This Customer Needs To Be Ghosted

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2018

Cashier: “Hello, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need a refund for this game!”

Cashier: “Was it defective?”

Customer: “It released evil spirits into my house!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Unless it was defective, it cannot be returned once opened.”


(I see the title of the game at this point, Wii Play Plus, and know exactly what she is talking about.)


Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. The ghost mini-game does not actually detect real ghosts.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “The Wii takes advantage of the Wii MotionPlus to detect where it’s pointing even if it’s off the screen. There are no actual ghosts in your house.”

Customer: “Well, I never! Who thought that was a good idea? People could get confused easily!” *flounces out, game in hand*

(The cashier wordlessly handed me a 75%-off coupon.)

They Were Not In Concert With Their Late-Night Visitors

, , , , , , , , | Working | January 15, 2018

This happened at my mom’s office last year. One night in winter, her bosses were working really late and still had some lights on in the building. While working on the second floor, they heard something downstairs, so they called the police, considering it was after midnight and they thought the door was locked.

The police arrived, guns drawn, and discovered a drunk girl passed out in the receptionist’s chair. After talking to her, it turned out she had been drinking at a concert venue near the college and was so drunk when she left that she ended up walking about two miles in the wrong direction from campus. It was a cold night, so when she started to get too cold, she saw lights on in their building and, because the door was accidentally left unlocked, she thought it would be okay to warm up inside. She ended up passing out instead. The police helped her out, and I’m guessing they drove her back to her dorm.

But that morning, they realized she had left a phone. After a couple calls, it was discovered it wasn’t her phone at all; it belonged to a guy she met that night. They got another contact number for the guy from one of his friends, and when they finally spoke to him, he told the receptionist he was too drunk to come pick up the phone that morning.

Later that afternoon, the guy finally showed up, wrapped in a sheet, and asked for his phone. The receptionist gave it to him, and then he asked if he could take a selfie with her before he left. She said no.

Obama Drama, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(I work at an office supply store in the printing department. It is a Saturday evening, and a coworker and I are currently putting out ads for the next week. We have just closed our doors, and everything is going fine until we get a call. I don’t pay much attention until my coworker calls me over to take it, as it is for my department. Keep in mind that we are currently closed.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if I could get a price quote on some prints?”

Me: “Sure thing! What are you looking to get?”

(The customer proceeds to describe what he wants, which goes on for a few minutes. The conversation goes well, nothing out of the ordinary, until we reach the end of the conversation.)

Customer: “Sounds good! What time do you all close?”

Me: “We closed about 15 minutes ago, sir, but we open back up at 10:00 tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Aw, man, really? I am actually just right outside. Could you make an exception?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not, but like I said, we open back up tomorrow.”

Customer: “But I’m from out of town and I really need this done.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are closed.”

Customer: “But I’m from Texas; does that change anything?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, sir. We are still closed, regardless.”

(We go back and forth like this for several minutes. He is getting irate the longer it goes on, and so am I. I try to keep the friendliest voice I can muster. It seems like he has finally decided to give up, until the customer says something I never expected.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said before, we are closed.”

Customer: *in a threatening tone* “Do I need to call Obama to confirm that you’re closed?”

Me: *legitimately speechless*

Customer: *click*

(After I hung up the phone, I told my coworker and manager. They both got a pretty good kick out of it! It was the strangest phone call I have ever received. We also never did get that phone call from Obama.)


Obama Drama, Part 3
Obama Drama, Part 2
Obama Drama

Seeing Red Can Make One Roll Up One’s Sleeves

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(A huffy-looking woman comes in with her teenage daughter.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Woman: “My daughter needs a flapper dress for a ’20s dance her school is doing.”

Me: “Okay, great. I’ll pull a few options for you to look at.”

(I pull several styles of flapper dresses for the girl to try on. The woman stops her daughter before she gets the chance.)

Woman: “These are all sleeveless.”

Me: “Well, yes. Most flapper dresses did not have sleeves. If you’re not comfortable with that, I’d be happy to pull some more casual ’20s dresses. They were worn far more often than the flapper ones, and we have some darling ones that would look perfect in a dance.”

Woman: “No. It has to be one of these kind; it just has to have sleeves.”

Me: “The only dress we have in this style with sleeves is unavailable to rent, currently. If you would like, we can add a cardigan, jacket, or shawl to one of these dresses to add some coverage.”

Woman: “No. That would ruin the effect. It has to be one of these dresses but with sleeves.”

(The woman argues with me for a while longer before I go to my manager. She gives me the go-ahead to show her our only sleeved flapper dress. I thought it would be exactly what they were looking for, as the daughter had been drawn to the style it was in: a red fully-fringed dress. Relieved and thinking I have the answer, I take it to them. The woman’s eyes widen with shock when I show the dress to her. Fuming, she takes her daughter by the arm and tells her they’re leaving.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Is something wrong?”

Woman: “There are some colors we don’t wear in this family. Red is definitely one of them!”

(She dragged her daughter out, glaring at me all the way out the door.)

Clutch This Present Close To Your Breast

, , , , , , | Related | January 15, 2018

(My wife and I are both women. One Christmas, my mother-in-law gives us new pillows for our couch. She made the covers herself. They’re African print, with bare-breasted women.)

Mother-In-Law: “Your grandma told me to do something with this fabric specifically for you.”

Me: *later, when we’re alone* “How much should we read into this fabric choice?”

Wife: “I’m… honestly not sure.”

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