Client: “That logo looks awesome, thanks! We’re going to go with that design.”

Me: “Great. I’ll put the high-res files on a CD and drop it off at your office this afternoon, and you can write me a cheque for payment.”

Client: “Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. We think that instead of ‘traditional’ payment, we would like to put you on the Barter System.”

Me: “But you agreed to my costs weeks ago.”

Client: “Wouldn’t you like a new TV, instead? We could get you one. Or maybe one of our other suppliers could fix your guttering or something?”

Me: “I already have a TV; a new one isn’t going to feed my family. I think I’ll take a cheque as agreed.”

Client: “But the Barter System has been around, like, forever. You scratch my back; I scratch yours.”

Me: “Maybe I should try this Barter System. Tell you what. Instead of paying me, you can come around to my house and cook me dinner every night for a month.”

Client: “…”

Me: “Hello?”

Client: “So, how much do I make the cheque out for?”

I used to be a funding supervisor at a call center. I didn’t supervise anyone, but when a customer would ask to speak to a supervisor regarding a funding issue, my team would get the call.

There is a particular fee that customers get when they haven’t completed a mandated annual security survey.

Caller: “I’m calling to complain about a fee I noticed on my statement. I don’t recognize it and I want an explanation! What is it and why is it on my statement?!”

I was able to explain to him what it was and how to get it removed, and I even agreed to a small refund for the fee for several months. That part of the call was fine and completely normal.

Me: “Is there anything else that I can help you with?”

Caller: *Yelling* “You hid that fee from me by putting it on my statement!”

I didn’t even bother trying to explain to him that we put it on his statement specifically so that he would see it and call to get it resolved. I guess he wore himself out after a few minutes because he finally told me that it wasn’t fair and hung up the call.

A thirty-minute ambulance ride with three EMTs, one dose of steroids, and a nebulizer treatment (respiratory failure) resulted in a bill of over $1,500. Because I was on disability and only received about $800 a month, I just didn’t have it.

I called a couple of times to try to set up a payment plan, but no one ever called back, so it went to collections. I got the letter and saw that the collection agency had a specific phone line for setting up payments. 

Collector: “What kind of plan are you thinking of?”

Me: “I can pay about $100 a month.”

Collector: “Ma’am, are you aware of how much this bill is?”

Me: “Yes, I—”

Collector: “$100 a month will take you over a year to pay off.”

Me: “I know, but—”

Collector: “I’ll tell you what. We can set you up on four payments of—”

Me: “No. I can barely make this payment. I’m on disability. I only get $800 a month as it is.”

Collector: “Okay, so if you do $400 a month—”

I lost it.

Me: “Are you f****** kidding? Can you pay for everything in your life with $400 a month? I have to buy medications and food and—”

Collector: “Ma’am—”

Me: “I am offering $100 a month, and that is it.”

Collector: “I can’t approve that.”

Me: “Then find someone who can, or you won’t see a penny.”

Collector: “Hold on.”

I know it was rude. I know he was “just doing his job” and someone will undoubtedly say that I shouldn’t have taken the ambulance if I couldn’t afford it. Since the other option was dying, I took the ambulance.

After a few minutes, he returned to the line.

Collector: “I spoke with my supervisor. If you can make your first payment right now, we can approve $100 a month. But if you’re late once, the whole bill will be due. You will owe $100 by the fifteenth of every month.”

I get my payments on the tenth, so that worked.

Me: “Fine, thank you.”

It was a rough year, but with the help of my friends and family, I paid my debt in full.

My client is late on a payment. I send several PayPal invoices in hopes to collect payment, but they swear they’ve mailed payment.

Me: “What address did you send the payment to?”

Client: “I sent it to [address], as per your invoice.”

Me: “That’s Paypal’s corporate office.”

Caller: “I want to have my payment plan fee waived.”

Me: *After checking her details* “I’m afraid we can’t do that, ma’am.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “Your contract states that the fee cannot be waived.”

She hangs up.

She then calls back and asks the same thing of my coworker, who of course tells her no. She keeps calling back to see if someone else will say yes. Eventually, she reaches the head of the department.

Department Head: “No.”

Caller: “I want to speak with the boss.”

Department Head: “I am the boss. No.”

Caller: “Well, you’re a bad boss!”

Department Head: “Actually, by backing up my staff, the opposite is true.”

Caller: *Click*