Customer Service Makes You Want To Die

, , , , | Right | August 26, 2017

(We offer a lot of unique cards for all occasions. But after the holidays, our supplies are usually pretty low until we get new shipment in. A customer, roughly in her late forties to early fifties, approaches me.)

Customer: “Can you show me where your sympathy cards are?”

Me: “Right this way. They’ll be along this wall.”

Customer: “Are these all you have?”

Me: “Yes, these would be it. We’re still getting shipments in to recover from the holiday season.”

Customer: “People die a lot during the holidays.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that…”

Customer: “No, no. It’s for the best.”

Me: *unsure what to say*

Customer: “I mean, everyone’s going to die. It’s just a matter of time. And it’s better for them. They go to a better place. You’d better brace yourself. Because one day, everyone you know will just start dropping dead.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “But it always leaves new openings for new beginnings.”

Me: *scrambling for anything to say in response* “Right. Like how the tarot card for death means the end of something so that something else can take its place.”

Customer: “Exactly. And it will be better. So it’s good that people die.”

(I am called away to ring people up, so I am working the cash register when she is checking out.)

Customer: *as she’s leaving* “Live life! Life is short! Your youth isn’t a guarantee!”

Me: “Have a good day?”

Voicing Your Concerns

, , , | Right | August 26, 2017

(Unfortunately, I’m the odd customer in this one. I approached a checkout at about four pm, ready to pay for my item.)

Cashier: “Afternoon!”

Me: “Good afterno—”

(I pause for a moment.)

Me: “Sorry, I just realised that’s the first time I’ve spoken all day. My voice box isn’t too happy about it.”

You’re Not Their Number One Choice

, , | Right | August 25, 2017

(I work in a call centre for a bank and get plenty of angry customers, sometimes with good reason and sometimes not so much…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “And so what is [Bank]’s phone number?”

Me: “It’s [free phone number].”

Customer: *now very angry* “Well, that’s the number I’ve just called!”

Me: “Yes, madam, it is. How could we help you today?”

Customer: “Oh, never mind. I’m going to call back through and speak to someone who knows what they’re talking about.” *hangs up*

This Hold Time Is A Joke

, , , , , | Working | August 25, 2017

(On behalf of the company I work for, I call an office furniture company.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company]. Can you quote me some prices on drafting tables?”

Receptionist: “One moment while I transfer you to that department…”

On Hold Message: “You have been put on hold. Being on hold is a lot like trout fishing, in that it allows you to do absolutely nothing with a clear conscience. Enjoy!”

(Followed by soft jazz…)

Cheesecake Cheesed Off

, , , , , | Right | August 25, 2017

(I’ve just been called in for a closing shift on my day off and two shifts have passed since I was last in the building so I’m not quite up-to-date on exactly what I have left in the backroom. I’m on the sales-floor stocking yogurt when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you have any more of [Brand] in strawberry cheesecake?”

Me: “Hmm. Not in this load but I had two cases in the back yesterday morning. I’ll go see if they’re still there.”

(I hurry to the cooler in the backroom and check quickly for the two cases but they are gone. I return to the man and less than three minutes have passed.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry, sir. We must have sold them after I left last night.”

Customer: “All right, thanks for checking.”

(I return to stocking yogurts and find three cups of the flavor he wanted at the back of the shelf, shoved behind another flavor. He’s still nearby so I flag him down.)

Me: “Oh, sir, I found three of them at the back of the shelf!”

(Suddenly he snarls at me.)

Customer: “You little b****! You wasted my time!” *he turns on his heel and leaves without the yogurts, leaving me speechless*

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