Are You A Charged Atom? Because I’ve Got My Ion You

, , , , , , | Learning | February 12, 2020

(I’m a student in an all-girls high school. One day, we get a university student who is supposed to teach us chemistry as part of his degree. After his lecture, he realises that most of us don’t understand the concept and tries to explain it better.)

Teacher: “Okay, so, the difference in covalent and dative bonding is basically this. For example, let’s say that you dated a classmate and the two of you went out for dinner. The two of you probably have the same amount of money, so you will split the cost equally. That’s covalent bonding. You get that?”

Class: “Uh-huh.”

(As he speaks, he draws a diagram of two atoms contributing one electron each to a covalent bond. He then draws another diagram where one low-electron atom receives two elections from a high-electron atom to form a dative bond.)

Teacher: “However, you could date a rich sugar daddy, instead, and he’ll pay the full cost of dinner for you. That’s dative bonding. You get that?”

(After we stopped laughing, we got the concept. He got chewed out by our regular chemistry teacher for his “inappropriate analogy,” but he certainly made our day.)

1 Thumbs

He Has No Change But Has Plenty Of Attitude

, , , , , | Friendly | February 8, 2020

(As I wait for a bus home, I notice a man going up to other people waiting and quickly moving on to the next person. I have only been at the bus stop for a few seconds when he approaches me.)

Man: “Have you got any change? I haven’t eaten in days.”

Me: “No, sorry. I haven’t got any change.”

Man: “So you don’t care. What a horrible person you are.”

(The man starts pacing back and forth, shooting me dirty looks each time he passes me and shouting abuse.)

Man: “Scumbag! Tramp! Evil! Scumbag, scumbag, scumbag!”

(Two minutes pass and, thankfully, my bus pulls up. As I hurriedly get on, the man gets right in my face for one last comment.)

Man: “I hope your bus crashes.”

1 Thumbs

Send Them Sarah Palin’s Autobiography And Be Done With It

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2020

(I work in a bookstore, and I swear people think people who work in said stores are like Google. Here is one example.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book by an author.”

Me: “Who is the author?”

Customer: “I don’t know. She’s from Alaska. Can you tell me?”

Me: “No… Uh, what books has she written?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “Um, is there anything else you can tell me?”

Customer: “She’s from Alaska. Don’t you know her?”

Me: *bangs head on desk*

1 Thumbs

Setting The Tone(r) For The Holidays

, , , , , | Right | December 23, 2019

In my store, at Christmas, each sales assistant is allowed to give out a Random Act of Kindness — basically a free product we slip into someone’s purchase as a little gesture if we’ve had a good consultation. I had a wonderful chat with a mother and daughter and helped the daughter pick out a face mask and a cleanser.

She also tried out a toner water and a moisturizer but decided they could come back another day for those. Because they were both so polite and lovely, I decided to give them the toner as a random act, put it behind the till, and went back to serving other customers.

A little later one of my coworkers approached and told me that the mother had found the act of kindness and asked my colleague if she could swap her — free! — toner water for the moisturizer, at nearly three times the price!

1 Thumbs

Making Progress In Making Her Understand

, , , , , | Right | November 21, 2019

(At the pizza delivery place where I work, when customers order online, there is a system that shows them the progress of their order, from cooking to dispatch as we do it in the kitchen. It does this automatically, but occasionally, it stops working and needs someone to press a button to start it, but depending on how busy we are, we don’t always notice. It doesn’t affect the order but some customers seem to rely on it. One night, I get a call from our delivery driver who says he has a customer who won’t pay for her order.)

Driver: “She won’t accept the pizza; she says it’s not hers as hers hasn’t been made yet.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that the order the driver has in his hands is exactly what you ordered.”

Customer: “I’m telling you, my pizza hasn’t even been put into the oven yet!”

Me: “Ma’am, I cooked the pizza myself and boxed it and handed it to the driver who is at your door right now.”

Customer: “Now I know you’re lying! You didn’t say you had gone through quality control before you dispatched the pizza!”

Me: “Ma’am, please confirm what you ordered and what time you ordered it for me.”

Customer: “I ordered an XL deep-pan meat feast with extra cheese at 8:30 pm.”

Me: “And who did you speak to when you ordered the pizza?”

Customer: “No one. I did it online.”

Me: *suddenly catching on* “And do you have the progress screen on your computer now, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, and I can see you haven’t even started my order!”

(I check my screen and sure enough, the button to start the progress needs pushing. I push it and the computer rushes through each stage until it is marked as dispatched. This takes about ten seconds.)

Me: “If you look on your screen now, you’ll see I have expedited your order and it’s been dispatched to you. The driver has your pizza for you now, ma’am. We’re sorry about the delay.”

Customer: *takes pizza from driver* “That’s okay. I appreciate the quick delivery!”

1 Thumbs