Some Sales Are Worth Crawling For

, , , , , | Right | December 28, 2017

Many years ago I was working at a supermarket as night-fill staff, where we restock the shelves after closing time. It was about 10 pm, and the roller shutter was three quarters shut, the lights in the mall were off, and the front of the shop was full of boxes.

A woman crawled under the mostly-shut roller door, then asked if we were open and if she could buy a couple of things!

All Talk, And That’s It

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2017

(I am working at a fast food chain and it is my third day on the job. Since I am new, I am put on serving, so I only have to give people their food. One of the team leaders is on dining room and often talks to the guests to make sure everything is going all right, or just to cheer people up or whatever. There is a man sitting alone in a corner, and my coworker goes over to ask if he would like a refill.)

Coworker #1: “Would you like a refreshment on—”

Customer: “Don’t talk to me; I’m fine!”

Coworker #1: *immediately turning around and rushing over to me* “Don’t go near that guy.”

Me: “I wasn’t planning on it, after that!”

(The next day I am put on register for the first time, so I am a little bit confused at times. I have a manager help me when I need it, but at one point she says that I can handle it on my own. A few minutes later, the same guy from the day before comes up to my register.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! Will this be for dine-in or—”

Customer: “I will have chicken nuggets.”

Me: “All right. Would you like that as a meal or an entree?”

Customer: *glaring at me* “A meal. I’ll have a [Soda #1] with that.”

Me: “Is a [Soda #2] okay?”

Customer: “I want [Soda #1]!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we only have [Soda #2] products here.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever.”

Me: “Will that be all for you, sir?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And can I have a name for the order?”

Customer: *glaring at me again* “Why do you need my name?!”

Me: “It’s just so we can find you with your food.”

Customer: *rolling his eyes* “Yeah, whatever. It’s [Customer].”

(At that moment, my coworker from before walks past, and this guy gives him the most horrible death glare ever. I am already impatient with this guy, but I have to deal with him since our restaurant is known for our customer service.)

Customer: *glaring at my coworker* “Tell that man not to talk to me.”

Me: “Have you experienced a problem with him?”

Customer: “I came here yesterday and all he did was talk to me. I hate it when people talk to me! Like, seriously, can’t people just shut up?”

Me: “All right, sir. I will make sure he knows. Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “People can just be so annoying sometimes. It’s like, I just want to eat, so stop interrupting me!”

(He literally goes on like this for at LEAST ten minutes, and I am just trying to get him to pay and leave.)

Customer: “Do you ever get it where someone just doesn’t shut up?”

Me:I sure do, sir! All right, your total is $6.37. Here is your table marker, and once you swipe your card, you are all set to go. Have a wonderful day!”

Coworker #2: “You forgot to give him his receipt, sauces, beverage—”

Me: “I know, [Coworker #2]; let me live a little!”

Five Quatloos

, , , , , | Right | December 28, 2017

(A customer is leaning against the wall at the top of the escalator when I come upstairs.)

Customer: “Hey, are you a manager?”

Me: “Yes. What can I do for you?”

Customer: *looking down at phone* “How long will it be?”

Me: “How long will it be for what?”

Customer: *still looking at phone* “I just want to know how long it will be.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

Customer: “Just… how long?”

(I try to glance at his screen, to see if he is referring to something on it. He snatches the phone away, shooting me a dirty look.)

Customer: “You don’t have to be a b****. You should know how long it will be.”

Me: “Five.”

Customer: “Five? Okay, thanks.” *he leaves*

Coworker: “Five what?”

Me: “I have no idea; I just wanted to get rid of him.”

Talking Out Of Their Perineum

, , , , | Working | December 27, 2017

(We have a productivity seminar at work. We are being taken through some breathing exercises to relieve stress.)

Trainer: “Okay, and while focusing on your breaths, I want you to release your guiche.”

(We all look around confused, and ask if she has the right term. She says she is correct, and urges us to RELEASE THE GUICHE, with gusto.)

Colleague: “Umm, I had my guiche pierced last week, so I don’t think I can just yet.”

(The trainer blushed and we broke for lunch shortly after. The trainer never came back and all other seminars were cancelled. We all learned a little too much from [Colleague] that day.)

Customers Are Even Quicker To Be Offended

, , , | Right | December 26, 2017

(The store is really busy around Christmas time, and there is a large line on both of the store’s tills.)

Customer: *poking head through door* “Do you guys sell [very specialised item]?”

Manager: *whilst serving customers* “Sorry, sir, we don’t sell those, unfortunately.”

Customer: *shouting* “It seems like shopkeepers these days are very quick to tell you to f*** off.” *storms out*

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