We had a sweet elderly lady who came in and always looked for marked-down food and bought the cheapest brands we had. She took the bad-looking bananas and asked that we give her a discount. When I had filled a cart full of bread marked down 50%, she thanked me like I had done her a personal favour and bought almost the entire cart. One time, we were discussing apples.

Me: “This is my favorite kind.”

Lady: “Wonderful! I’ll take one!” *Proudly* “My husband and I will feast on this!”

She was a millionaire.

I work in a natural history museum. An elderly woman (maskless) is berating a coworker, so I get closer to see why.

Old Lady: “Why do you sell bugs in candy?”

Coworker: “We have a vending machine that has scorpion pops, chocolate crickets, and other candied insects because they’re good for the environment and tasty.”

Old Lady: “But don’t you know that the Jews are making people eat bugs to turn the world flat?”

Me: “…”

I upgraded my bank account, which meant I needed a new debit card. I waited a few days for it to arrive, and once I opened it, I stared at it for a few seconds in shock.

The three-digit code on the back of the card was 000.

I thought they had somehow given me a fake card, but it worked when I made a purchase at a store, so I figured I would keep it for a bit.

A few weeks later, I was getting ready to move when I saw a set of pots and pans I wanted to purchase on a major retailer’s website. I added it to my cart and put in my information. Then, I received an error message: “Please enter a valid CVV.”

It turns out their system was not recognizing 000 as a valid code, so I decided to call customer service and place the order over the phone. I reached a representative and she found the set I wanted. Then, I gave her my information.

Representative: “What is the CVV?”

Me: “000.”

I heard her typing, and then she paused for a minute.

Representative: “I’m sorry, but that is not a valid code. Please tell me the three digits on the back of the card.” 

Me: “I did. It’s 000.”

Representative: “I’m sorry, but that is impossible. Please read the numbers carefully.”

Me: “I am. It’s 000. I’ve used this card in stores before, so I know it works.”

Representative: “I don’t know what to tell you. It is showing in my system that this is not a valid number. You can try going to the store, but it probably won’t work there, either.”

I finished my call with the representative and went to their store. The card worked. 

Unfortunately, I lost my wallet a couple of months later, so I had to get a new card, and it has a real CVV number now. It’s probably for the best. That card would’ve gotten hacked eventually, anyway.

I’m working the drive-thru, waiting on an unusual sight for the fall: an older-looking man in a convertible with no shirt on. In the time it takes to get his food ready, two more cars pull up and place their orders.

Me: “And here’s your food. You have a good day now.”

He takes his bag and then stares at me, wide-eyed.

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Is there an issue, sir?”

Customer: “I like it when people are behind me in the drive-thru.”

Related:
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 14
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 13
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 12
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 11
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 10

I am an assistant manager at our store. I’ve just started for the day when I hear a disturbing noise and take off toward it. I come around the corner to see a typical surfer dude in board shorts and a tie-dye T-shirt next to a middle-aged woman. The surfer dude is laughing maniacally and yelling at the top of his lungs.

Surfer: “Honk! Dee daa dee daa! Hooooooooooooonk!“

Woman: *Equally loud* “You will respect me! Get me your manager! I will have you fired!“

Me: “Both of you, please, stop. You’re disturbing other customers and scaring people!”

Surfer: “Sorry, man, I told her, like, um, a dozen times I don’t work here, and she just won’t stop bothering me.”

Woman: “Stop lying, you worthless piece of s***! You will respect me! You will do your job! I will have you fired!”

Surfer: “Honk! Sorry… I tried communicating with her, but she’s just too crazy!”

Me: “Ma’am, he does not work here. Please leave him alone. And, sir, please, stop honking and just walk away! I am so sorry you’ve had to put up with this.”

Woman: *Turning on me* “No! He will not leave! He will do his d*** job! You’re in it with him! I will have you both fired! You won’t get away with this!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t stop screaming immediately, I will have to have you removed from the building and will call the police. Whatever the issue, nothing justifies your behavior. Please stop shouting!”

At that time, the surfer dude turns and starts walking away. The woman immediately shrieks and rams her trolley into him. He’s a big guy, but she sends him flying and he cuts himself as he falls.

Woman: “You will not leave! You don’t turn your back on me! You will respect me!”

The surfer stands up dripping blood and starts walking toward her with murder in his eyes. Where moments before he’d been calm and laughing, he is suddenly very menacing. Fortunately, security arrives and various other people step between him and her.

Surfer: “That’s assault. She assaulted me and I am pressing charges. Call the police now.”

With security there, she was prevented from leaving, and when the police arrived and saw the video, she was arrested and charged with common assault and public nuisance. My manager gave the surfer dude a voucher for his troubles and he told us (backed up by video) that he had repeatedly told her that he did not work for us but she had followed him around the store for fifteen minutes yelling at him until he started honking back. Some people are just crazy.