No Pride In Her Daughter

, , , , , , | | Related | July 10, 2019

I am a non-binary lesbian and have more or less known this since I was 15, but I did not formally come out to my mother until a few months ago. When I first tried to come out to her, she’d become aggressive and angry. Later, as she mellowed out, she would frequently tell me that she loves me no matter what, but that if I changed my mind about liking girls then she’d be okay with that. If I tried to tell her how much that backhanded “support” hurt me, she’d yell at me and say I was trying to hurt her feelings. I decided not to tell her anything.

Things got better after I transferred to a school in another state. For three years, I lived on my own, became a lot more secure in my identity, and met a lot of friends who were unconditionally supportive. Last year, I moved back in with my mom for a new job that had a very supportive and progressive environment. I felt safe enough to come out on the first day, and with the exception of a few minor slip-ups, everyone from my teammates to upper management had no problem referring to me in gender-neutral terms. It made it that much more difficult to come home every night and pretend to be something else around my family.

One day, my mom and I had a huge fight. I wrote her a letter outlining my side of the issue, which included my frustration over the fact that she knew I was gay and yet insisted that I date men and acted disgusted any time I expressed even casual interest in a woman. After she read the letter, we had a talk in which I explicitly stated that I am gay and will never want to date men. She said that she doesn’t want me to be gay because she knows that will make life harder for me, but she supports me no matter what.

Fast forward to last week. I went on a few dates with a girl I’d met on Tinder and we had just made it official. When I told my mom, she reacted with disinterest and told me that I should be dating someone who was going to college and had ambition, someone who wasn’t “below” me, despite never having met my girlfriend. I didn’t want to start an argument, so I brushed it off.

The next day, I was talking to my younger sister, and she told me that she was upset that I hadn’t told her about my girlfriend. It turned out that my mom had outed me to my sister without consulting me. My sister was more supportive than I thought she would be, but it was still completely inappropriate that my mom outed me without my permission.

Last weekend, we attended the wedding of a close family member. During the reception, my 21-year-old sister was having a friendly chat with the best man, who was around 30 years old. My mom pointed out to me that they were getting awfully friendly, and I reminded her that he’s at least a decade older than her. Her response: “So?” That annoyed me, because just the week before, my mom gave me flack because my girlfriend is three years younger than me, though we’re both in our 20s.

Then, she really slapped the cherry on top of the nosy-mom cake: she said that the best man could also be a good match for me. I was furious, not just because she knew that I have a girlfriend, but we’d had a really great conversation about the letter I’d written and I had told her in completely unquestionable terms that I am a lesbian and will never want to date men. When I pointed this out, she’d just laughed it off. I want to think it’s just because she was a bit drunk, but you know what they say about sober thoughts.

Today, I happened to go to her Facebook profile — I have her muted so she never comes up on my timeline — and noticed that she’d put a “Love is Love” filter on her profile photo for Pride month. I’m upset but not surprised that she would show her “support” for social media brownie points while she doesn’t extend the same to her gay child.

When “That Never Happened” Never Happened

, , , , , , , | | Right | July 8, 2019

(I work at an extremely well-known big box retailer known for having virtually everything and a very lenient price-matching policy. However, if I am told a price that I think is incorrect, I am allowed to ask what store it’s from and make sure it’s not ludicrous.)

Me: *preparing to scan an item*

Customer: “…and that’s [price that seems too low].”

Me: “Okay, sir, and which store is that from?”

Customer: “I don’t have to tell you that! The [Company] policy says I don’t have to tell you!”

Me: “Actually, sir, I can ask, and the store you are asking me to price match must be within 50 miles of this store.”

Customer: “No, it says in the policy I don’t have to, and I happen to know insider information about this kind of thing because my ex-wife is the store manager of one of these stores in New York, so you are wrong. I have the personal phone numbers of all sorts of people in the corporate office, and I can get anyone I want fired.”

(I go ahead and give him the price — it is busy and my supervisor has asked me to send someone home at another register — finish out his order, and give him his receipt while he continues to tell me his story.)

