Time For You To Go-gurt

, , , , , , | Working | February 28, 2018

(I work at a large retail and grocery store. One day, our entire refrigeration unit breaks down completely and the whole store’s stock of refrigerated and frozen items has to be thrown away. I’m outside all day — a very warm day at that — by a dumpster with several coworkers and a manager, processing and disposing of the spoiled items. Later that night, it’s just myself and the manager left, when a car pulls up to the dumpster. One of the coworkers that had been with us earlier gets out of the car and hops in the dumpster.)

Coworker: “I think I dropped my keys in in here earlier.”

(My manager and I watch the coworker as he piles several large containers of yogurt on the side of the dumpster. Another person jumps out of the car and grabs the yogurt.)

Manager #1: “[Coworker], what are you doing?”

Coworker: “My keys are in there; don’t worry about it.”

([Coworker] gets in the truck and drives off as [Manager #1] and I stare at each other in disbelief.)

Manager #1: *over the radio* “Uh… Hey, [Manager #2], can you come outside to the disposal area, please?”

([Manager #2] arrives and we explain the situation to her.)

Manager #2: “Wait, he was stealing yogurt that had certainly gone bad and you didn’t stop him?”

Manager #1: “We’re not asset protection. Policy doesn’t allow us to intervene, only observe and report; you know this.”

Manager #2: *sigh* “Yes, you’re right. Let me go get [Coworker]’s number and I’ll call him.

(Later, [Manager #2] tells me the phone conversation went as follows.)

Manager #2: “So, my associates are telling me that you took yogurt out of the dumpster earlier tonight. Is that true?”

Coworker: “Well, yeah, you had already thrown it out, anyway. My dad wanted some, and I figured it was okay.”

Manager #2: “What the heck are you thinking?! First off, throw that yogurt out. It sat outside all day on a warm day; there’s no way it’s anywhere close to edible. You’re going to make your father very sick!”

Coworker: “Oh… Really?”

Manager #2: “Yes, really! Secondly, until the product has been removed from the property by the proper disposal services, it’s still technically theft. By policy, I have no choice but to treat it as such.”

Coworker: “Um… Do I still have a job?”

Manager #2: “Probably not. Honestly, I don’t even know if I can even let you back in the building at this point.”

Coworker: “Aw, man.”

(Unsurprisingly, [Coworker] was fired the next day upon showing up for his shift. The story quickly spread around the store, and a few of us joked for a while about hoping to find car keys hidden away in cups of yogurt.)

The Demon Owls Of South Carolina

, , , , | Related | February 26, 2018

(My grandmother and I are sitting in a hotel room when all of a sudden she grabs the Bible out of the drawer and chucks it at the window.)

Grandmother: “The power of Jesus compels you to leave!” *looks perplexed* “Oh, false alarm.”

Me: *startled* “What the heck did you do that for?”

Grandmother: “I thought I saw a demon looking in the window from the tree, but then it flew away and I realized it was just an owl.”

(She then went back to silently reading a travel brochure. I have the weirdest grandma ever, and I’m proud of that.)

It’s A Hassle To Do As You’re Told

, , , , , | Right | February 25, 2018

(I work in the footwear department at a store. One day, while I am stocking the shelves, a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Can you help me find something?”

Me: “Absolutely! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have [Work Boots] in a size 9?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we no longer have those in stock. Would you like me to check online for you?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(The customer and I walk to the nearest computer terminal and do a quick web search. We find the work boots pretty quickly.)

Me: “All right, sir, would you like to place an order for these work boots?”

Customer: “Stop hassling me!”

Me: *caught off guard by his sudden change in attitude* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *slowly* “Stop hassling me.”

Me: “I’m not trying to hassle you, sir. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. Does this mean you don’t want the boots?”

Customer: “I would have ordered them if you hadn’t just hassled me!” *walks out*

Setting Precedent For The President

, , , , , | Right | February 25, 2018

(I used to work at a call center that was contracted with a health insurance company. As you can imagine, I got a lot of “interesting” phone calls. This is probably one of the more unusual calls I ever took.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Insurance Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *with a thick Southern accent* “Yeah, can I please talk to the president of [Insurance Company]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m unable to connect you with the president of [Insurance Company].”

