My husband and I are both shy, non-confrontational people. A fabric and crafts store is having a good sale, and we’ve gone there to do some shopping and get some fabric. As we go along, we put the bolts that we’re going to get cut in our cart. The cutting table is in the middle of the store, and browsing the fabric racks takes us right past it where a fellow customer has been standing and chatting with the employee. She spots us and speaks up very loudly.

Customer: “You need to take a ticket to get fabric cut.”

Husband: “We’re still looking.”

Customer: “You need to get a ticket! You can’t get your fabric cut without a ticket!”

Me: “We’re not ready; we’re still looking around!”

I gesture around the store. She seems to think for a moment.

Customer: “Get a ticket! They’re right there!”

At this point, my husband and I realize she’s not going to get it and will keep yelling at us, and we both bolt, walking briskly in different directions away from the fabric counter. I’m safe, but my husband makes it to the end of an aisle with the cart and…

The woman appears around the end of the aisle where she has run to cut him off so she can yell at the top of her lungs.

Customer: “YOU DIDN’T GET A TICKET!”

Husband: “ARGH!”

He yelled in surprise, pushing past her and walking much faster to the other end of the store away from the cutting table.

Thankfully, at that point, the woman gave up on chasing either of us. We stayed over in the craft section until she finally left before we finished our fabric shopping, and then, yes, we got our ticket and waited our turn to get fabric cut.

My coworker and I are helping a dad and his kid in our store. The kid is a cute little boy, probably no older than seven.

They finally whittle their options down to two products. The boy wanders around the store holding them, while the dad, my coworker, and I stand around chatting, waiting for the kid to pick one. 

Eventually, the kid comes back up to the counter and all but smashes his face into one of the boxes. 

Dad: “What— No, you don’t need to do that! What are you doing?”

Kid: “I was trying to smell it!”

Dad: *Pauses* “Why were you trying to smell it?”

Kid: “I was trying to smell if it was sus!”

Dad: “…”

Coworker & Me: “…”

My coworker has a better straight face than I do, and I absolutely lose it.

Me: “You can smell sus?!“

Dad: *Sighs* “That’s a big word in our house recently. Everything is sus.”

Me: *When I finally stop laughing* “Kiddo, how… how do you smell sus?”

The kid, not fazed at all, shrugs.

Kid: “I dunno.”

The kid then walks over to the wall and starts shaking his leg around. 

Dad: “Okay, what are you doing now?“

Kid: “I’m trying to open the box!”

All Of Us: “No! You have to pay for it first!”

They ended up buying one of the boxes, leaving my coworker and me (and probably the dad) with one of the strangest interactions we’d ever had.

It was a pretty slow, boring day until the phone rang and my manager picked it up. I didn’t catch all of the conversation, but it went on for a while. I guess the person on the other end was getting aggressive or something because eventually, my manager said:

Manager: “I’m hanging up.”

The same person called — I’m not exaggerating — ten more times in the span of two minutes. I think they only stopped because my manager bit the bullet and answered the phone. As I was passing by, I heard this gem.

Manager: “Well, next time you come in, we’ll be sure to give you a pickle.”

Yes, you read that right. Apparently, this guy was freaking out because he didn’t get a pickle in his to-go order. “Don’t forget the pickle” became a running joke for a while after that.

My coworker is serving a customer. Suddenly, the customer shouts:

Customer: “I don’t have to show ID! I am the LORD!” *Storms out*

Coworker: “I don’t think the Lord would be trying to buy a can of chewing tobacco.”

I’m putting bagged lunchmeat in our grab-and-go section when a customer walks over and leans over me. When he speaks, it’s with a foreign accent I can’t place.

Customer: *Cheerfully* “Vegetable dip? It is not where it is supposed to be. Is it moved?”

He points toward the produce area. Deli and produce are two different areas with different workers, but since they do kind of bleed into each other, it’s not unusual for someone to ask a produce worker about something in the deli area or vice versa. I nod to a coworker that I’m going to the other department with the customer.

Me: “Let’s see if we can find it.”

I start to walk toward the produce area, just to have the customer charge right past me to another of the deli coolers.

Customer: “Maybe it is there?”

I completely blank at this point. My coworker gives me a confused look.

Me: “He’s not even listening…”

My brain starts to catch up, and I think maybe the customer is looking for spinach dip, which is something totally different than the produce vegetable dip, but at least, in that case, he’s headed in the right direction. I start to walk over just to have him charge toward me again.

Customer: “Not there!”

He finally followed me to the area where I thought the vegetable dip was. Right as I got there, I saw a produce worker stocking product. By the looks of things, he’d been there longer than the customer had been talking to me, meaning the customer had to pass him to talk to me. Since the worker would know more about the missing vegetable dip than I would, I handed the customer off and went back to the deli, just shaking my head at my now rather amused coworker. I didn’t see the customer again.