Customer: *becoming more smug by the moment* “Once, a cashier at another store, not here, wouldn’t honor the sign saying the pants I wanted to buy were $3 and told me I’d have to pay $15, and it was 3:00 in the morning, mind you, and I made her get her supervisor. Her supervisor told me that I couldn’t pay $3 for the pants and would have to pay $15, and I asked her if she was sure about that because there are laws in this country that require companies to have truth in advertising, and she said she was just doing her job. I told her I had the personal number of [Executive that does not actually exist], and I would be perfectly happy to call him, and I did, and he screamed at her on the phone and told her she’d be fired if she didn’t make me happy! Then she had the cashier change the price for me.”

Me: “Ah, yes… I—”

Customer: *positively gleeful* “Then, that manager told me I am a horrible person! And if you think that’s bad, when my wife was an assistant manager at a [Company] in California, her boss was a gay man who decided he hated women and sexually harassed my wife, and I called [Executive that doesn’t exist], and he not only fired that man and promoted my wife, he made that gay man unemployable in the state of California!”

(I was completely unable to figure out how to extricate myself from this conversation, which actually took over 15 minutes and nearly cost me my break, and in addition, the person I was supposed to relieve wound up being sent home by the supervisor because I couldn’t get away from this man. I found out later from a friend of mine that he comes in all the time and tries to pull that crap on people, and none of it is true.)

Reversing The Reverse Racism

, , , , , | | Working | July 5, 2019

(I work fast food. Normally, I open the store, but tonight I’m closing. I’m working with a Mexican man and a Somalian man. I don’t look it, but I’m a Native American woman. We are allowed to play our music in the back, as long as it isn’t too disruptive. I’m doing dishes, playing music on the little speakers, when the Somalian man comes and tries to turn it off without asking me. I stand up for myself, and this conversation ensues.)

Coworker: “You’re not letting me play my music because I’m black! You’re racist!”

Me: “Wow, really? Good job on being racist yourself.”

Coworker: “What? You can’t say I’m being racist! I read about this; there’s no such thing as reverse racism!”

Me: “While we’ll agree to disagree on that, you are, in fact, being racist. I’m Native, not white. You tried to judge me on my skin color. That’s racism. If you were doing dishes back here I wouldn’t care if you played whatever music you wanted. But you’re not. I am. I never play my music, so how about you suck it up for two more hours and deal with it, or grab a pair of headphones and listen to your own music?”

(That shut him up very quickly. And thankfully, the next night he realized he was being a jerk and apologized!)

Some Killa Manila Karma

, , , , | | Right | July 3, 2019

(I am in Manila, working tech support for an ISP in the United States. I pick up my next call on the queue.)

Me: *opening spiel* “…How may I help you today?”

Customer: *in an accent I shall refer to politely as a “Southern American English”* “Transfer me to someone in the United States.”

Me: “Are you having connection problems? I can—“

Customer: “Transfer me to someone in the United States.”

Me: “Sir—“

Customer: “I know you’re in the Philippines. Just because you f****** sound like me doesn’t change that. I want to talk to someone in the f******. United. States. I’m sick and tired of dealing with idiots over there in your f****** country.”

(My coworkers have college degrees and are, by no measure, idiots.)

Me: “Sir, are you sure? You want me to transfer you to our technical support department based in the United States?”

Customer: “YES! DO IT!”

Me: “Okay, sir. I’m going to transfer you to tech support down in Texas.”

(I punch in the numbers, but hold off on that last button.)

Me: “Thank you for calling, sir. Transferring you to right now.” *pushes transfer button*

(The tech support department in Texas only supports Spanish-speaking calls.)

Bigots Are Stupid But Assume Everyone Else Is  

, , , | | Related | July 3, 2019

(I’m explaining the tactics of a certain terrorist leader to my grandfather in the hopes that he’ll be less racist.)

Me: “It was genius, actually, the way he manipulated other countries into leaving and turned this into a very convenient America vs Daesh, us vs them, conflict. Then, how we made him a martyr. And every time one of our politicians rails against all Muslims, they gain more one more propaganda video. They know how to manipulate people. It’s why they’ve been so successful.”

Grandfather: “Are you a terrorist?”

Me: “WHAT?”

Grandfather: “Where did you learn this?! Are you listening to terrorists?!”

Me: *pulling up the PBS website on my phone* “No! I learned it from here!”

Grandfather: “Why would you compliment them?!”

Me: “Because pretending our enemy is dumb only helps them!”

Grandfather: *mutters about me being radicalized*