Try Not To Get Any Impulse Illegal Workers At The Checkout

, , , , , | Right | November 27, 2017

(I just started working at a grocery store. My manager is working with me when an older lady comes through my line, looking impatient.)

Customer: “Why don’t you have all of the registers open?”

Me: “Well, some people need to take breaks, and to be honest, ma’am, we’re a little short-handed, here.”

Customer: “Can’t you hire any Mexicans?”

(I’m too shocked to answer for a moment, but my boss steps in:)

Manager: “We hire anyone.”

Customer: *flustered* “No, I mean—”

Manager: “I’m sure you’re not asking us violate the law so that you can have a faster checkout experience.”

(The customer went red and shut up for the rest of the transaction.)

You’ve Got To Cook Bacon To Bring Home The Bacon

, , , , , , | Working | November 27, 2017

(A new duty manager has started with us. We come in after an extended weekend to find the entire menu changed and half the stock missing.)

Me: *after checking the stock* “What the h*** is going on?”

Manager: “Who was here on Saturday?”

Duty Manager: “Hello! My, isn’t it a mess in here?!”

Manager: “[Duty Manager], do you know anything about this? Half the stock is missing.”

Duty Manager: “Oh, I came in yesterday and cleansed the menu. It’s shocking how little of it was kosher!”

Manager: “Kosher? But we aren’t a kosher restaurant.”

Duty Manager: “Well, you should be. I’m Jewish and you should be sensitive to my religious beliefs.”

Manager: “But, we already have kosher selections. Are you seriously expecting our customers to be sensitive to your beliefs as well? What about [My Name]? He’s Jewish and doesn’t have a problem with it.”

Duty Manager: “He’s probably just a convert. I have real blood in my veins.”

Me: “Well, not that your accusation isn’t insulting enough, but if we’re dealing with respecting beliefs, shouldn’t we only have halal on the menu, as well, because of [Colleague]?”

Duty Manager: “Oh, no. It’s only the Jews you have to care about, because of the Holocaust.”

Manager: “What?!”

Duty Manager: “We deserve something back.”

(We’re all stunned into silence for a moment.)

Me: “Well, I guess I’m owed twice then, because I’m Jewish and gay.”

Duty Manager: “See?! You aren’t a real Jew, because Jews can’t be gay.”

Manager: “I’ve had enough. In my office, now!”

(We were forced to close after that day for a week to restock, and the duty manager worked that shift refusing to leave the office. About £15,000 of food was lost because of her, which the owner decided to pay themselves to avoid any further complications when dealing with conflicts of religion. It was mutually agreed that the duty manager should simply leave. Today as I was walking to work I bumped into her, causing her bacon sandwich to spray across the ground. I stared in disbelief as she tried to pick up the remains. When she recognised me, she screamed, “IT’S HARD SOMETIMES!” before storming off.)

Mismanaged Your Attitude

, , , , , , , | Working | November 27, 2017

(I am cleaning up after having lunch. The staff room hasn’t been tidied since the morning, so I decide to have a quick run around.)

Coworker: *walking in* “What are you doing?”

Me: “Just cleaning. It hasn’t been touched since [Cleaner] left this morning.”

Coworker: *condescending* “Why should you be doing that?”

Me: “Why not?”

Coworker: “Because you’re a man!

(I turn and stare at him, expecting it to be a joke. He stares back until our manager, who is a woman, walks in, too.)

Coworker: *snapping his fingers* “[Manager]! Get this mess cleaned up. [My Name] has been doing it because you’re too lazy!”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Coworker: *snaps his fingers again* “You heard me!”

Manager: *takes a second to compose herself* “You’ve only been here a month, [Coworker], so I’ll give you a moment to adjust your attitude.”

Coworker: *stares, confused, for a second before snapping his fingers for the last time* “NOW!”

Manager: “That’s it! Get out. We’ll be having a little chat with your supervisor tomorrow.”

(The coworker didn’t leave at first and tried to argue his point across, shouting at the manager. I didn’t see him until a week later; he was tasked with cleaning the staff room in the evenings. Whenever he thinks he’s alone he mutters to himself that it isn’t a man’s job to clean, and that he’ll get back at [Manager] someday.)

