Her Death Threats Are Going Down The Toilet

, , , , | Right | April 22, 2019

(I’m working the third shift at a gas station. You have to have a key to unlock our bathroom. Someone either stole the key or misplaced it yesterday, as it is nowhere to be found, and I’m informed of this when I clock in. My coworker, whose husband owns the restaurant attached to our station, gives me the key to the back door to use if I want to lock up and use the restroom at any point. I don’t use public bathrooms unless it’s a necessity, though, so it won’t really be necessary. So far, everyone I’ve explained the missing key to has been okay with it and made no complaints or arguments, until this fine young woman walks in close to the end of my shift.)

Customer: “Can I get the key to your bathroom?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I haven’t been able to find it all night; someone either lost or misplaced it.”

Customer: “I just used it the other day. Why are you lying?”

(I’m kind of taken aback at this, as no one has been hostile about it.)

Me: “Yes. Apparently, it was lost some time today, and I don’t have a key until the manager comes in at six.”

Customer: “I’m calling corporate right now on your a**! I know you are lying, you racist [flurry of actual racist words and cursing]! They’ll know if your bathroom is actually locked and where your key is, and they’ll tell me!”

Me: *in overly-nice customer service tone* “Sure, you are welcome to do that, ma’am.”

Customer: “You are just plotting against me because I’m black and you don’t want me to use your white-privilege toilets! How do you use the bathrooms if you are here all night?!”

Me: “I don’t use public restrooms unless it’s an emergency, ma’am.”

Customer: “YOU ARE A LIAR! WHY ARE YOU LYING?! EVERYONE USES PUBLIC RESTROOMS, AND YOU CAN’T WORK HERE ALL NIGHT AND NOT USE THE BATHROOM!”

(She stood there for a good twenty minutes, tapping away on her phone, never making a call, and then she stormed around the store continuing to shout that she was calling corporate. She finally came up to the register to pay for her one item, still screaming at me that I was plotting against her, and on her way out she threw her trash on the floor, knocked over the trash can, and threatened to kill me. I informed my manager about it in the morning, who told me to just call the police if she tried to come in again. She also phoned the woman’s workplace and informed her boss of what had happened. She worked across the street — where they have a bathroom, by the way — and my boss is friends with her boss, it turns out. I knew her name and job because she had her uniform and name tag both on. You probably shouldn’t be making death threats while wearing those. I’m still not sure exactly why she thought corporate would know about one of the bathrooms, either, in the thousands of stores they own worldwide, or what they would do about it.)

What A Crock

, , , | Right | April 21, 2019

(My family and I are on holiday visiting a craft village. We are currently in a kitchenware shop and I’m standing next to a “Le Creuset” crockery display distinguishable by its bright orange colour. I have a pram with a child inside and I’m holding my other child. I’m wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you know how much this set is?”

Me: “Erm, no, sorry. I don’t have a clue.”

Customer: “Do you not work here?”

Me: “No!”

Customer: “Oh, right, it’s just because your t-shirt is the same colour as the crockery.”

(This happened about five years ago and has confused me ever since.)

This Driver Is Driving People Crazy

, , , , , | Learning | April 21, 2019

(I’m a teacher. The music teacher and I are unloading a bus in the morning when a grown woman gets off. This is not unusual; sometimes parents ride with their children when they’ve had behavioral issues on the bus. The woman goes to the edge of the parking lot and starts talking on a cell phone.)

Music Teacher: “Notice anything strange about that woman?”

Me: “No, what?”

Music Teacher: “She’s not on a cell phone.”

(I look again. She’s not on the phone. She’s just… talking. By this time, the kids are all in the building.)

Music Teacher: “I’m getting the principal.”

(The woman approached me and began talking. It became immediately obvious that she was not all there. She wandered off and the police were called. As it turns out, she was a mentally disturbed woman who had just randomly climbed on the bus that morning. The bus driver was a substitute and didn’t ask the woman her business. When the woman began ranting to the busload of children, the substitute driver didn’t radio for help or advice, but just went along on her route. When the woman got off at the end of the line, the driver didn’t inform anyone what had been going on. The driver no longer works for the district.)

We Just HAVE To Know Who The Idiot Was

, , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I’m doing my weekly shopping when a woman I have never seen before blocks my way out of the aisle. She’s got hold of one of the managers.)

Woman: *pointing at me* “There! Hire him!”

Manager: “I’m sorry? I thought you said someone was injured.”

Woman: “HIRE HIM!”

(He looks at me. We’re both very confused.)

Manager: “Ugh, you’re hired?”

Woman: “Now, fire him!”

Manager: “…”

(She glares at him so much it looks like she might burst a blood vessel.)

Manager: “You’re fired.”

Woman: “HA! I told you I would do something!”

Me: “Do we know each other?”

(She looks dumbstruck and starts digging around in her handbag. She produces a pair of glasses and puts them on.)

Woman: “D***. Wrong idiot. Come on—“

(She reached for the manager, but he’d disappeared out of view. She gave chase. The last I saw of her was when I was paying. She was still chasing the manager, only now there were two security guards and a police officer chasing her, too.)

A Cents-ible Decision

, , , , , | Right | April 18, 2019

(While waiting to pay for an energy drink, I am amazed by a drive-thru customer handing her cell phone to the cashier.)

Me: *incredulously* “She gave you her phone?”

Clerk: *rolling her eyes* “Yep. She has a fifty-cent coupon on there.”

Me: “So, for fifty cents off, she lets a stranger have control of a device with her personal info on it?!”

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