Existential Dilemmas
Me: “Hi, Ms. [Boss]’s office.”
Caller: “Hi, is Ms. [Boss] in today?”
Me: “No, sorry. She’s on vacation. Can I take a message?”
Caller: “Yes. Wait… are you an answering machine?”
Me: “Uh… no, ma’am.”
Caller: “Are you sure?!”
Please Don’t Feed The Customers
(I work on a dinner cruise. As I’m eating a handful of Goldfish crackers and I see a man yelling at me from the gangway.)
Customer: “Hey! Hey you!”
Me: “Yes?”
Customer: “What’s that you’re eating?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Are you eating NUTS?”
Me: “No, they’re Goldfish.”
Customer: “Oh okay. Can I have some?”
Me: “Are you serious?”
Customer: “Yea, I want some. I’m so hungry!”
Me: “There is food on the boat, sir. Just wait until you get on.”
Customer: “No, but I want what you’re eating–those nuts!”
Me: “Sir, it’s 11:00 at night, I’m working until 5:00 AM, and I’ve been here since 4:30 this afternoon. I have not eaten and will not eat for a while. So no, you cannot have my six Goldfish, as they are MINE.”
Customer: “That’s f***ed up. I can’t have some of that food in your hand?”
Me: “No. No, you can’t!”
This story is part of the Peculiar Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Weird And Funny Stories About The Strangest Customers Ever
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Read the Peculiar Customers roundup!
Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win, Part 2
Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Hi, yeah, someone from your company called me and they were being all friendly to me over the phone.”
Me: “Oh? Were they rude to you in any way?”
Caller: “No… it’s just… they were being all nice… and I don’t like it when people pretend to be my friend, like they know me!”
Me: “All right, but I don’t understand what the problem is with that.”
Caller: “…”
Me: “You know what, I’ll just go ahead and take you off our calling list, okay? You have a great day.”
Just Another Day In Bedrock
(Keep in mind, this customer comes in about ten times a day. He’s insane and you never know what you will get from this guy.)
Customer: “Yabba dabba.”
Me: “What?”
Customer: “Yabba dabba.”
Me: “Okay. That will be thirteen fifty.”
Customer: *hands me money* “Yabba dabba.”
Me: “You don’t say?”
Customer: *angrily* “Yabba dabba!”
Me: “Doo. Have a good day.”
Customer: *happy now* “YABBA DABBA!!!!” *leaves*
(He came back about two hours later, talking regularly like nothing happened.)
This story is part of the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!
Read the next Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup story!
Read the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!
Guilt Trip: FAIL
Customer: “Hey, you guys sell fish food and supplies, but do you have any fish?”
Me: “No, sorry, sir, we don’t sell pets.”
Customer: “Where do they sell pets?”
Me: “A pet store?”
Customer: “Is there one of those near here?”
Me: “Uhm, I really don’t know.”
Customer: “Will you take me to it?”
Me: “…no?”
Customer: “Sam Walton would take me to it!”
Me: “Sam Walton is dead.”