Make Him Cry All The Way To The Bank(er)

, , , , , , | Working | November 27, 2017

(I’m a banker. We’ve just hired another banker in, and it’s his first day at a desk after finishing his training. I’m on a conference call, and he’s shuffling things around at his desk. I’m female.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]!”

Me: *mutes call* “What’s up?”

Coworker: “Where’s the coffee?”

Me: “Oh, it’s in Commercial Banking.”

Coworker: “Go get me some!”

Me: “Come again?”

Coworker: “Fine. Go get me some, please.”

Me: “I’m on a call right now. It’s really just down the hall, though.”

Coworker: “Gah! I’ll get my own.”

(I go back to my call, slightly confused. A couple of hours later, I’m working on documents for a loan closing.)

Me: *thinking out loud* “So, if they do an automatic payment every month, I can get the interest rate down to 3%…”

(I look up for a second and see him standing in front of my desk.)

Coworker: *insistently* “[My Name]!”

Me: *jumps* “Geez! Where did you come from?”

Coworker: “I need copies made!”

Me: “No problem. I’ll show you where the copier is!”

Coworker: “Can’t you just do it for me? I need ten.”

Me: *confused* “No?”

Coworker: “Why not?!”

Me: “I have a lot of appointments this afternoon and a loan closing right at nine tomorrow that I have to get ready for. I can show you where the copier is.”

(He follows me to the copier, muttering under his breath. I don’t think anything of it until I’m pulled aside by our boss the next day.)

Boss: “[Coworker] tells me that you’re not being very helpful.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Boss: “He said you were very rude yesterday in answering his questions.”

Me: “He asked me to get him coffee while I was on that call you wanted me to be on, and to make copies for him while I was preparing for [Customer]’s loan closing.”

Boss: *long pause* “I see. Never mind. Go back to your desk.”

(A couple days later, we both have a meeting with our boss.)

Boss: “…and [My Name], you had a great sales week! You closed that loan and opened several new accounts!”

Coworker: “[My Name] makes sales?!

Me: “Yes! What do you think I’ve been doing all week?”

Coworker: *genuinely shocked* “Are you a banker, like me?”

Me: “What did you think I was?”

Coworker: “Uh, um… I plead the fifth! Can I go back to my desk now?”

(He was much nicer to me after that.)

Putting The “Vice” In “Vice Principal”

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 25, 2017

(I am in my animation class during a recess break and want to show my teacher a new video from a 3D animator I like. This teacher is very lax about students using computers in the classroom to work, research, or play games.)

Me: “Hey, [Teacher], check out this new video [Animator] put out!”

Teacher: “Oh, wow, this looks pretty interesting.” *another student calls for assistance* “Keep it playing; let me go help someone really quick.”

(My teacher goes to the front of the room to help someone else. I am in the middle rows, and at the back rows are several boys gathered around, playing some form of Grand Theft Auto. At this time, I am the only Asian student in the room. The vice principal walks into the room and goes around the back, looking over all students’ shoulders at their screens, and immediately comes up to me.)

Vice-Principal: “What do you think you’re doing? Do you think this sort of thing is appropriate for class?” *rips out my flash drive from the computer* “Give me that! I’ll be confiscating this thing and examining everything on this. You should know better.”

(The vice principal left without even checking or making note of my name to keep with my drive. My teacher wasn’t even aware that the vice principal had come in, and when I told him what happened he was just as confused as I was. He even asked the group of boys playing GTA if they got in trouble, and they said no. A week later my teacher managed to talk to the vice principal and get my flash drive back. All he could tell me was that the vice principal said, “Sorry, I was in a bad mood.” Over the next three years of high school I learned that particular vice principal was very racist towards Asian students. Even when he noticed multiple students “breaking rules,” like wearing hats or using earphones, he only confiscated things from Asian students. Two students were standing side by side, both clearly wearing earphones, but only the Asian student was reprimanded. If any student was to try to reclaim their items at the end of the week, there was no further security to make sure they got their own item back. If you lost expensive earphones, guess what? Earphones are earphones; take one and leave. This is the same vice principal that accused me of doing cocaine because I had long nails!)

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