Not Quite Sure What They Are Bowl-ing For

, , , , | Working | February 12, 2018

(I’m at the supermarket looking for a heat-proof bowl. I need it to melt chocolate, so it has to be both heat-proof and big enough for cake-baking. The aisle is looking pretty bare, so I look for someone to ask. Unfortunately, I get the most eager assistant in the store.)

Me: “I’m looking for a heat-proof baking bowl. Do you have anything in stock that I’m being stupid and can’t see?” *expecting it to be right in front of me — Sod’s Law*

Assistant: “Er, let’s see. Well, those bowls are heat-proof.”

Me: “These are cereal bowls. I’m looking for something bigger, like a baking bowl.”

Assistant: “Well, there are the baking bowls, but none of them are heat-proof.”

Me: *looking around* “Oh, actually, this one looks like it might do. Thanks!”

Assistant: “Are you sure? If you go to our store fifteen minutes away, they have a much wider selection.”

Me: “Oh, thanks. That’s okay. I don’t have a car, and I need to get the rest of the shopping home. This is close enough to what I was after; it will do what I need.”

Assistant: “Well, we have those cereal bowls, or the bigger bowls, or you can try our other store.”

Me: “Thanks, I think I’m all good.”

(I start to walk away.)

Assistant: “Do you want directions to our other store? I can call and make sure they have stock in.”

Me: “Honestly, thanks, I’ll just take this one.”

Assistant: “If you’re sure? We do have these baking bowls here, or the cereal bowls.”

Me: *edging further away* “No, that’s fine, thanks!”

(I’ve always found the people in that chain of supermarkets helpful, so I guess they have a really stringent policy on customer service, but as much as I appreciated his help, it got a bit wearing saying no that many times!)

They Pay Twice As Much, Which Is Half As Much As You Deserve

, , , , , | Right | February 11, 2018

(I am the shop assistant in a secondhand store. A customer is buying a lampshade and seems dissatisfied with the price.)

Me: “Okay, that comes to £1.50, please.”

Customer: “That is not worth the money!”

Me: “Er… Excuse me?”

Customer: “The lampshade is not worth £1.50!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot change the price. You don’t have to buy it if you don’t want to.”

Customer: “I want it. I’ll pay £3.00 for it.”

Me: “But that is not the price. You’ll be paying double for it.”

Customer: “I know. It is worth much more than £1.50! I always pay what an item is worth!”

(She then dumped the money on the counter, grabbed the lampshade, and walked out of the shop. I decided to put the extra money in the charity donation box on the counter, as this was easier than trying to explain why we were an extra £1.50 up!)

You’re Not In Good Shape

, , , , | Healthy | February 10, 2018

(I am at the dentist’s for a general cleaning, with a hygienist I haven’t been with before. Things are going normally until this happens.)

Hygienist: “Oh, wow. Wow. This is really unusual.”

Me: “Is… Is something wrong?”

Hygienist: “Let me get the dentist. I have never seen this before.”

(By now, I am panicking in the chair a little. The hygienist leaves, then comes back with the dentist, and they both look into my mouth.)

Hygienist: “Look at her uvula. Isn’t it a weird shape? I’ve never seen that before.”

Dentist: “It just has a bit of an indent in the middle.”

Hygienist: “Her uvula looks so weird. I’ve never seen that before.”

Dentist: “All right, [Hygienist], you can go now. I can finish up this cleaning.”

(The dentist told me it was nothing to worry about and barely noticeable, then finished the cleaning without issue. No dentist or hygienist had ever told me I had a weird uvula before.)

Working For A Schmuck

, , , , , , , | Working | February 9, 2018

(I’ve just started a new job and have had a several-hour-long meeting with my new coworkers. The coffee is percolating through me so I head straight for the bathroom. The CEO, who has a reputation for being eccentric, looks across to my urinal.)

Boss: “Ah… Are you Jewish, or did you go to public school?”

Me: *turning red* “Um… er… Just ‘done’ is all.”

Boss: “Well, at least you know you’ll never be a banker. They’re all complete pricks.”

(I wish I could say this was the limit of his behaviour, but it wasn’t.)

Not Phoning In That Joy

, , , , | Working | February 9, 2018

(I’m working a reception desk when a coworker hands me an iPhone 7, soaking wet, and informs me he found it by the front door. I quickly dry it off and begin trying to work out who it may belong to whilst another colleague wanders the five floors of our building to see if anyone’s lost a phone. After an hour, I’m starting to worry the owner may have travelled to a different site, when I hear a commotion on the stairs.)

Colleague: “…it was outside, [My Name]’s looking after it.”

Woman: “Oh, God.”

(Suddenly, a woman I don’t know comes charging through the doors to my reception, looking ready to cry.)

Woman: “You have my phone?”

Me: *holding up the phone* “Yep, all dried off and ready to go home.”

Woman: “Oh, my God! Thank you so much!”

(I point out a few scratches to the protective screen, but she’s obviously just relieved to have her “baby” back.)

Me: “I’ve been there. At least you’ve got it back, now.”

Woman: “I love you!”

Me: *unsure how to react to strangers declaring their love, and mouth going into autopilot* “Love you, too?”

(The woman left with a huge smile on her face, practically hugging her phone. I was having a bad morning, but her random declaration and joy certainly cheered me up!)

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