It’s Not A Party If There’s No Banjo

, , , , | Friendly | August 12, 2017

Me: “Guess what I did last night!”

Coworker: “Partaaaay?”

Me: “What? Me? On a Friday night? Partying?”

Coworker: “No partaaay?”

Me: “No, I learned how to play the banjo.”

That’s Still More Than Trump Gives Back

, , , , | Right | August 11, 2017

(I work at a popular restaurant in Las Vegas. We get a diverse group of people from different cultural and political backgrounds. This particular day is like any other, until this exchange occurs:)

Customer: *wearing a ‘Make America Great Again’ hat* “I’m only going to give you a 10% tip because you didn’t do a great job.”

Me: “I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?”

Customer: “Oh, no, no, not at all. You were fine; you just weren’t great. Have a nice day!”

Me: “All right, we’ll see you next time.” *quietly, to myself* “Next time I’ll make table-side service great again…”

Caught Him On Tape

, , , , , , , | Learning | August 11, 2017

In my CAD class, we are doing our final. It is a very difficult final and takes a long time to do. Our teacher is an older man who enjoys messing with the student; joking, name calling, etc.

It is always in good humor, and everyone loves his class.

As in every class, we have that one student who is annoying and immature.

One day our teacher decides to “deliver” this student to another teacher, whom he knows well. So he goes to the closet, and comes back with a full roll of AUTOMOTIVE TAPE. Our room is attached to the Autotech garage, so I all the supplies are fairly close by.

He then proceeded to tape this student TO THE CHAIR, a rolling office chair, and once he was taped in, rolled him down the hallway to the other teacher’s room, put him inside, shut the door, and just left.

Answering The Call Of Duty

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(I’m working the graveyard shift at our dispatch center, answering 911 calls from the public. Usually this is the time when we receive our most interesting callers.)

Caller: “I’d like to speak the head honcho, you know? Who is ever in charge of the… uh… department or police or whatever?”

Me: *thinking he wants to speak to a supervisor to make a complaint* “What is this in regards to?”

Caller: “About a job. How to get one with the police.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Caller: “I’m asking about how to get a job there.”

Me: “You’re asking about getting a job… on an emergency line?”

Caller: “Yes, I think I’m really good at what I’m doing now. I could help out, work as… uh… what’s it called… for an undercover cop. That’s what I mean. I could work as an undercover cop. How can I get a job doing that?”

(Just to make sure he’s not doing anything that could endanger himself or the public, I decide to continue and ask questions.)

Me: “And what is it that you’re exactly doing right now?”

Caller: “I’ve been noticing a lot of crime and drug sales in the area. At my home and at [Major Intersection on East side of town.] I play a lot of Call of Duty and I know what I’m doing. I’m just watching all the activity around me. I think I could be a real help. I just have this one little thing in court that I need to take care of, but other than that, I don’t have anything else. I’m clean.”

(At this point, I’m too flabbergasted to be my usual stern self when someone abuses the 911 system. I remain patiently polite, already imagining telling this story later.)

Me: “Okay… well… you will need to go to the town’s website and look for any job openings for the police department. I think they’re hiring officers now, so go take a look. Just don’t call 911 asking for a job here. And if you do see anything drug deals or anything like that going on, don’t confront the people, just give us a call and let us know.”

Caller: “Yeah, yeah, of course. I won’t confront them. I’m just watching. So, just go to the town’s website?”

Me: “Yes. You can fill out an application there.”

Caller: “Thank you so much! I really think I could be a big help.” *click*

Dispatcher: *next to me* “Did someone really just call 911 for a job? Were they serious?”

Me: “I… don’t… know.”

Mining That Game For All Its Worth

, , , , | General | August 9, 2017

(I am currently working in the children’s section of a large clothing store. A woman and her young son come up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me; where are your Minecraft belts?”

(We sell a lot of Minecraft clothes for kids, but most of them are shirts and jackets. I’ve never seen a Minecraft-themed belt in any other store, let alone ours.)

Me: “Pardon me — a Minecraft BELT, you said?”

Customer: “Yes. We saw them in here just a few days ago!”

(I’m sceptical of this claim, but I decide to try to do my best with her.)

Me: “I don’t believe I’ve seen any belts like that down here recently; if we had any, they’d be over in our boy’s belt section. I can take you over there to check, if you’d like.”

Customer: “Yes. I KNOW we saw them!”

(I lead the woman over to where we keep the belts for boys. Immediately I can see that we have nothing Minecraft-themed over here.)

Customer: “Ah, see! THERE they are.”

(She immediately grabs an ordinary belt that has a camouflage pattern on it, which just so happens to use square patterns; what’s known as a “digital camouflage.”)

Customer: “See? I knew you had them!”

(I was speechless… Apparently, anything square-shaped or pixelated is “Minecraft” these days!)

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