(A man comes into the store. He’s covered in tattoos, sporting a buzz cut and a solid gold grill, and wearing a wife-beater. He comes up to me.)

Man: “Uh, yeah, do you guys have a KKK costume?”

Me: “No… no, we don’t.”

Man: “Oh, uh, do you know where I could get one?”

Me: *repulsed* “I guess you could make one, but you’re not going to find it in any store in town.”

(He walks off, but returns about five minutes later.)

Man: “Do you have a Lorena Bobbitt costume?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: *leaves*

Coworker: “Who the h*** would WANT one?!”

(I’m the electronics specialist at my store, and all electronic products go through me at some point before they are put out on the floor.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a video game for my son. Can you find someone to help me with that?”

Me: “Oh, sure. Which game system did you want it for?”

Customer: “Oh no, not you. Can you find someone else? ”

Me: “Well, there’s nobody else in this department right now who has access to the video games. It’s gonna have to be me.”

Customer: “I mean, you’re a GIRL. What do you know? I demand that someone with more… well, I want a guy to help me. I’ll wait.”

Me: “Sure… I’ll call someone to come over.”

(I call over my male co-worker on the walkie who arrives about ten minutes later. My coworker gives me a weird look.)

Coworker: “Okay… what did you need, sir?”

(The customer starts rattling off a ton of technical questions about the compatibility of certain games and accessories, as well as questions about the content of each game.)

Coworker: “Uhh… I don’t really know. You should ask her. She IS the Electronics Specialist…”

Customer: “WHAT?! HOW?! She’s… a… GIRL! Well, I still want you to help me.”

(My coworker and I follow this customer around for about twenty minutes as he asks questions to my coworker, who in turn asks ME. When I answer, the customer tunes out, so that my coworker has to repeat what I said.)

Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”

This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.

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(Keep in mind I’m gay, although it’s not too obvious.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Ice Cream Shop]. What can I help you out with today?”

Customer: “Hey there, I was wondering if I could have a raspberry sorbet in a sugar cone?”

Me: “Cool. That’s going to be $1.39.”

Customer: *seductive voice* “I was hoping you could lower the price for me. I’m a little low, if you know what I mean…”

(The customer unbuttons the top two buttons on her blouse and bites her lip at me.)

Me: “Ehhh. Sorry, ma’am. I can’t fall for that.”

Customer: “What’s the matter? A little shy?” *bounces her boobs in my face*

Me: “Because that’s not ethical, and I don’t like boobs.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “I’m gay.”

Customer: “Oh, my god! You’re sick! And you looked down my shirt, you pervert!”

Me: “You undid your shirt to get free ice cream!”

Customer: “Oh, my god, sickos like you are just… just SICK! All men are filthy dogs. All you think about are naked girls and sex! I’m calling your manager to tell him what gross, perverted employees he has!” *leaves*

Me: *to Coworker* “That… that wasn’t right, was it?”

Coworker: “You should put that on NotAlwaysRight.”

Me: “I think I will.”

(She never did call our manager.)

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Old Man: “Thank you. Is your family doing anything for the 4th of July?”

Me: “Not really. We’re Canadian so we may hold a BBQ on July 1st, which is Canada Day.”

Old Man: “WHAT? You’re not American? I thought all foreigners had to become American when they came to this country!”

Me: “No, sir, my family all has green cards, so we’re all still Canadian citizens.”

Old Man: “I’M SICK OF ALL YOU F****** ILLEGAL ALIENS TAKING ALL OUR F****** JOBS! AN AMERICAN BOY SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB!”

This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

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(A customer on crutches starts screaming racist epithets at her cashier.)

Disabled Customer: “You god-d*** n*****! You b****! How could you do that to me?! This is discrimination!”

Cashier: *totally shocked*

(I walk over right away. Keep in mind, I’m white.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you’re upset, but could you please watch your language? There are children here. Now, I’d be ha–”

Disabled Customer: “Y’all hate people with disabilities! F*** the children! And f*** you, you n*****! I’m calling corporate!”

Me: “If that’s what you want to do, ma’am, I can’t stop you.”

Disabled Customer: “D*** right you can’t, you black b****!”

(She suddenly throws down her “crutches” and very easily walks out of the store.)

Another Customer: “Wait, did she just call you black?”

(She did end up calling the corporate office, but it was dismissed because she kept calling the operator a sand monkey and saying that she was going to burn in h*** for stealing white people’s jobs. To do this day, whenever we get bored we play with her crutches in the back stock room.)

This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

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