(Dish)Wash Your Hands Of This

, , , , | Working | March 21, 2018

(I apply for a dishwashing job. They call me for an interview. A guy that introduces himself as the manager greets me.)

Manager: “After this interview, you’ll have a second one and then a third. We’ll also need five references.”

Me: *knowing that this isn’t standard procedure* “Really? For a dishwasher?”

Manager: “Yes! We want to hire the best!

Me: “Okay, then.”

(I give him the references and the interview ends. Weeks go by and I hear no more of him, so I assume that he’s no long interested. I find another job. MONTHS later, he calls me.)

Manager: “Hellooo! How are you?”

Me: “I’m fine.”

Manager: “Well, I wanted to tell you that only four of your five references answered, so I’ll need another one.”

Me: “Really? You waited months to tell me?”

Manager: “Of course!”

Me: “…”

(I told him that I was no longer interested and he was speechless. Really, what did you expect after months went by? I guess he thought I’d be waiting by the phone for his call!)

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Not Being Berry Truthful

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(I am working the dinner rush for a popular roast beef restaurant and have just cleared out the last of the customers without incident. A girl walks in, and I can immediately tell she is upset about something.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Listen. I just came through the drive-thru and you forgot to give me my strawberry shake.”

Me: “Oh, um, we don’t have strawberry shakes.”

Customer:Yes, you do! I just came through, and there was a strawberry shake on my receipt!”

Me: “Actually, that would be impossible, as we don’t even have them on our registers. Can I see your receipt, please?”

Customer: “No! I threw it away! Just give me my d*** strawberry shake!”

Me: “Like I said, it is physically impossible for me to give you a strawberry shake.”

Customer: “I will be calling your district manager! You just don’t want to give me my shake!”

Me: “Do you want to call her at work tomorrow, or for me to get her personal number for you? She will reassure you that we could not have possibly charged you for a strawberry shake, and furthermore, if you would have been polite towards me, I would have been happy to give you a shake, as we value our customers, which you obviously haven’t been in a long time.”

(The customer then stormed out of the store muttering about a strawberry shake and flipped me off as she was getting back into her car.)

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Someone Brought Home The Bacon

, , , , | Working | March 20, 2018

(My friend and I go to a popular fast food chain known for its breakfast sandwiches. My friend orders a sausage and egg breakfast sandwich. The clerk goes to work making his sandwich, and then this happens.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir; it appears we’re out of sausage. Is it okay if we use bacon, instead?”

Friend: “Sure.”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir; it appears we’re out of eggs. Is it okay if we use bacon, instead?”

Friend: “Um… Okay.”

(As expected, his sausage and egg breakfast sandwich became just a mass of bacon on an English muffin. We just sat there bewildered at how a restaurant that specializes in breakfast can run out of sausage and eggs!)

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The Future Is Out Of Apples

, , , , , | Right | March 19, 2018

(I’m a cashier at an express checkout. My coworker is there to let me out for my break. It’s not uncommon for customers to comment on the year — 1982, for example — if the purchase is around $20.)

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer: “Ah, what a wonderful year.” *pays and leaves*

Coworker: “Wait, what was his total?”

Me: “$63.78.”

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This Encounter Will Always Be In YOUR Permanent Record

, , , , , , | Learning | March 18, 2018

(I work at a middle school office, and parents need to bring in a doctor’s note if their student missed school because of an appointment. One day, a mother walks in with a note.)

Mother: “I’d like to clear my child’s absence. He had a dentist’s appointment.” *makes no move to hand me a note*

Me: “Sure thing! However, to verify your child was at the dentist, we need a—”

Mother: *interrupting* “That’s fine! I know the date! It was January 8th, 2015!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but… Wait. Did you just say, ‘2015’?”

Mother: “YES! What, are you deaf or something?”

Me: “That was four years ago. There’s only three grades in middle school. Your kid doesn’t even attend this school anymore, ma’am.”


Me: “Ma’am, even if your child still attended this school, I could not excuse it, because it’s long after the gradebook closed for the year. You don’t need to worry about his permanent record; that’s only for—”

Mother: “AGH! FORGET IT! YOU’RE JUST BEING UNREASONABLE!” *storms out of the office*

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