Welcome To Your Unfriendly Neighborhood Diner

, , , , , | Friendly | May 2, 2021

My family and I are visiting the USA for a family holiday. Before this trip, my sister and I have never been to North America before in our lives. We live in the UAE, which is located in the middle east. My family is biracial; my dad is German/Brazilian and my mum is Indian. Before the moustache model stole the swastika for his political party, it was used as a religious icon and still is; in fact, if you travel to most places in Asia, you might see it, not as a political sign but rather a spiritual one. As such, my mother has it as a necklace.

After some sightseeing, we hit the road, driving up to visit some family. Along the way, we stop at a diner chain to grab some food. The trip is during the FIFA World Cup, and my father is an avid supporter of his national team. Since we finally have some Wi-Fi, we are all preoccupied with various devices watching and downloading things for the remainder of the drive. During this Wi-Fi frenzy, a massive man who reeks of beer and is wearing a gun walks up to our table.

Man: “See, that’s the problem with your generation — always on their phones. Where are y’all from?”

We’ve already learned our lesson about telling people we come from Dubai because of a previous encounter.

Dad: “We’re from Germany. We’re visiting some family so we’re just getting things ready for the rest of the trip.”

Man: “Oh, y’all are from Germany. Isn’t that where them Nazis are from?”

At this point, the man notices my mum’s swastika necklace. He pulls out his gun and points it at my family.

Man: “How dare y’all come to the States spreading your Nazi bulls***?!”

My entire family held their hands up in fear as my sister and I started crying; a strange man holding a gun on you and your family can do that.

The cops were called and the man was arrested for assault. For the remainder of the trip, my mum didn’t wear her necklace.

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Names Changed To Protect The Nice Ones

, , , , , | Right | April 30, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m here to pick up an order.”

Silence.

Me: “Okay, who am I speaking to?”

Caller: “Jeff.”

It’s always a Jeff and we have many clients named Jeff. We have some nice Jeffs and some who are not so nice.

Me: “Jeff who?”

Caller: “Jeff. I ordered some hinges yesterday.”

Me: “Jeff, do you have an account with us?”

Caller: “No, I ordered soft-close hinges.”

Me: “Jeff, what is your last name so I can look up your order to see if it’s ready?”

Caller: “Look, you should know who I am. I called twice yesterday. I spoke to a man. Let me speak to a man.”

Me: “One second, sir.”

This could all have been prevented if the gentleman had introduced himself at the beginning of the phone call. Remember to do that when you call someone on the phone.

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Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 14

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2021

My friend and I (both female) are stuck in a cubicle farm on overnights, doing tier-two tech support for a cable company. As we are a small team with a useless supervisor, we tend to help each other when needed, so my ears perk up when I hear my friend struggling to finish a single sentence, getting cut off by the customer. She finally finishes the call.

Me: “What was that about?”

Friend: “Apparently, I can’t do tech support because I have boobs!”

Me: “Really? Well, good luck to him tonight!”

We laugh and go back to the queue. About twenty minutes later, guess who pings through my phone? I start my opening spiel.

Customer: “Oh, for f***’s sake. Are you the same b**** I talked to twenty minutes ago?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t believe I’ve had that pleasure this evening.”

My friend is now listening closely.

Customer: “Well, I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. Get me a g**d*** man on the line to fix this piece of s*** now!

Me: “I’m sorry, sir—”

Customer: “You’re not sorry!”

He starts an expletive-laden rant but I hang up.

Friend: “Same guy? Did you tell him we’re the only two on tonight?”

Me: “I didn’t get a chance to get a word in edgewise.”

Friend: “Let’s not, then!”

She drew up a sheet entitled “D**khead” and made two columns with our names, putting a stroke in each column. All night, we passed that sheet back and forth, each taking his calls as a break to read until he’d hang up again. We did try to help but he wouldn’t give us any information besides his name. In the end, she won, sixteen calls to my twelve. I bought her a coffee on the way home.

On my next shift, I checked his account out of curiosity. The notes from a male tech read, “Customer unable to connect. Power-cycled modem. Connection restored.” Over six hours of calling non-stop for a thirty-second fix.

Related:
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 13
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 12
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 11
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 10
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 9

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When You Have The Final Word With The Final Customer

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2021

It’s about ten o’clock at night. The staff have, by some miracle, managed to get so on top of things that even straightening the store is largely finished. I get someone in my line and my manager comes over to help bag. The customer asks me to check the price on a ceramic plate she found in clearance.

