Not Being A Sexist A**: That’s The Ticket

, , , | Right | March 1, 2019

(I work in a bank. We have a system where each client takes a ticket as they come in, which needs to be scanned when they reach the front desk. It is mostly used to record waiting times but is a requirement to do banking with us, as our system doesn’t allow us to access client accounts without first scanning a ticket. There are workarounds, but generally, we aren’t allowed to use them. The average wait time at the moment is fifteen minutes. I finish with one client and a gentleman approaches my desk immediately after.)

Me: “Hello. Could I have your ticket, please?”

Gentleman: “I need to cash this cheque, please.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. Could I please have your ticket?”

Gentleman: “I didn’t get one. Can you hurry? I need this cheque cashed.”

(Before I can say anything else, he turns to the man being helped by my colleague and mutters, “Women,” in an unimpressed tone. I take an instant dislike to it.)

Me: “Actually, sir, you need a ticket in order to continue.”

Gentleman: “No, you don’t.”

Me: “Yes, I do. In order to access the computer, a ticket first needs to be scanned.”

Gentleman: “Listen, sweetheart. You must be new. You can work around the ticket lock. The manager does it all the time.”

Me: “I am aware of that, sir. However, as this is the second time you have spoken out of turn in relation to my gender, I have decided not to make that exception for you. You will need a ticket to continue.”

Gentleman: “Oh, really? I’ll just get this young man to help me once my good friend here has finished.”

Colleague: “No ticket, no service.”

(He blushes, but reluctantly takes a ticket and waits in line. Fifteen minutes later, he returns.)

Gentleman: *throwing the ticket and cheque at me* “Money. Now.”

Me: “Of course.”

(I cash his cheque.)

Gentleman: “I also want something extra for making me wait twice as long.”

Me: “I wasn’t the one who neglected to take a ticket.”

Gentleman: “You’re just angry at me because I’m a man who refuses to cower beneath your lesbian feminism.”

Me: “Well, you have certainly lost any chance of getting something ‘extra’ from me.”

Gentleman: “I don’t need a woman to give me extra. I can get a man… umm, manager. Get me the manager.”

(I call the manager.)

Manager: *before I can speak* “The guy’s an a**. He jumped in front of a pregnant woman the second he came through the door. Call security if he gets hostile.”

Me: *smiling* “The manager isn’t interested in taking your request, and would like you to please leave.”

(To my surprise, he didn’t become aggressive. He just took a step back, stared at me for a short while, and left. I haven’t seen him since.)

A Time Warp To A Less Tolerant Time

, , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(We are having a midnight showing of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” As you would expect, we get quite a lot of lovely characters turning up. Another movie has just ended and people are leaving. One woman runs up to me screaming.)


Me: “Sorry, madam, but could you please control your language? There is a showing of Rocky Horror, and some fans are quite committed.”

Woman: “It’s disgusting. You should be ashamed, letting so many homos into such a respectable establishment. I watched Passion of the Christ here just last week! REPENT!”

(She then ran out of the theater, screaming Bible verses to confused onlookers.)

Directions Needed To Get To Modern Times

, , , , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(I have been on the call with a client for about half an hour, going over some information prior to his appointment. He has asked me to give him directions to our offices, but refuses to tell me where he is. After a few minutes of back and forth, my manager signals me.)

Me: “Um, do you mind if I put you on speaker? My manager believes he might be able to help.”

Client: “Yes, please. Thank God — a man who will be able to give directions.”

(I put him on speaker.)

Manager: “You just need to take a left, and then it’s the third right.”

Client: “THANK YOU!”

(I look at him confused, but he motions to keep quiet. The client asks about a roundabout, and my manager says to take the second exit. After about a minute the client speaks again.)


Manager: *laughing* “Yup, that sounds like exactly where you need to be. Good luck!” *ends the call* “I don’t think that could have ended better.”

Me: “How did you know where he was?”

Manager: “I don’t, and I never will now.”

An Inside Look Into The Gay Agenda And… Ooh! Popcorn!

, , , , | Right | February 27, 2019

(I work in a movie theatre. A customer approaches the kiosk.)

Me: “Hello. Can I get you anything?”

Customer: “A large popcorn, please.” *as I’m filling a box* “It’s very pretty in here. Is it always like this?”

Me: “Oh, no. Two of our managers just got engaged to each other, and seeing as it’s Pride Month, we decided to celebrate a little.”

Customer: “Oh!” *looks around* “So, this is what it’s like to be inside the Gay Agenda. It’s very colourful.”

(He then left the kiosk and walked into his screening, while I stood there shouting, asking if she still wanted his popcorn.)

Desensitized To Violence

, , , , , , | Learning | February 25, 2019

(I’m taking a class on the history of animation. One of our assignments is to go to the library where there is a video reserved for the class to watch in our off time, featuring various old theatrical cartoons that were banned from television for various reasons, mostly due to being politically incorrect. After this, we have to write a paper on it. On the day that the assignment is due, we end up having an in-class discussion on the cartoons that we saw. One cartoon, in particular, looks like it came out either in the late 1920s or early 30s, and everyone keeps talking about the beginning that had a rather blatant Jewish stereotype.)

Me: “Wait a minute. So, we’re discussing a cartoon that ended with piles of dead bodies, many of which were dismembered, and there was even an on-screen decapitation, but the part everyone here is hung up on is the Jewish stereotype that was on screen for about three seconds?”

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