That Would Be A Lot Of One-Star Reviews On Uber

, , , , | Right | March 14, 2018

(A young, fairly well-dressed, frustrated-looking woman comes up to the front desk and paces around. It’s midnight and our city is very urban.)

Me: “May I help you?”

Woman: “Yes. I need a room.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are sold out tonight.”

Woman: “Ugh! Who is not sold out? Where are the rooms?”

Me: “Uh… Well, tonight is busy, since there is some convention in the city. The only hotel that would have rooms, I think, would be [Hotel], which is five miles away.”

Woman: *dramatically* “Five miles, walking in the dark? I’m a woman! Are you crazy? Do you not understand?”

(I’m female, too.)

Me: *ignores slight* “So, you don’t have a car. Well, I could call you a taxi if you like?”

(At this point, I’m eager to have this crazy woman out of here at all costs.)

Woman: “No! No taxis! They rape you!”

(She says the word “rape” so loudly that two other women standing across the room look over and stare. At first I thinks she means it financially, but it’s obvious after a second that this isn’t the case.)

Me: *quietly* “Ma’am, the taxi drivers don’t, uh… assault anyone here.”

Woman: *throwing hands up* “Yes, they do! They do!

Me: “Well, I don’t know what else to tell you.”

Woman: “I’m stuck here with no ride, in the dark, and there’s no rooms! Thanks so much for your ‘help’!”

(She flounced off. I was stunned, but I went to the back to do some paperwork. Over the security cameras, I could see her pacing around the hotel, and then finally leaving at a brisk pace in the direction of the other hotel. I guess she decided to walk the five miles after all, in the pitch dark, instead of taking an “unsafe” taxi!)

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Oh Boy(s), Another Crazy

, , , | Right | March 14, 2018

(I work in a bakery. The customer places her order and I slice and bag her bread. All goes normally.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice afternoon.”

Customer: “It won’t be; I have five boys I have to go home to.”

Me: “Well, I hope it’s not too bad.”

Customer: “I didn’t want kids, but Jesus says we have to have as many as possible.”

(I look at my senior coworker with a WTF look.)

Customer: “Are you married? You should have kids. Jesus says we have to have kids.”

(At this point she starts yelling at my coworker and me that we have to have children. Finally, there is a pause in her ranting and I try to get her out of the store.)

Me: “Have a nice day. See you next time.”

Customer: *shakes her head but finally walks off*

Me: *to coworker* “What was that?”

Coworker: “You have finally met a crazy. We get a few.”

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If THAT Is The Rudest Thing They’ve Ever Heard, Give It A Minute…

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2018

(I work in a call center where existing customers can get support. As many call centers do, we have a script for call opening so we can quickly pull up account information.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name] speaking. May I start with your name and home address?”

Caller: *irate* “How dare you ask for my name?! That is the rudest thing I have ever heard! You should wait for me to introduce myself! Were you ever taught manners? I don’t care what your managers say; it is completely unacceptable to ask for my name!”

(The customer continued to rant along these lines for a full five minutes before giving me the opportunity to speak, and even then, I had to apologize for the very standard practice of asking for his name before he would tell me what his problem was, so I could help him! He does this same thing every time he calls, and I suspect he must do the same thing with every other call center he speaks with.)

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Paid Fun Doesn’t Pay Off

, , , | Working | March 13, 2018

(Our job isn’t really rocket science, so my coworker and I often engage in small talk during work. Some of my hobbies are quite creative. I play alto saxophone in a harmony orchestra, and I am also a history reenactor. Both hobbies require a performance now and then. Every time I mention this coming up, the dialogue goes the same.)

Coworker: “Do you get paid for it?”

Me: “Erm, no?”

Coworker: “Then what’s the use of doing it?”

Me: “Ever heard of having fun?”

(The best part of it: [Coworker] doesn’t seem to have any hobbies at all, filling his free time with looking on the Internet, watching TV, “hanging out,” and “chilling.” Much more useful, of course.)

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A Three-Rubel Bill

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2018

(My coworker and I are working a Saturday morning shift and are the only two people on duty. During a slow time, a customer we both recognize and dread walks in. He has been in here before and is known for bizarre and rude behavior. He also frequently rides the local bus system and harasses other passengers. Needless to say, we are not happy to see him. As he barks out an order for coffee, he makes small talk that gets more wild as it goes on. Note: my coworker is still in high school, and is taking AP Spanish.)

Coworker: “That’ll be two dollars for the coffee.”

Customer: “You take two-dollar bills?”

Coworker: “Yep, we do.”

Customer: *taking two one-dollar bills from his wallet* “You take three-dollar bills?”

Coworker: “I don’t think so, no.”

Me: “I don’t think there is such a thing as a three-dollar bill.”

Customer: “Well, there is. I used to work for the Philadelphia Mint. I know all about all kinds of money.”

Coworker: “Really? That’s interesting.”

Customer: “Yeah. I worked for the CIA, too. And at the Hague. And in Russia. I can speak all kinds of languages.”

Coworker: “You don’t say.”

Customer: “I speak Russian.” *fires off a rapid sequence of words that sounds vaguely Slavic* “You speak Russian?”

Coworker: “I don’t, no.”

Customer: *narrows eyes and speaks fiercely* “That’s because your parents didn’t paddle you when you were a child!”

(He takes his coffee and leaves abruptly, while my coworker and I are left amazed.)

Me: “Uh. Did you get paddled as a child?”

Coworker: “Nope, not really. I got punished in other ways.”

Me: “Well, that must be why you speak Spanish.”

(We still laugh about this weird guy and his startling method of learning Russian!)

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