Me: “Ma’am, this plate will be seventy-five cen—”

Customer:Well! I don’t want that one; it’s chipped!

Me: “Okay, well, that’s no big. I can—”

Customer: “Are you going to make me stop unloading my groceries to go get another? Or do you think you can figure out how to send someone else?”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t even get to finish. I was about to say, ‘I can send my manager to get you another one.'”

Customer: “Oh! Well, good!”

I am now focused on getting her the heck out of my store because it has been going so well and I want my evening to be marred by only the tiniest blip of a rude customer.

Me: “Hey, [Awesome Manager], can you go grab another plate for her?”

That’s incognito speak for “PLEASE HURRY SO SHE DOESN’T EAT MY FACE!”

Awesome Manager: “Where’d you find this, ma’am, so I can get it for you quick—”

Customer: “It was at the back of the store! Why do I need to tell you where? This isn’t my store!

Awesome Manager: “I was just asking so I could find it fas—”

Customer:I don’t want an explanation!

Awesome Manager: “Excuse me. There’s no reason for you to be rude to me or my staff.”

Customer: “I don’t want— What did you just say to me?!

Awesome Manager: “I said, ‘There’s no reason for you to be rude to me or my staff.'”

Customer: “Well, I never! I want to speak with a manager! How dare you—”

Awesome Manager: “I am the manager. And I suggest you snap out of your nosedive if you don’t want to be banned from my store.”

She looks lost for all of two seconds. Then, she gets this snooty look on her face, leaves everything on the belt, sticks her nose up in the ceiling tiles, and walks away from my register and over to self-checkout. She turns to the coworker who’s working there and loudly demands to speak to the “person above that [insert racial slur for Awesome Manager].”

I just kind of lose a lungful of air, kind of impressed and appalled at the same time at how blatant she’s being about it. [Awesome Manager]’s expression darkens but he says nothing.

[Coworker]’s eyes just widen, and they meekly call the store manager, who comes down.

The racist goes on a rant about how we were “undermining her authority”  — What? — and about how RUDE [Awesome Manager] was and about how I was a b****. The store manager is kind of just nodding along but is clearly not buying it. He has her rung out by [Coworker] and sends her on her way.

The store manager then asks us all what really happened, makes a disgusted face at the slur, and turns to go back to the office. The phone rings and the store manager picks it up. His expression says he has a suspicion about who it is. Yep. It’s the racist.

Customer: “I’m calling to make sure those employees have been fired!”

Store Manager: “I don’t fire good employees on a bad customer’s say-so. Don’t come back to my store. You’re not welcome.”

He hung up on her, cutting off the enraged squawk, and returned to his order. I must say, the rest of the evening was quite pleasant!


This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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Fostering Some Growth In Your Classmates

, , , , , , | Learning | April 27, 2021

This happened in the mid-1980s. My state had just declared that only straight people could now foster children and I was one of many protesting this new policy. I was also getting an education degree. One of my teachers had us form small groups and choose an issue in the news about children or education to present on at the end of the quarter. I ended up in a group of about five people I didn’t know. I suggested the foster care topic and everyone agreed.

Our first meeting was in a restaurant. One of my fellow group members, [Student], was a bit older than the rest of us and brought along his eight-year-old daughter. He didn’t see the problem with the policy change.

Student: “I mean, I wouldn’t want a gay person babysitting my daughter.”

Me: “Oh. So, you wouldn’t want me to babysit her?”

Student: “What? No. You could babysit her. I just don’t want a gay person to.”

Me: “I see. So, I couldn’t watch her.”

Student: “I’d be happy to have you watch her. I just don’t want her around gay people.”

This continued back and forth a few times and he was completely clueless. The other students were trying not to laugh.  

Over the next month or two, we kept meeting and [Student] was always polite but still homophobic and opposed to gay foster parents. It didn’t matter for the project as we were only giving a factual overview and then each presenting on our own sub-topics, so we didn’t have to agree. [Student] had been planning something about how terrible it was for children to be raised by parents who weren’t straight. Eventually, I came out to him formally. He was surprised and didn’t say much.

At our last meeting before the presentation, we went over each of our sub-topics as some had changed a bit.

Student #2: “So, [Student], what have you decided for yours?”

Student: “I’m going to talk about the psychological harm to children when they’re taken away from their loving gay foster parents.”

And so he did. It was perfect.


This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for April 2021!

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