Taken Aback By Going Back To You

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2018

(I am at the tills and a customer approaches me with an item she wants to bring back. She also has a basket full of shopping.)

Me: “Okay, I have returned your item, so that’ll be £16.99 going back to you. Would you like me to put your shopping through the same transaction?”

Customer: “Yes, please!”

(I scan her shopping through.)

Customer: “And is that at zero now?”

Me: “No, there’s still £5.96 going back to you.”

Customer: “Okay. Let me go and find something else.”

(She leaves the till — bear in mind there is a queue building — and rushes to grab something from an aisle. A minute or so later she returns with a few items. I scan them through.)

Me: “That’s still £2.56 going back to you.”

Customer: “Really? I’ll find something else I might need.”

(Again she rushes off. She takes a little longer this time, and comes back with things from the very back of the shop.)

Customer: “Okay. What is it now?”

Me: “It’s 10p going back to you.”

Customer: “Ugh. What is there around here for 10p?”

Me: *with a deadpan expression* “Two carrier bags?”

(She actually bought the carrier bags so she didn’t have any money to go back to her. I have absolutely no idea why it was so important for the balance to level out at £0.00. Luckily I had patient customers who were as baffled and amused as I was!)

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The Family That Eats Together Orders Separately

, , , , | Related | September 21, 2018

(I get off work at night, and want to pick up something quick for dinner. I put an order in online at a restaurant chain that closes in a half-hour, and I’m on my way over to the restaurant when I get a text from my sister.)

Sister: “Do you want me to pick up your to-go order?”

(I have not told my sister about my takeout plans, nor have I shared my rewards account info with her.)

Me: “Huh?”

Sister: “Your to-go order from [Restaurant].”

Me: “How do you know?”

(Then, I get a call from my sister.)

Sister: “I was waiting for my to-go order and I saw [My First Initial, Our Last Name] pop up on the screen.”

Me: “Didn’t you think it was yours, just misspelled?”

Sister: “Or maybe it was [Cousin]’s order.”

(We have a very unusual last name, but yes, somehow my sister and I had the same idea that night of going to the same restaurant within a few minutes. I was only a couple blocks away when we spoke so I picked up my own food. Sure enough, I saw her at home with the same restaurant’s bag.)

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Getting Her Panties In A Twist

, , , | Right | September 21, 2018

(I have quite a few people from other countries come into my store. It is pretty common for us to attempt to communicate with charades. I am working the service desk, and a woman comes up to me.)

Customer: “I need strippas.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “STRIPPAS! I need strippas for my panties!”

(I am staring at her as though she is insane.)

Me: “I don’t believe we sell strippers here…”

(She then takes a bag and demonstrates what panties are by holding it against herself.)

Customer: “Strippas for elastic. My elastic no good. Need strippas.”

(I figured she was talking about elastic coming out of her panties. So, I pointed her toward the fabric counter. A few minutes later she ran out of the store, screaming, “TOO MUCH!”)

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They Got The Drop On You

, , , , , | Right | September 20, 2018

(I am checking out a customer. I hand him a dollar in change and then lightly drop coins into his hand.)

Customer: *gives me a look* “You could have just handed me my change like I handed you the money, instead of just dropping it into my hand.”

(I think to myself… I did hand you the money, but it’s impossible to place a bunch of coins directly into your hand unless you want me to count them out one by one.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I meant no disrespect.”

Customer: “Yeah, you’re sorry, but you still did it, huh?*turns to his friend and my coworker* “Did you just see how she handed me my money? So disrespectful! I can’t believe how rude.”

(The man leaves.)

Coworker: *giggles* “Jeez. I saw the way you handed it to him; it was completely normal, and he just acted like you just kicked his puppy.”

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Calling The Police While On The Phone With You

, , , , | Legal | September 20, 2018

Me: “Good morning, [Law Firm]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “WHO IS THIS?!”

Me: “[Law Firm], may I help you?”

Caller: “HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?”

Me: “Is there someone I can connect you with?”

Caller: “I’VE ALREADY CALLED THE POLICE!”

Me: “Good to know; have a nice day!”

Caller: *click*

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