A thirty-minute ambulance ride with three EMTs, one dose of steroids, and a nebulizer treatment (respiratory failure) resulted in a bill of over $1,500. Because I was on disability and only received about $800 a month, I just didn’t have it.

I called a couple of times to try to set up a payment plan, but no one ever called back, so it went to collections. I got the letter and saw that the collection agency had a specific phone line for setting up payments. 

Collector: “What kind of plan are you thinking of?”

Me: “I can pay about $100 a month.”

Collector: “Ma’am, are you aware of how much this bill is?”

Me: “Yes, I—”

Collector: “$100 a month will take you over a year to pay off.”

Me: “I know, but—”

Collector: “I’ll tell you what. We can set you up on four payments of—”

Me: “No. I can barely make this payment. I’m on disability. I only get $800 a month as it is.”

Collector: “Okay, so if you do $400 a month—”

I lost it.

Me: “Are you f****** kidding? Can you pay for everything in your life with $400 a month? I have to buy medications and food and—”

Collector: “Ma’am—”

Me: “I am offering $100 a month, and that is it.”

Collector: “I can’t approve that.”

Me: “Then find someone who can, or you won’t see a penny.”

Collector: “Hold on.”

I know it was rude. I know he was “just doing his job” and someone will undoubtedly say that I shouldn’t have taken the ambulance if I couldn’t afford it. Since the other option was dying, I took the ambulance.

After a few minutes, he returned to the line.

Collector: “I spoke with my supervisor. If you can make your first payment right now, we can approve $100 a month. But if you’re late once, the whole bill will be due. You will owe $100 by the fifteenth of every month.”

I get my payments on the tenth, so that worked.

Me: “Fine, thank you.”

It was a rough year, but with the help of my friends and family, I paid my debt in full.

My client is late on a payment. I send several PayPal invoices in hopes to collect payment, but they swear they’ve mailed payment.

Me: “What address did you send the payment to?”

Client: “I sent it to [address], as per your invoice.”

Me: “That’s Paypal’s corporate office.”

Caller: “I want to have my payment plan fee waived.”

Me: *After checking her details* “I’m afraid we can’t do that, ma’am.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “Your contract states that the fee cannot be waived.”

She hangs up.

She then calls back and asks the same thing of my coworker, who of course tells her no. She keeps calling back to see if someone else will say yes. Eventually, she reaches the head of the department.

Department Head: “No.”

Caller: “I want to speak with the boss.”

Department Head: “I am the boss. No.”

Caller: “Well, you’re a bad boss!”

Department Head: “Actually, by backing up my staff, the opposite is true.”

Caller: *Click*

We do planning for big events like weddings, conventions, etc. I receive a call from a client who has just been sent an itemized bill for a large wedding.

Client: “You’ve f****** overbilled me! I’m not paying this much!”

After she has called me every bad word in the English language, I am able to look up her bill. After going through it with her:

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I think I have found the mistake.”

Client: “I knew it! I’m gonna call your manager and—”

Me: “It looks like we underbilled you by $1,000. It seems there was a misplaced zero. I am terribly sorry this happened, and I can understand why you were so upset. I’ll just go through this bill one more time to ensure we haven’t underbilled you for any other items.

The silence on the other end of the line was so beautiful.

I work in the billing office at a university. I answer the phone.

Caller: “My son is a student there and just got a work-study job. I need to have your payroll department put the check in my name and send it to me.”

I’m hoping I’ve misunderstood him.

Me: “Do you mean his work-study job where he is the employee? As in his job paycheck?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Work-study is just like any other employment with respect to payment; the check goes to the employee.”

Caller: “No, the check needs to go to me. I’m paying for his school.”

Me: “Well, that’s something you will need to work out with him. The university needs to pay the employee in accordance with labor laws.”

Caller: *Yelling* “That is unacceptable! I am entitled to that money! The university is ripping me off! I’m paying for his school, so keeping any money he makes there from me is defrauding me!”

I put him through to my managers, and the call eventually reached the head of the department before he realized that no amount of stupidity and yelling would get him what he wanted.