Customer: “Why? Is he too busy with his coffee break to speak to me? Do you even know who I am?”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I have no way to transfer you to our corporate office.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just silly. Is there anyone there I can talk to?”

Me: “I would be happy to assist you today, ma’am. How can I help—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “No, I don’t want to speak to you. You’re being uncooperative. Can I talk to the president of [Insurance Company], please?”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but as I said before, customer service does not have the direct number to [Insurance Company]’s corporate office.”

Customer: “Then let me speak to your manager.”

Me: “All right, I’ll be right back with him.”

(By this point, I’m getting a little frustrated. I grab my manager, and he hooks up my headset to his headset so that I can listen to the conversation. It’s a common practice where I work to observe and listen to a manager de-escalating an issue.)

Manager: “Thanks so much for holding. My name is [Manager] and I’m [My Name]’s manager. How can I help you?”

Customer: “GET ME THE PRESIDENT OF [Insurance Company] NOW!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. I can help you with whatever you need.”

Customer: *suddenly cheery* “Oh, all right!”

(For the remainder of the phone call, the customer was cheery and cooperative. Turns out she actually had a complicated billing issue that my manager had to send to another department for resolution. We still don’t know why she was so adamant to speak to the president of the company, though.)

Someone Needs To Invent A Sail-Thru

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2018

(I work the night shift in a fast food drive-thru. The lobby closes earlier, but the drive-thru stays open until two am during the summer. The manager has made it a policy that at night we avoid talking to walk-up customers, for safety reasons; they might be trying to steal something or stalk us. A customer stands next to the drive-thru speaker, walking back and forth between the speakers in our two-lane drive-thru.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], that guy has been standing there for a while now; should we say something?”

Manager: “We have signs saying we do not do walk-up orders. He will leave eventually.”

(I don’t argue with the manager’s decision to ignore him, and go back to doing dishes until I get a customer in a car. I take the order, but now the walk-up is standing outside the window, and since a car is coming, I don’t have much of a choice but to talk to him. I point to the sign on the window that says we do not take walk-up orders. The customer ignores it. I decide to open the window a crack so he can hear me.)

Me: “I am sorry, but we don’t accept walk-up customers for safety reasons.”

Customer: “Oh. Our boat won’t fit through your drive-thru.”

Me: *looking at the tall boat parked behind him* “I am sorry, but there is nothing we can do. I can’t go against company policy. Have a good night.”

(He leaves, and I take the next customer’s money. I go back to doing dishes, when I hear a notification that there is a car in the drive thru. I look, and then shake my head as I see his 14-foot-tall boat pulling up next to the sign that indicates the height of our 12-foot-tall drive-thru.)

Me: “[Manager], that’s not going to fit.” *I point to the screen that shows the cars*

Manager: “He isn’t even fitting in the lane. I am not going to answer him.”

Me: “I think you should at least tell him that he’s not going to fit, and that if he breaks the overhead roof he is going to have to pay for it.”

Manager: “No, he just needs to go.”

(Eventually he gives up… and pulls forward, trying to drag his big boat into the drive-thru. We both just watch the security monitor, shaking our heads and avoiding the windows as we watch him try and go through. He eventually stops because his boat is about to hit the roof. Then, we get another car. We are both wearing headsets, so I can hear the manager try and take the order.)

Manager: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may we help you?”

Customer #2: “Are we going to be able to get through?”

Manager: “I don’t know; I think this guy is stuck. I could try and take your order, but we might wind up having to call someone to get him out.”

Customer #2: “All right.” *places order*

Manager: “That will be [total] at the first window.”

([Customer #2] pulled up and boxed [Customer #1] in even more. I started laughing. We took two more orders after that. My coworker in grill, against protest, went outside and tried to talk to the guy. I didn’t hear what was said, but apparently the customer was pissed off and started yelling at my coworker, who went back inside. Eventually, the customer finally adjusted himself so that he was pulled up as close as he could get to the curb. He was able to squeeze his big boat through the drive-thru, and I was able to help the other customers and watch him go.)

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