That’s Awkward, No (Dog) Bones About It

, , , , , , , | Friendly | September 9, 2020

This happens about a week or so after the infamous Central Park Video. For future generations: an entitled white woman let her dog loose at Central Park, and a bird-watching black man asked her to leash up her dog. The woman threatened him by calling the police and saying he was assaulting her, which he wasn’t. This is relevant information, as I am white and Asian, but I mostly look white.

I am walking my dog and eighteen-month-old daughter to our neighborhood park one early morning, and because of the global health crisis, the dog parks, and tennis courts are closed for our dog to play fetch. Luckily, our neighborhood park has two fields, one small and one large. It has become an unwritten rule during the crisis that the smaller field will have the dogs run around in it and the larger one will be for kids and other social distance activities.

When I arrive at the park, the large field is empty, and temptation takes over me. I start to play fetch with our dog in the large field while my child runs around “chasing” our dog. Soon, my child wants a snack, so I put her in the stroller and take out string cheese.

My dog smells the string cheese and wants it. She starts to hover around my child. I distract my dog by throwing the ball, but said dog won’t listen. She wants that cheese. I give up and leash her up, hold the leash tight, and walk toward our ball. My dog tries to steal the cheese from my child’s hand. I don’t pay attention to anything else around me and utter this: 

Me: “You! I’m looking at you! Don’t you think about stealing!”

Then, I see movement, so I look up. Before my eyes is a black gentleman setting up to play soccer with his kids. The color drains from my face. I sputter, embarrassed and meek. 

Me: “I— I was talking to my dog. You guys go ahead and play. I’m sorry.”

The gentleman, luckily, laughs.

Gentleman: “I know you were talking to your dog. Don’t worry.”

I sighed in relief. Then, he asked about my child and dog, and I asked about his. We chatted for a few minutes. Then, I continued on our walk. When we see each other at the park, we wave, and he jokes, asking if my dog is causing any more troubles.

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Was Not Their Light Bulb Moment

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2020

I’ve just been shopping with my mother, and I bought a replacement for a broken taillight. I decide to fix it in the parking lot. An employee comes out to gather carts and approaches me.

Employee: “Hey, you okay? Need any help?”

Me: “Nah, thanks, I got it. Just replacing the bulb.”

Employee: “Cool. You know, not many women know how to do that.”

Me: *Chuckling* “Don’t let me fool you. I didn’t know until a few weeks ago when I had my boyfriend show me.”

Employee: *Grins* “Well, hey, at least you made the effort to learn! Have a good day!”

He walks off to get his carts, and a pickup truck pulls into the space next to me. A guy in his twenties gets out and sees me.

Guy: “You need some help figuring that out?”

Me: “Nope, thanks, I’m almost done.”

Guy: *Scoffs* “There’s no way you know what you’re doing; let me do it for you.”

Me: “I said no, thank you. I am almost done. I know exactly what I’m doing; it’s a simple bulb replacement.”

Guy: “Simple or not, women don’t know how to do it. Now let me do it so you stop wasting everyone’s time!”

Me: “Sorry, man, but you’re the only one wasting time. Leave me alone, and we’ll all be happier.”

He rolls his eyes and comes up to my car, and I warn him to stay away from me. He gets closer and tries to snatch the pliers from my hands, so I smack his hand with them. By this time, the cart employee is returning with his carts and comes over.

Employee: “Everything okay here?”

Guy: “No, it isn’t! This little b**** just assaulted me for trying to help her!”

Me: “Quit your whining; it was barely a tap. Maybe next time you’ll leave a complete stranger alone when they tell you to go away.”

I turn to the employee.

Me: “We’re fine here, as long as Mister Misogyny here goes away and stops trying to take my tools.”

Employee: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave her alone, or I’ll call security.” 

Guy: “Go ahead, call them! I’m telling you, this f****** little whore assaulted me for no reason!”

In the end, we had to go in so security could look at the tapes. The man called the cops himself. He practically got laughed off the premises, and he got a warning to leave people alone when they don’t want help. The whole time, he kept insisting that he did nothing wrong, because “women can’t fix cars!”

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Sounds Like Their Grasp Of English Is Worse

, , , , , | Right | September 7, 2020

Customer: “I just got off the phone with your customer service, but they didn’t speak English so I came here.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m afraid that the only way to handle this issue is to call that customer service line. I assure you that they all speak English.”

Customer: “No, they don’t; they were Indian.”

Me: “I know, but we don’t hire American customer service associates that don’t speak English.”

Customer: “Well, they didn’t.”

Me: “So, they were speaking to you in Hindi, then?”

Customer: *Blank look* “They didn’t speak very good English.”

Me: “Oh, I see. Well, that isn’t really the same thing, is it?”

The customer turned and left, clearly upset.

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Not Being Ink-lusive

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2020

I’m a guy with multiple tattoos and piercings and I work the cosmetics counter at a popular department store. I also live in a small, Texas town. An old man in my line has been glaring at me for a while.

Old Man: “How are you ever gonna find a job looking like that? Who is going to hire you?”

Me: “Sir… um… I’m at work.”

His wife proceeded to laugh as he stormed out of the store. He later took an online survey to inform my bosses that they hired an “Un-Christian” employee.

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Just Stay Gay!

, , , | Right | September 2, 2020

We don’t really push it, but our store offers a survey at the bottom of the receipt. When people fill them out, the answers are sent directly to the managers. One day, a manager calls me over to her while she’s at the computer.

Me: “Hey, what’s up?”

Manager: “So, I’m required to talk to you any time a customer leaves a negative review and mentions you.”

I start to panic. I try to always be polite and help customers to the best of my ability.

Manager: “Don’t worry; you’re not in trouble. Not even a verbal warning. A customer said she heard you mention your girlfriend and said we need to fire you for being a… I’m not even gonna finish that.”

Me: “Really?”

Manager: “Yeah. I’d hate to have to fire half my store for being gay, especially since most of you guys are the best workers we have.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Manager: “I’m also supposed to talk to you on how to prevent this from happening again. But my only advice is to just stay gay. If customers have a problem with it, that’s their fault.”

I love my manager.

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