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Kittens May Be Too Much For You, Lady

, , , | Healthy | July 14, 2022

I work in a veterinary clinic. We have a new client who’s only been coming to our office for a little over a month. However, she has been in three times already and calls almost every day, and she often calls multiple times a day on those days.

She freaks out over everything her kittens do and anything that happens to them. They get diarrhea? Apocalyptic panic. They scratch the furniture and are energetic because they’re kittens? Hysterical crying.

And if we don’t call her back with answers from the vet within twenty minutes of her calling, she calls back and gets upset that no one is responding to her. She once called the local emergency vet in the middle of the night to complain to them that we hadn’t responded to the message she left. We were closed, but that little detail didn’t matter to her. 

This past week, she was in with her kittens for a skin issue, and the vet stayed late to see her. We’ve given her a skin cleanser that needs dilution and have explained how to do so: one part cleanser to ten parts water (one tablespoon cleanser plus ten tablespoons water).

Client: “I can’t do this! I don’t understand!”

The tech explains again how to do it, making it very simple and non-technical.

Tech: “And then you put it into a spray bottle and spray the kittens.”

Client: “I can’t! There’s no [Superstore] near my house; I can’t get a spray bottle!”

Starting to get emotional, the client gestures to a bottle on the counter full of spray disinfectant.

Client: “Can I buy that one?”

Receptionist: “No, I’m sorry. That’s the clinic’s disinfectant spray; we can’t sell it to you.”

The client began to cry as if we’d told her we were going to burn down her house. The conversation was repeated multiple times, and the client insisted she had more questions for the doctor, who was in with a late emergency. We’d been closed for an hour, but she refused to leave. Eventually, the tech managed to get her out, but she stood outside for a while, not leaving the property. She did finally seem to be leaving, but we were apparently wrong.

She got in her car but just sat there, staring at the office door. We periodically peered outside, and she was still there each time. And unfortunately, the vet’s very distinct car was parked less than ten feet from the client’s. We realized quickly that she was planning to corner the vet at her car and make more of her demands.

When we finally left, nearly two hours past closing, the staff scattered to their cars quickly, hoping to not get caught by the client (she thinks we’re all basically able to do anything the vet can do), and the vet finally made a beeline for her car. In a miracle moment, the client had turned away to check on the kittens, just long enough for my boss to hop in her car, whip out of the spot, and peel out like her life depended on it.

I’ve seen some really weird stuff working here, but that was the first client I’ve seen wait outside like that to basically stalk the vet.

Theory: They Sell Migraine Medication

, , , | Right | July 14, 2022

Me: “So, can you show me some websites that you like?”

Client: “Sure, check this one out.”

They crank up their speakers.

Website: “Welcome to Moe’s!”

The website blares the message on repeat. The client keeps clicking around on the site to make the noise happen more often.

I try to salvage the situation after about five minutes of waiting for the client to speak.

Me: “So, what do you actually like about the site?”

Client: “I just love it.”

At Least It Smelled Nice?

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: biquid | July 13, 2022

I’ve worked in retail for a little over five years now. I work at a local gift shop, and it’s pretty small, so we don’t get too many rude people, but I still have some interesting stories since I also live in a small town.

A customer walks in holding a large jug of laundry detergent, and since we’re just a gift shop, I know he’s not trying to make a return or anything, so I wonder what he’s carrying it around for. He shops around for a bit and grabs a few items to bring up to the register. I scan everything while he starts to chat with a coworker of mine.

The total ends up being $20 even, and he then hands me the jug of detergent. Of course, I’m confused, wondering if he is trying to barter with me or something. He must notice the confused look on my face because he elaborates before I can ask.

Customer: “The money is in there, my dear.”

Even more confused, I take the jug from him and it’s HEAVY. I open it and it is completely full of quarters.

Me: “Uhh, is this all you have?”

He simply nodded and continued to talk to my coworker, so I had to stand there and count out $20 worth of quarters. I was thankful that there were no other customers because it took a good few minutes, mainly because I had to dump quarters out onto the counter since the jug was one of those ones with a small pour spout on the top.

Once I was finally done counting, he thanked me and went on his merry way, taking his quarter jug with him. He was definitely nice and stuff, and honestly, it wasn’t even a big deal, especially since small change is always more than welcome. I’m just thankful I didn’t have to count out $20 in pennies.

No Wonder The Q Put Us On Trial

, , , , | Right | July 13, 2022

I am shopping in my local store with my wife. I am wearing a nerdy “Star Trek” shirt. The graphic contains a character called “Q” and one of his lines from the show, “The trial never ends.”

Another customer comes up to me and holds his hand up in the air.

Customer: “That’s right, brother! Put all those blue snowflakes on trial!”

He continues on his way shouting things about Hillary while my wife and I look at each other confused, and then we both lock eyes with an employee who seems to understand what just happened.

Employee: “That’s [Customer]. He’s very… uh… Q-Anon.”

I stopped wearing that shirt out of the house.


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Lesbi Honest. This Is Weird.

, , , , | Working | July 12, 2022

We have interviews lined up for a new position in the office. I am tending to paperwork while an applicant is making small talk.

Applicant: “And you’re a lesbian?”

Me: “What?”

Applicant: “A lesbian? You’re a lesbian.”

Me: “No?”

Applicant: *Looking extremely disappointed* “Oh, I thought you were a lesbian.”

He turned away and sat down. He was taken in shortly after for his interview, but he left rather quickly in comparison to the other applicants. The manager came out and asked what was up with him.

He had apparently interrupted the manager, mid-question, asking if there were any lesbians working here. When she said she didn’t know, he looked distraught and said he didn’t want to bother anymore.

We’ve blacklisted him just in case his curiosity about women’s sexuality in the office was anything other than innocent.