When Science Socks It To You!

, , , , | Learning | October 10, 2017

(The class is entering their science period.)

Teacher: *bursting through the doors* “EVERYBODY OUT! I’VE BURNT A SOCK IN THE MICROWAVE!”

Entire Class: “What?”

Teacher: *waving us out* “Go, go!”

(A noticeable stench is wafting out of the classroom. The entire class follows the teacher.)

Me: *whispering to my friends* “How did she burn a sock in the microwave?”

(We ended up staying in the garden for the next hour or so. Ever since, that room has always smelled a little bit like burnt burritos.)

Sub-Standard Recognition Skills

, , , , , | Right | October 9, 2017

(I walk into a gas station and witness this exchange. A middle-aged man has a simple purchase, a bag of chips, and is attempting to use a card at the register, but it won’t scan. A small line begins to form.)

Clerk: “It’s not going through. Can I see the card?”

Customer: *starts to make a scene* “This is ridiculous. I just want to pay and get out of here!” *keeps trying to scan the card, but eventually hands over the card to them*

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir; this is a gift card for [Sub Shop]. This is [Gas Station]. Unfortunately, I can’t take this card; do you have a different one?”

Customer: “Oh, this isn’t [Sub Shop]? No wonder you don’t have the chips I like!” *throws the bag of chips at the clerk and storms off*

Clerk: *visibly shaken* “Well, now I’ve seen everything. We don’t even make subs here.”

Manager: *to the clerk* “You should go take a break. That was a little intense.”

Me: “At least he didn’t try to order a sub. He would have really had a bad time.”

Hands Off The Merch(ant)

, , , , , | Right | October 9, 2017

(I am working as a cashier at a fast food place during my senior year of high school. One day an older lady comes in with three grandchildren.)

Me: “Good morning! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Just a moment; let’s figure out what we want.”

(She proceeds to talk with the kids and argue about what they want for about five minutes before I finally have everything in the machine.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, if that’s all…”

(I put my hand out for her change and she grabs my hand.)

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Not so fast! I still have to order for me.”

(She continues to hold my hand for the duration of the order, even as I try to pull my hand back. Only at the end when she gets her money out do I get my hand released. Needless to say I kept my hands behind the counter for the rest of the order.)

Customer: “Here you are!”

(She apparently saw nothing wrong with what she did, and I was too polite to mention anything. All of my coworkers saw this and teased me for a month, asking where my “girlfriend” was.)

Hiding Them Like Animal Crackers

, , , | Learning | October 9, 2017

(During finals week, everyone in my Earth Science class finishes the final early, so on the last day of school, we are getting ready to watch a movie instead. It is still during the five-minute passing period when the class stoner asks the teacher for a favor:)

Student: “Can I go get my crackers?”

Teacher: “Sure, where are they?”

Student: “In the tree outside, because that’s where I hid them.”

Teacher: *pauses* “Your crackers are outside in a tree?”

Student: “Yeah. Can I go get them, please?”

Teacher: “I guess, as long you’re back before the bell rings.”

At A Loss To Explain The Coin Loss

, , , , , | Right | October 7, 2017

(I’m in line behind a man who has just paid for his coffee with cash.)

Cashier: “Here’s your change, sir.” *it’s a few coins*

Customer: “You mean trash.”

(The customer takes the change, tosses it in the trash can, and walks off.)

Me: *to the cashier* “Geez, ever heard of a tip jar? I think it’s illegal to throw money away. Was it just pennies?”

Cashier: “It was 29 cents!”

Me: “So, he got a quarter! I would have gladly taken it.” *in a mocking voice* “I’m too good for coins; I only use bills.”

Barista: “That’s what happens when you have too much money.”

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