Welcome To Gotham 411

, , , , | Right | July 24, 2018

Me: “Good afternoon. You’re through to [Company]. How can I help?”

Caller: “How come Batman can’t fly?”

Me: “Batman cannot fly because he does not have any super powers.”

Caller: “Oh. I feel sorry for him.” *click*

Me: “What?”


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What Is She Feeding That Dog?

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2018

(I work in a farm supply and hardware store, and I’m used to customers asking for advice when building projects at home. I’m also used to them ignoring said advice and buying supplies that are woefully inadequate or insanely overkill. A young lady approaches me looking for chain to tie her dog outside. I escort her over to the bulk cable and chain area and go through options I think will best suit her application. Each one she declines, telling me the dog has broken through one already. Eventually, she points to one of the heaviest types we carry and says:)

Customer: “Do you have anything heavier than that one? He already broke one of those.”

(I grab a length of said chain and hold it up.)

Me: “He broke through one of these?”

Customer: “Yes, and only after only a few minutes!”

Me: “Well, I think you’ve got a problem, then, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “This chain is rated for 9,000 pounds. It’s typically used for heavy equipment, logging, and towing. If your pet broke through one of these, I can assure you one thing: he’s not a dog!”

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In Fact You’re VERY Sorry To Have Called Them

, , , , | Friendly | July 23, 2018

(I handle the phone at work. It’s a fairly busy and chaotic day. I get a call from a client with an emergency, and after that I quickly need to call my coworker on his mobile. I don’t have the number saved in my phone, so I type the number in manually. Because of all the stress I have had, I accidentally push the wrong buttons and have a typo in the number.)

Stranger: *picks up phone* “Yes?”

(I am instantly unsure if it’s really my coworker on the phone, because the voice sounds very unfriendly.)

Me: “Um… Hello? [Coworker]?”

Stranger: *yelling* “Who’s there?”

Me: “Oh… Wrong number.”

(I hang up, quickly trying to call my coworker again, as I really have an emergency going on. This time I type in the right number, but he doesn’t pick up his phone. I try to think of what to do next, when my phone rings. I can see the number of the caller on my display. It’s the “wrong number” I just accidentally called.)

Me: *picking up* “Welcome to [Business]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Stranger: “Did you just call me?”

Me: “Yes, I think I did. I misdialed.”

Stranger: *very unfriendly* “So, you don’t even think it’s necessary to say sorry?”

Me: *baffled* “Well… Sorry I didn’t say sorry when I misdialed your number. You’re right. I should have said sorry.”

(I think this is the end of the conversation. But it’s not.)

Stranger: “Well, how did this happen in the first place? How can you accidentally call the wrong number?! This shouldn’t happen!”

Me: “It can happen when you’re under lots of stress and handle the phone all day. As I said, I’m sorry for calling you.”

Stranger: *almost shouting* “NO! This can’t happen! You’re such a horrible person, it’s disgusting. You called me and didn’t even say sorry. You didn’t even say your name. I know your number. I’m going to call the police. I know exactly where you live. I’m a lawyer myself, and I’m going to ruin your life!”

Me: *shocked* “You want to sue me because I accidentally dialed your number?”

Stranger: “You didn’t even say you’re sorry!”

Me: *trying to calm stranger down and ending the call* “I’ve said it in this conversation already, and I am going to say it again: I’m very sorry for calling you. I hope you have a great remaining day.”

Stranger: “You can stop with your sarcasm there! I’ll sue you! This can’t happen!! I’ll ruin your life! You’re such a bad person. I’ll end your career!” *hangs up*

(I never heard from that person ever again.)

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Do NOT Let Her Organize The Store

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2018

(I am working in a large and well-known store when I am approached by a customer.)

Customer: “Do you sell power cords for stoves?”

Me: “I don’t believe so, but I would ask in the hardware department, just to be sure.”

Customer: “Is that where the guns are?”

Me: “No, that would be sporting goods.”

Customer: “All right. Also, do you cut keys here?”

Me: “Yes, in the automotive department.”

Customer: “Is that where the guns are?”

Me: “…”

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Oil Need You To Repeat That

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2018

(I work at a high-dollar retail store that sells mainly clothing but has some food products in the back. A lady walks up to the registers, which are also used for returns.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

(Drops a bottle of olive oil, about two-thirds full, on the counter with a receipt.)

Me: “All right, ma’am. Is there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yeah. I drank some of it, and it tasted terrible!”

(I just stand there, silent and dumbfounded for a moment, then call over my supervisor to approve the return, since it was opened. The customer gets her money and walks away.)

Me: *to supervisor* “Is there any reason to drink olive oil?”

Supervisor: “Not that I’m aware of.”

(Twenty minutes later, the same lady went to another register and bought the exact same brand of olive oil.)

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