Setting Security Straight

, , , , | Working | August 22, 2017

(This happened to an old colleague of mine back when coming out as gay was still a huge deal. He came out to pretty much the entire company at once. Shortly afterwards he gets called into a meeting with security. He isn’t sure what to expect and is apprehensive.)

Security: “So, you’re gay?”

Colleague: “Yes.”

Security: “Who knows about this?”

Colleague: “Well, just about everyone.”

Security: “So, you don’t mind people knowing? It’s not a secret?”

Colleague: “No, everyone can know.”

Security: “Oh! Well, there’s no security issue, then.”

They’re Really Big Down Under

, , , , | Working | August 22, 2017

(There are two women I’ve never met who work in cubicles across the aisle from me. They sit at their desks and call to one another through the partitions constantly, which results not only in me knowing far more about their personal lives than I ever cared to, but also some unintended hilarity like this.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, oh, have you tried them yet?”

Coworker #2: “Yes! Well, I tried one.”

Coworker #1: “I really like the long ones. I didn’t like the big ones as much. Where are they from?”

Coworker #2: “Australia? Or New Zealand? Something like that. I haven’t tried the big one yet.”

(No, I don’t know what they were talking about, but probably not what it sounded like!)

Where Is The Dislike?

, , , , | Right | August 21, 2017

(I run a walking food tour and recently put out a competition for someone to win a double pass on the tour, including lots of delicious food bought for them along the way. It was a Facebook competition and people had to ‘Like’ our page, ‘Tag’ a friend, and ‘Share’ the post. You’d think it would be fairly simple, except some people would put extra comments in.)

Me: “Don’t forget to Like our page, Tag a friend, and Share the post, to give you a chance to win!”

Customer: “I tag [Name #1] and [Name #2] and [Name #3]. We would love this. We need some fun and great eating at the moment because our 18-year-old brother was killed in a car accident last Saturday.”

Me: *to a friend* “Well then, now I will feel guilty if I don’t give it to them, but who says that just to win a prize?

Doesn’t Give You Much Assurance About Their Insurance

, , | Right | August 21, 2017

(We ask customers for the details of who they bank with in case they have dual insurance with a paid bank account. The client I’m currently talking to has a specific insurance for airline staff. We are about ten minutes into a call talking through a claim form when she says:)

Caller: “I didn’t know who I bank with, so I crossed the whole section out.” *Hmm?* “Yes, it was difficult, so I wrote ‘purple card.’”

Me: “Umm…”

Caller: *continuing on through the sections a whole manner of it she has filled in, shall we say, creatively* “…then I didn’t know how to show you that I owned the item, so I took a picture of myself with it, then held it with that picture on it and took another picture.”

(She was only claiming a few minor damages to the item. In the end I kinda felt bad for her because she’d clearly over-thought the whole thing. I ended up telling her not to send pictures, since we had already discussed a repair quote and we use sense to know that they had the item to actually have a quote done. Also this person is in charge of a huge airborne people-carrying plane. It slightly put me off flying.)

Can’t Deal With This New Number

, , , , | Friendly | August 19, 2017

(I get a call on my cellphone from a number I don’t know. I recently contacted someone on Craigslist about a very nice dining table they were just giving away, so I answer.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “[Name similar to mine]?”

Me: “[My Name], yeah.”

Caller: “You wanna hang out?”

Me: “Sorry… who is this?”

Caller: “Is this [Name similar to mine]?”

Me: “No, my name is [My Name]. I’ve only had this number for a couple weeks though, so he was probably the guy who had it before me.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Sorry about that. Bye.” *click*

(I thought it was kind of funny that I’d inherited my number from someone whose name was only one letter different from mine… though I found it considerably less funny that I kept getting calls for him at least once a week for the next SIX MONTHS. Some of which would not believe me that I wasn’t him, and others that would immediately text me after hanging up asking him to call them. I eventually started to wonder if he’d been a dealer.)

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