These Shoes Were Made For Sparkling

, , , | Right | February 22, 2018

(I work in the shoe section of a department store. I’m usually in women’s, but this day I am covering men’s shoes. It is slow, so I do busy work involving prepping some very sparkly and very pink women’s shoes for the clearance table. A lady comes up to pay while I am doing so.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Thank you.”

(She looks pointedly at the shoes I’m working on.)

Customer: “You didn’t get those in men’s, did you?”

Me: *laughing it off* “Oh! No, no, I’m just working on some busy work for women’s shoes.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! Good, for a second I thought something—” *she leans in real close before whispering* “—QUEER was going on here.”

(I was caught off guard and just waved her off before it really sunk in what she’d said. As someone on the LGBT+ spectrum, I spent a good while laughing about it.)

Gives As Good As You Get

, , , , , | Working | February 19, 2018

(Aside from the regular kitchen staff, we employ a “helper” who comes in during the weekend to do basic prep and clean-up for the coming week: an elderly friend of the boss who is bored from being retired. His German is quite broken, since he’s an Iranian immigrant, and he’s a lot older than our kitchen staff. I get along with him very well, though, and we chat a lot when we work together, even if it takes a bit of effort to understand each other. Another coworker, however, doesn’t seem to like him and complains to me one day.)

Coworker: “Ugh, I really don’t want to work with Mr. [Helper] this weekend. He’s so much trouble to deal with.”

Me: “Trouble how?”

Coworker: “He never cleans anything after finishing a task; his area is always a mess! And he doesn’t even notice our dishes piling up; you’d think he could help with the dishwasher once in a while. He’s more hindrance than help!”

(I’m surprised by this, because whenever I work with him, his area is spotless, and he makes it a point to not leave until he’s cleaned up everything around him, even if his shift is long finished. He also helps out with many tasks without me asking. The next time I work with him, I decide to ask.)

Me: *jokingly* “So, Mr. [Helper], I heard from [Coworker] that you were a little troublemaker. What’s this about you not cleaning up anything nor helping out?”

Helper: “Oh, that man!” *looks around to see if anyone else can hear us* “I give him trouble, yes? He give me more! Pushing me away, never talk to me, just drop things to clean on my table, shoving things in my way so I notice. Well, I decide not to notice.” *now whispering quite sadly* “He never even say hello to me. One time he say to someone else that I am disgusting. I know not why, but now I make sure I am disgusting! For him! He treat me like dog, I will poo on his floor like dog!”

(He’d purposely given the coworker trouble for mistreating him. Everybody else treated him very kindly, so there weren’t any problems with anyone. The complaining coworker left us pretty soon after, and I never heard another bad word about our helper. In fact, he went out of his way to get everyone flowers for their birthdays and other little favours. I suppose the love you take IS equal to the love you make!)

Spider-Man Needs A Spider-Woman

, , , , , , | Right | February 19, 2018

(I work in a museum section that has a lot of children come through, so we have colouring and other activities. They’re usually related to museum content: native animals and the like. I am a woman and an arachnologist.)

Patron: *holding a colouring sheet* “Do you have anything for my girls to colour in?”

(I look behind her. There’s two girls and two boys. The girls look a little older, but not by much.)

Me: “The girls are allowed to colour in, too, if they want. We don’t mind.”

Patron: “No, like, colouring that the girls can do.”

Me: “I don’t understand what you mean. Are you worried about the pencils? The chairs?”

Patron: “I need something girl-ish, for the girls to colour in. This has a spider on it. Spiders are for boys.”

Me: *very long pause* “Ma’am. Spiders are for everyone.”

The 1950s Called; They Want Their Misogynist Back

, , , , | Right | February 17, 2018

(I work at an amusement park. I am working at a pitching game when a guest comes up to me. I wear skirts to work, as I find them more comfortable.)

Me: “Hi, sir. How are you today?”

Guest: “So, they put you at this game because you are a girl, and guys will play it just to show off.”

Me: “…”

Guest: “It’s not like you know anything about baseball.”

Me: “Actually, my brother plays baseball, and I’ve been watching his games for the past 13 years.”

Guest: “But you’re a girl. How much do you really know about sports? Not like you play them, or anything. After all, you likely only learned to cook, clean, and take care of a house.”

Me: *blank stare*

Guest: “What? Girls who wear skirts to work are always super religious and traditional.”

The Hippokkkratic Oath

, , , , | Healthy | February 17, 2018

(I work at a detention center, and we are holding two big-name KKK leaders. Both were on TV after their arrest, since they have supposedly attacked one of their own. One of them has to be taken to the hospital for something and he has two male officers escorting him. They are seen in the ER by a tiny nurse.)

Nurse: “Mister… [Inmate]?”

Inmate: “Yeah?”

Nurse: “I see one of your vaccines hasn’t been updated; did you want to take care of that?”

Inmate: “Yeah, why not? The state’s paying for it.”

(The nurse starts humming as she prepares the injection and then proceeds to clean a site on his leg.)

Nurse: “Ready?”

Inmate: “Go for it.”

(The nurse suddenly stabs the needle into his leg, making both the officers cringe in sympathy as the man howls.)

Nurse: “There we go! All done.”

Inmate: “What kind of nurse are you?”

Nurse: “A loving Christian woman who doesn’t judge one’s skin color.”

(It was then that the inmate realized she had seen his face on the six o’clock news.)

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