customer considers this for a moment before saying:

Customer: “I’d like a large strawberry milkshake, but in a medium cup.”

Me: “Did you mean a medium milkshake in a large cup?”

Customer: “No! I’d like a large strawberry milkshake, but in a medium cup.”

Me: “I can’t do that, ma’am. The milkshake will spill over the sides.”

Customer: “Why are you making me repeat myself? I’d like a large strawberry milkshake, but in a medium cup!”

I call my manager over, as I don’t know how else to explain it. My manager takes out a medium and a large cup.

Manager: “Ma’am, you want this much milkshake…” *Holds up the large cup.* “…but inside this cup?” *Holds up the medium cup.*

Customer: “Yes.”

My manager then walks over to the milkshake dispenser and pours a large into a medium. It’s clear that this isn’t going to work, as a third of it spills dramatically over the sides. He carries the dripping mess over to the customer.

Manager: “There you go, ma’am, a large milkshake in a medium cup.”

He charged the customer for the large item and stood there expectantly. The customer, through this visual example, suddenly seems to get what they’ve been asking for, but being too embarrassed to admit it, they tap their card to pay, pick up the wet cup, and walk away with an almost-whispered:

Customer: “Thank you.”

To Show How Small The Fry Is, I Will Add A Banana For Scale

, , | Right | May 8, 2026

I work at a high-turnaround fast food place, and someone stopped me in the middle of the rush to say:

Customer: “Hey, can you please pick up that French fry? Someone might trip on it?!”

Me: “Uh, sure thing!”

I oblige, but it was half a single French fry.

Coworker: *Seeing me trash the offending half of a French fry.* “Who the f*** trips on a French fry?!”

Me: “If that’s a trip hazard, then a banana peel might actively block their path.”

A Scanner Bark-ly

, , , | Right | May 8, 2026

We stopped on the way home from work today to buy wet food for our cats. It should have been a quick in and out. It was not, thanks to… Her. 

We get in line. There is one person at the register and another couple ahead of us, with a very happy German Shepherd. We wait. The line does not move. We wait some more. The couple points out some Lamb Chop stuffies to each other. We continue to wait. The manager comes up and calls up the next person in line. We step up as they move over. It looks like the woman at the register is almost done, as she only has three things.

She is not.

Customer: “But why can’t you just take it out to my car?”

She only has two small rolls of litter box liners and a ten-pound bag of dry food. I suspect that is not what she meant by “it”. I am right.

Cashier: “Did you call ahead to order?”

Customer: “Oh… no… do I have to?”

Cashier: “No, but it just makes things easier. So we can do that, but I have to get someone to take it out for you.”

Customer: “But why can’t you take it out?”

Cashier: “Well, I—someone has to go and get it and bring it up here, and then I can’t leave this.”

Customer: “But you can take it out to my car.”

Cashier: “Yes, we can do that, but someone else has to bring it up here.”

Customer: “Can you go and get it and take it out to my car?”

Cashier: “No, I… I have to get someone from the back.”

Customer: “Can’t you just use your little earpiece thing and call them?”

Cashier: “Yes, I can, but they still have to bring it up here.”

Customer: “And then take it out to my car.”

Cashier: “Well, we have to scan it first, but—”

Customer: “—It’s this. Right here.”

She pulls out her phone at this point and shows the cashier a picture of a bright yellow box of kitty litter. Meanwhile the manager has finished up with the customer that was ahead of us and called for the next customers in line, and someone two people back from us has decided that means “the fastest person to get over there”, which the people now behind us are grumbling about. 

We, however, are trapped, because they’ve essentially barricaded us at the conveyor belt. I am morbidly fascinated by this conversation.

Cashier: “Yes, I’ll get someone to—”

Customer: “—They can take them out to my car.”

Cashier: “We have to scan it first.”

Customer: “But I just showed it to you.”

Cashier: “Yes, but I need to scan it. You still have to pay for it.” 

Customer: “Why can’t you just type in $29.99 and—”

Cashier: “Becau—no, my computer needs to scan it in order to get the right price and—” 

Customer: “—But I just showed it to you.”

Cashier: “I still have to scan it, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, can you do that?” 

Cashier: “I will, ma’am, but someone still has to bring it up.”

Customer: “And they’re going to, right?” 

Cashier: “Yes, I’ll get someone, so you can either wait here or step aside until they bring it up—”

Customer: “—You can’t just go scan it?”

Cashier: “No, someone will bring it up in a cart, and I’ll scan it, and then they’ll take it to your car for you that way.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, I’ll step over here.”

Thankfully, she does that, and the cashier quietly gets on her radio.

Cashier: “I need someone to bring up four boxes of cat litter for a customer… No, she didn’t, she’s up here and she wants them taken out to her car…”

Customer: *Loudly from where she has stepped aside.* “Are these things rung up?” 

Cashier: *Barely holding onto her ‘Customer Service’ voice.* “Yes, ma’am, but I’ve suspended the transaction while we wait for the—”

Customer: “—So I can take them?”

Cashier: “You still have to pay for them, ma’am.” *Turns to my mom with an extremely forced smile.* “Do you have a [store] rewards number?”

The customer drifts off as Mom punches in the phone number. I watch her out of the corner of my eye, then turn back to the cashier.

Me: “This is why I don’t work retail anymore. I’m so sorry. Some people…”

This Is The Same Person Who Orders The Cheeseburger Without The Cheese

, , , | Right | May 7, 2026

Customer: “Hmmm, I want the chicken Caesar salad, but I don’t want the chicken.”

Me: “We also have Caesar salad.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s, uh… chicken Caesar salad without the chicken.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! I’ll have that! Thank you for taking the chicken out for me!”