Fresh Out Of Common Sense

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(A woman orders an Americano, which is just espresso and water, and requests room for cream. As I am making the drink, I see her clearly pouring the cream pitcher.)

Me: “Is everything all right over there?”

Customer: *furiously wiping cream from counter* “Oh, yes. I was just checking to see if the cream was fresh! I hate when it’s been sitting out for like, five hours!”

Me: “Um… Next time, you could just ask!”

Recipe’s Frozen In Place

, , , , , , , | Working | November 14, 2017

(I work with my sister at a vegan bakery. It’s her first job. It is January, so typically cold. I show up the first day before sunrise and it is freezing inside — literally. The building is separate from the main restaurant.)

Me: “Why is it so cold?”

Sister: “Oh, the owner doesn’t have heat installed in here. Don’t worry; it kind of warms up after a few hours when we turn the oven on.”

(Later, I start to mix a recipe with a spoon.)

Sister: “Oh, no, if the owner comes back here and sees that, we get in trouble. We have to use our bare hands.”

Me: “Seriously? Bare hands? And it’s all freezing?”

Sister: “Yeah, otherwise we get yelled at and she starts coming back here a lot more to check.”

(Another day the owner came back and hurriedly LOCKED US IN. There were bars on the window; we literally couldn’t get out if there was a fire. She did this for several days because, as we found out later, the health inspector was around and she didn’t want him to know that building was in use. It’s really hard to find a baking job, so my little sister begged me not to say anything. I got my revenge quite unintentionally. On one of my last few days, it was so cold I wore my longest coat. I got so many glares from the owner and the staff in the actual kitchen, all family members, and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized: they are all Hindu. My coat? A calf-length white LEATHER trench coat. Oops. Shortly after I moved on, my sister gave up as well. She made new recipes for things like their tea cookies, following all vegan guidelines, but they were rejected because, “They didn’t taste vegan,” “They weren’t hard enough,” and, “No one would believe they were vegan.” After she left, someone sued because the cookies were so hard they broke a tooth.)

A New Way To Get Electrolytes

, , , , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(I’m on the customer service desk when a customer approaches.)

Customer: “I want to return this banana!”

Me: *looking at perfectly healthy, unpeeled banana* “Okay, can I just ask what the problem was?”

Customer: *completely serious* “It gave me an electric shock!”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “I DON’T WANT ELECTRICITY IN MY STOMACH!”

Me: “Okay, sir. Let me just get that for you.”

(It was the strangest refund I’ve ever had to do, and it was 13p.)

Minimum Effort Gets Minimum Wage

, , , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(We have a “now hiring” sign in the hall outside our store. I am doing small chores when a man walks in.)

Man: “What’s your starting pay?”

Me: *caught off-guard and not quite hearing him* “Sorry?”

Man: “What’s your starting pay?”

Me: “Oh! Uh, it’s minimum wage.”

Man: “All right, thanks.”

(He immediately left, without picking up an application. I don’t know what sort of pay he was expecting from a tiny store in the mall, but how could a full-grown adult expect he’d be hired ANYWHERE if he asked about the pay without even saying hello?)

Hopefully It’s Only The Call That Dropped

, , , , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(I’m a student living on the top floor of a nice dorm. “Nice dorm” means nice elevators with functioning emergency call buttons. One day, I’m riding the elevator down when the emergency call button blinks, along with a ringing sound.)

Me: “No way.”

(I push the call button.)

Caller: “Hi!”

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Is this [Female Name]?”

Me: *definitely male voice* “No.”

Caller: “When will [Female Name] be in?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “This is an elevator.”

Caller: *long pause* “I’m sorry?”

Me: “You called an elevator. There is no [Female Name] here.”

Caller: *click*

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