(One evening, an elderly Irish woman, complete with white hair, a cane, and a heavy accent, comes up to the photo counter to pick up some pictures she dropped off earlier.)

Customer: “I would like to have a discount on these photos I just printed. Can you give me five of the 20 for free?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we really can’t do that.”

Customer: “I’ll give you some perks.”

Me: “Perks?”

Customer: “Percs. You know… percs.”

(Customer reaches out to shake my hand and places three pills in it.)

Customer: “Those are good percs, I know you’ll like them!”

(I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir? ”

Customer: “Uh… uh… ”

(I then notice that he’s peeing on some of our boxwoods.)

Me: “What–”

Customer: “I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!” *zips up and runs out*

Coworker: “Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!”

Me: *drops watering hose* “I’m taking a break.”

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!

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Read the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I have your university user name?”

Caller: “What’s a user’s name?”

Me: “Oh… well, how are you affiliated with [University]?

Caller: “It’s what came up on my screen.”

Me: “Okay… well, I’m sorry, but this help desk is only for students, staff, and faculty of our university.”

Caller: “But the page said to call!”

Me: “Yes. If you’re in any way affiliated with us, we’d be happy to help you, but this service is for students, staff, and faculty.

Caller: “But it didn’t say that; it just said to call!”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but you can’t just call any number on the Internet and expect support!”

Caller: “Well, why not?!” *hangs up*

(After helping a middle-aged man find many CDs…)

Customer: “Thank you… what’s your name?”

Me: “Ryland.”

Customer: “Thank you for your help, Ryan!”

Me: “No, no. My name is Ryland.”

Customer: “Ryland? What the h*** kind of name is that? You better watch out, you’re going to get attacked one day!”

Customer: “Can you help me find the uh… uh…” *trails off*

Me: “The…”

Customer: “You know, the refrigerator stuff.”

Me: “Our refrigerators are–”

Customer: “No! The stuff that uh, you know, is…” *trails off again*

Me: “Ice cube trays? Mini fridges?”

Customer: “No, no. You know, like the stuff in the refrigerator… the stuff… like tea!”

Me: “You mean the food?”

Customer: “Yeah, the refrigerator stuff. The teas.”

Me: “Food is under the sign marked food, over on the other side of the store.”

Customer: “How do you know if food is in the refrigerator?”

Me: *gives up* “I have no idea.”