(I have just completed a survey with this man and am now asking him for his name, where he lives, age, etc.)

Me: “Okay, I just need to ask you a few questions about your demographics. ”

Man: “Well, would you like like my Earth information or my home planet information?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Man: “Well, like, for example: here on earth, I am 45, but on my home planet, I am 270.”

Me: *not sure if he is serious* “Well, I think that I will take your… Earth… information. It would be most relevant to us.”

Man: “Actually, I think I will give you both, just in case. That way, if you can’t get ahold of me here, you can try me at my home planet. ”

(The man proceeded to give me both sets of information, including his Earth name, Andrew, and his other name… Qinjax.)

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!

Read the next Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup story!

Read the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!

This story is part of the Peculiar Customers roundup!

Read the next Peculiar Customers roundup story!

Read the Peculiar Customers roundup!

Customer: “Excuse me, sir, where are the Exacto knives?”

Me: “They’re on aisle 24, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you, you do seem like someone who would know where the knives are.” *walks off*

Me: “…”

(This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison are THE biggest event of the year. My store has many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I am at my cash register for check-out when a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

(The customer puts down a wig, some make-up, pantyhose, condoms, and lube on my register.)

Me: “Okay.” *starts scanning*

Customer: “…”

Me: *still scanning*

Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!” *runs out*

Me: “?!”

This story is part of our Halloween roundup!

Read the next Halloween roundup story!

Read the Halloween roundup!

(We have a female customer who is a regular but definitely has some kind of mental issues. On every visit to our branch she also uses the safe deposit box.)

Customer: “Excuse me, there’s something wrong with my safe deposit box.”

Me: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. What is the problem so we can rectify it for you?”

Customer: “Every time I visit my safe deposit box I find things that I never put there. Someone has been taking things in and out of my box!”

Me: “I assure you that this is not possible because every box requires two keys in order to open. You have one side and the bank retains the other. Only you have the issued keys.”

Customer: “I know you are lying. I know you have a key that opens every box because one time a friend of mine gave me a key to the city and I went around opening all the doors.”

Me: “Okay… I’m going to have to refer you to my manager.”

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

12 Strange Stories About Weird, Odd, Bizarre, And Curious Customers!

Read the next Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup story!

Read the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!

(At a “compound” for a “New Age” cult, we needed to replace the pump in their well. In order to get our truck close enough to the well we had to have them move one of their vehicles.)

Me: “Excuse me, I’m going to need you to move that suburban over there.”

Lady: “Okay, no problem.”

(She goes outside and yells at one of her people working on the yard.)

Lady: “Jebediah, could you please get the keys and move the Starship?”

Jebediah: “Sure thing!”