‘Tis Better To Have Delivered And Lost Than To Never Have Delivered At All

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Working | August 9, 2012

(I order some pizzas from a well-known pizza chain. The guy who delivers my pizza seems friendly enough, although his attitude is less than professional.)

Delivery Guy: “Here you go dude: three large pizzas and an order of garlic breadsticks. Your total comes to [price].”

(I hand over some cash to the delivery guy.)

Me: “All right, here you go, and a little extra for your efforts.”

Delivery Guy: “Thanks, bro. Sorry I couldn’t arrive sooner though. The directions to your house were f***ing difficult. I had made a wrong turn at some point, and I was like ‘Aw, s***!’ Wasn’t very pleasant at all!”

(I am a little taken aback by this. Not because of his choice of words, but because I live less than four miles away from the pizza place.)

Me: “Yeah, don’t sweat it. Drive safely now.”

Delivery Guy: “Thanks, pal!”

(I bring my pizzas inside and eat them with my family. Not more than 10 minutes later, I receive a phone call.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yo, this is [Delivery Guy] from [Pizza Chain] calling. I’m having a hard time finding your house. Could you possibly give me directions?”

(I recognize the voice. It is the same delivery guy who just delivered my pizzas.)

Me: “Dude, you already delivered my pizzas.”

Caller: “The h*** you on about? I have your pizza right here with me!”

Me: “You should probably double-check the address you’re looking for. ‘Cause believe me, I have three piping hot pizzas right in front of me right now.”

Caller: “Really? F***! Never mind, dude!” *click*

Weekend Roundup: You Drive Me Crazy

, | Not Always Right | Right | May 20, 2012

Your Drive Me Crazy! This week, we share five stories of customers who drive employees nuts—and the brave workers who are driven to serve them just the same!

  1. Drive Hoo:
    Woohoo! Drive-thru customers can really drive you crazy!
  2. Preserving Life, 1-Up At A Time:
    Proof that Pokémon-players take “Gotta Catch ‘Em All” VERY seriously.
  3. Copycats…and Copy Dogs, Copy Sheep…:
    A customer wanting to clone his dog? Just another day at the bookstore!
  4. That Was Random:
    One coffee shop customer takes a random walk on the weird side.
  5. We Can Thank Hollywood And “Hacker” Films For This:
    Tech support can fix your hard drive, but not the car you drive!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Half A Brain

, | Sumter, SC, USA | Working | April 25, 2012

Employee: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. Carry out or delivery?”

Me: “Delivery.”

Employee: “Okay, go ahead with your order.”

Me: “I would like a large pineapple pizza, half without cheese.”

Employee: “Which half would you like the cheese on?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Employee: “Which half of the pizza would you like the cheese on?”

Me: *after pausing for a moment* “The… left half.”

Employee: “Okay, your total will be $12.72 and your pizza should be there in 35 minutes!”

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Lt. Ripley Goes Shopping

, , , , , , | Right | October 28, 2010

Customer: “Do you have any wasp spray?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re currently out. Maybe [Other Store] has it.”

(The customer thanks me and walks away. Thirty minutes later I see him at the checkout with a Super Soaker, some lighters, and a one liter bottle of lighter fluid. I just stare at him in disbelief.)

Customer: “Wish me luck!”

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Drive Hoo

, , , , , | Right | September 13, 2010

Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”

Me: “All right, that’ll be $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

(The customer drives to the window.)

Me: “That’s $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

(Pause.)

Me: “$12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “12.”

Customer: “Woo!”

Me: “09.”

Customer: “Hoo!”

Me: “12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “…09.12.”

Customer: “Hoowoo!”

Me: “90.21.”

Customer: “Ooh-oow!”

Me: “Well played, sir.”

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