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Just Call Me Jon Snow

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: patrickseastarslegs | May 16, 2022

Where I work, I deal in phone and Wi-Fi plans. A couple of days ago, a guy came in asking for a number to be ported to his SIM card.

Me: “What’s the number?”

Customer: “It’s my mom’s. I’ll go get her.”

He came back and his mother gave me her number to port. Turns out it was ported already.

We have different SIM cards; red is top up and blue is bill pay. She had a red. Now the fun began.

Mother: “So, if I call him, it can show up with my number?”

I nod and check her credit. It’s at zero with no top-up plans on. I explain this and she snaps.

Mother: “Um, no? It’s on a bill. This is a bill. The person I talked to online sent me this.”

Me: “Then they sent you the wrong one. That’s to top up. Want me to top it up?”

Mother: “Get me someone else. You know nothing. You clearly know nothing!”

Me: “There’s nobody else here, but I know that that isn’t for a bill.”

Mother: “I want to talk to someone else. I don’t care that nobody else is here. Make them be here because you’re incompetent. You gave me the wrong thing!”

Me: “Sorry, but I am the only. One. Here. We didn’t give you the wrong thing. You’ll have to call the helpline or talk to someone online because I can’t do anything else for you.”

She simply scoffed and stormed out.

A Monthly Payment Plan To Hate

, , , , , | Right | April 11, 2022

I work for a retail software company and am in charge of billing for all of our customers.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to give you new credit card information to pay my stupid bill to your stupid company.”

Me: “All right, I can certainly help with that today! What’s the store name or customer ID?”

Customer: “[Store].”

I verify her on the account.

Me: “Okay, I’ve got your account pulled up and am ready for the new card number!”

Customer: “I hate that I have to pay you guys.” *Gives her card number*

Me: “Okay, and the expiration?”

Customer: *Gives the expiration* “I cannot wait until I can cancel this stupid service!”

We have an anytime cancellation policy; there are no contracts whatsoever and she could literally cancel any time she wanted to. This is stated on every agreement that our customers sign before services are provided.

Me: “And the card security code?”

Customer: *Gives the security code* “You know, I wouldn’t recommend your company to anyone, even at the point of a gun! Well, okay, maybe at the point of a gun, but that’s it!

I am trying VERY hard not to laugh.

Me: “All right, the last thing I need is the zip code, please.”

She gives me the zip code.

Me: “Okay—”

Customer:No, it’s not okay, but whatever!

Me: “I’ve processed your payment, ma’am. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Customer:Yeah! You can do this for me! Imagine that you are stuck in a room that is painted the most horrible, awful color you can imagine, and you have to pay for that awful room every month and you can’t ever leave. So you can just think about that for the rest of your day today!”

Me: *Pauses* “All right, ma’am, well, thank you for calling in and—”

Customer: “Don’t thank me! Don’t pretend you liked talking to me! Oh, whatever, you’re just reading from a script anyway!” *Click*

I promptly burst out laughing as soon as the call ended. We do not use scripts and I was genuinely thankful for her call. She may have said she hated us every other sentence, but she still paid her bill and gave me all the details I needed while also providing some entertainment, which is more than can be said for most callers!

We Wonder If They Have Similar Discussions With The Electric Company

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2022

Client: “Why have you taken my website down? I demand you put it back immediately!”

Me: “You didn’t pay your January invoice, and although I explained very clearly the consequences of that non-payment, you still refused, so the website is now offline.”

Client: “But it’s February now, so put it back online at once.”

Me: “Well, you are refusing to pay the February invoice, too, so I’m afraid that’s not possible.”

Client: “Are we going to go through this charade every month?”

Me: “I honestly hope not.”

If You Want It, You’re Gonna Pay For It

, , , , , , | Right | March 16, 2022

I was a customer service representative in the billing department for a TV provider. I would get dirty old men calling after a certain hour asking me to read the titles of the movies playing on the adult channels.

To my credit, I would often turn it into them paying for a three-hour block of unlimited access to the adult channels, which was a sale we were rewarded for!

Acting Like Children About Children’s Accounts

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: redacted-username- | March 3, 2022

I don’t work at a conventional call center but rather a department of the university dedicated to the billing of the students. I’ve worked both the front and the call “pit,” so I’ve dealt with just about everything in the three years I’ve been working there.

Today, I am working the phone, and because billing just went out, we’ve gotten an influx of calls dealing with everything from incorrect billing to scholarship issues (which aren’t even our department).

A man calls asking for information about his son and daughter. This is fairly standard but requires something called proxy access. Once you turn eighteen and are legally an adult, you’re entitled to financial privacy. I look up both kids. I notice a couple of issues: namely, one kid doesn’t even have proxy set up, and the other does but didn’t check any boxes to be able to discuss anything anyway.

Me: “It appears that there is no available proxy access. I cannot discuss anything specific about either student’s account.”

Father: “I pay for everything. I’ve got all their passwords and usernames.”

Me: “I cannot verify any of that information. I need the passphrase for proxy to be able to discuss account specifics.”

Father: *Humorless laugh* “This is why [University] is going down the tubes. This is why no one is attending. It should just be common sense. What’s your name?”

Me: “My name is [My Name].”

Father: “All right… [My Name]…” *Said with extreme prejudice* “What can you tell me?”

Me: “Any nonspecific information which is applied to all students or is common knowledge.”

Father: *With sarcasm and contempt* “Fine, whatever. Well, I can see here my son’s account statement, but my daughter’s is not here. Why is that?”

I respond with several seconds of stunned silence. He’s asking for a receipt that is automatically generated that we have no control over.

Father: “I know it’s on the screen. Do I have to tell you how to do your job?”

At this point, I’ve decided that courtesy can take a backseat.

Me: “All right, sir, I’m a twenty-one-year-old student.”

I know you aren’t supposed to give age, but I am banking on the fact he is a grown-a** man acting like a brat, and this might put it in perspective.

Me: “I will be talked to with respect. I didn’t make you make payments. You are not entitled to information that is not your account. I can either discontinue this call because I have no reason to talk to you, or you can go on hold, and I can find what little information you are allowed to know.”

Father: *Quietly* “Okay.”

The rest of the call resulted in him being walked through how to get proxy setup.

I hung up on him when he started saying payment should equal access and didn’t give me a profuse apology for being a child.