(As I wait for a bus home, I notice a man going up to other people waiting and quickly moving on to the next person. I have only been at the bus stop for a few seconds when he approaches me.)

Man: “Have you got any change? I haven’t eaten in days.”

Me: “No, sorry. I haven’t got any change.”

Man: “So you don’t care. What a horrible person you are.”

(The man starts pacing back and forth, shooting me dirty looks each time he passes me and shouting abuse.)

Man: “Scumbag! Tramp! Evil! Scumbag, scumbag, scumbag!”

(Two minutes pass and, thankfully, my bus pulls up. As I hurriedly get on, the man gets right in my face for one last comment.)

Man: “I hope your bus crashes.”

(I work in a bookstore, and I swear people think people who work in said stores are like Google. Here is one example.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book by an author.”

Me: “Who is the author?”

Customer: “I don’t know. She’s from Alaska. Can you tell me?”

Me: “No… Uh, what books has she written?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “Um, is there anything else you can tell me?”

Customer: “She’s from Alaska. Don’t you know her?”

Me: *bangs head on desk*

In my store, at Christmas, each sales assistant is allowed to give out a Random Act of Kindness — basically a free product we slip into someone’s purchase as a little gesture if we’ve had a good consultation. I had a wonderful chat with a mother and daughter and helped the daughter pick out a face mask and a cleanser.

She also tried out a toner water and a moisturizer but decided they could come back another day for those. Because they were both so polite and lovely, I decided to give them the toner as a random act, put it behind the till, and went back to serving other customers.

A little later one of my coworkers approached and told me that the mother had found the act of kindness and asked my colleague if she could swap her — free! — toner water for the moisturizer, at nearly three times the price!

(At the pizza delivery place where I work, when customers order online, there is a system that shows them the progress of their order, from cooking to dispatch as we do it in the kitchen. It does this automatically, but occasionally, it stops working and needs someone to press a button to start it, but depending on how busy we are, we don’t always notice. It doesn’t affect the order but some customers seem to rely on it. One night, I get a call from our delivery driver who says he has a customer who won’t pay for her order.)

Driver: “She won’t accept the pizza; she says it’s not hers as hers hasn’t been made yet.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that the order the driver has in his hands is exactly what you ordered.”

Customer: “I’m telling you, my pizza hasn’t even been put into the oven yet!”

Me: “Ma’am, I cooked the pizza myself and boxed it and handed it to the driver who is at your door right now.”

Customer: “Now I know you’re lying! You didn’t say you had gone through quality control before you dispatched the pizza!”

Me: “Ma’am, please confirm what you ordered and what time you ordered it for me.”

Customer: “I ordered an XL deep-pan meat feast with extra cheese at 8:30 pm.”

Me: “And who did you speak to when you ordered the pizza?”

Customer: “No one. I did it online.”

Me: *suddenly catching on* “And do you have the progress screen on your computer now, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, and I can see you haven’t even started my order!”

(I check my screen and sure enough, the button to start the progress needs pushing. I push it and the computer rushes through each stage until it is marked as dispatched. This takes about ten seconds.)

Me: “If you look on your screen now, you’ll see I have expedited your order and it’s been dispatched to you. The driver has your pizza for you now, ma’am. We’re sorry about the delay.”

Customer: *takes pizza from driver* “That’s okay. I appreciate the quick delivery!”

(I find a box set video game from a well-known online marketplace that I have been after for a while. It recently went on sale, so I decide to treat myself. I live in a block of flats with a communal mailbox area, rather than each apartment having a letter box. This occasionally leads to delivery people putting post or packages into the mailbox that has the same number as the building — e.g. the building address is 111, and there is also an apartment 111 — so I always make a point to write in the notes which mailbox to use, even though it should be clear enough in the address. A few days later, on Friday, I get a notification saying it has been delivered, and when I get home I excitedly check my mailbox. Surprisingly — or maybe not so much — it isn’t there, so I peek through the mail slot of the other mailbox, and sure enough, I can see it in there. I text my neighbour, who agrees to pass it to me when they get home, but that won’t be until Monday. In the meantime, I call the customer service for the online marketplace.)

Agent: “[Online Marketplace], how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I ordered an item and it has been posted in my neighbour’s post box. He won’t be back until after the weekend, so I can’t get it. It wouldn’t have happened if the driver had just read the actual address, so I would like you to pass the message along.”

Agent: “So, I see it says the package was delivered, but you didn’t get it.”

Me: “Well, I sort of did. I just can’t physically reach it without breaking into my neighbour’s mailbox.”

Agent: “No problem. I will arrange a replacement to be sent out to you. You should get it tomorrow. I apologise for the inconvenience.”

Me: “What? No, you don’t need to do that! I just have to wait a few days, that’s all. I just wanted to pass along the message to stop it happening again.”

Agent: “Oh, no, ma’am, this is a clear failure to deliver as it was not delivered to you. I’ve already authorised the redeliver for you.”

Me: “Oh, well, then, how do I sent the other one back?”

Agent: “No need. It wasn’t delivered to your address, so the failure is ours.”

Me: “Okay… thanks?”

(I hung up, slightly baffled. The next day, I got my game as promised — they sent it overnight — and after the weekend, I got the original order from my neighbour. I was worried that if I tried to return the game they would refund me, so I just gave the spare game to a friend who had also been eyeing it!)