Trolls And Racists Are Usually The Same Thing

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2021

My coworker is working the front desk when the phone rings.

Coworker: “[Community] Library, this is [Coworker]; how can I help you?”

Patron: “Hi, I’m looking for books by a particular author. Do you have them?”

She gets the name of the author and searches our system, but no books by the author come up.

Patron: “Can you order them in?”

Coworker: “If they’re over a year old, we can interlibrary loan them. Let me just look up the publication dates for you.”

She goes online to look up the author… and discovers the author is some kind of white supremacist author whose books have such “charming” titles as “Kill All N*****s.” Seriously, almost every book has that slur in the title as well as some kind of violent act. Shaken but still determined to act professional, my coworker gets back on the line with the patron.

Coworker: “Okay, I’ve found the books. I don’t think we’re going to be able to order these in.”

Patron: “That’s okay. Can you read the titles out loud for me?”

Coworker: “Well… the first book is called ‘Kill All N-words’.”

Patron: “No, I want you to read out the whole title for me.”

My coworker drops professionalism and just hangs up on him. Our boss says she made the right call, but she is still frustrated and bewildered.

Coworker: “I dunno what he was even trying to accomplish! Was he recording the call and trying to get me to say something racist?”

Me: “I think you got a troll.”

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Spoons Are Just Another Form Of Chopsticks

, , | Right | May 31, 2021

A guy buys a small pot of ice cream.

Customer: “Do you have a spoon?”

Me: “There’s a plastic one in the lid, under the cardboard.”

He is pretty amazed by this, pulls it out happily, and says:

Customer: “Clever, these Chinese, aren’t they?”

He chuckled to himself as he walked out the door.

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Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 15

, , , , | Working | May 27, 2021

I’m a woman. My boyfriend and I recently bought a condo together. We were both very excited and eager to set up our new home. I stopped by the local chain hardware store for a new toolset. Before going inside, I did a quick web search on their store site. I found a moderately priced, heavy-duty set that I liked. The only problem was, I couldn’t find it anywhere in the store.

I stopped a young man (an assistant manager) about my age and asked if he might know where the toolset is.

Assistant Manager: “Let me get [Employee]; he’s been here a long time and knows where everything is.”

The manager called on the radio and a few moments later another older gentleman appeared. They spoke quickly and I showed the gentleman the picture of the set from their website. He said that he could find it, went off, and came back with the exact set! I was ecstatic and thanked them both. The manager left.

Employee: “There’s another set that you might be interested in. Would you like me to show you?”

I agreed and he led me a short distance to another display nearby. My heart sank as I looked at what he wanted to show me. The set that he had previously found for me — which I specifically asked for and that I still had in my hands — was a heavy-duty case made of durable plastic containing over fifty name-brand tools.

The set he led me to was not name-brand, cost half as much, had half as many tools — which looked very flimsy — and came exclusively in pink and purple cloth cases.

For a moment, I stood there in shock. I mean, I had shown him EXACTLY what I had wanted, the EXACT product on THEIR website. I had it IN MY HANDS. And instead of assuming that I knew what I wanted since I asked for it, he decided to show me… THAT?!

I muttered an excuse and quickly left to pay for the heavy-duty case. I should have said something, but I was honestly in shock. Sir, I hope you learn one day that when someone, male or female, asks for a specific item, they often know what they are looking for.

The tools work fantastic, by the way.

Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 14
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 13
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 12
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 11
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 10

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Clearly, Babies Fix Everything!

, , , | Healthy | May 26, 2021

My husband decides to see a therapist to talk mostly about work burnout and how to deal with it. After their first meeting, he comes home looking extremely upset.

Me: “Are you okay?”

Husband: “I am never seeing that whack job again!”

Me: “Yikes! That bad? What happened?”

Husband: “We were going over what my home life is like and I told him you’ve been dealing with depression for almost your whole life… and he told me to get you pregnant so that you would be too busy to worry about yourself!”

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Respect People’s Pronouns Or We’ll Identify You As A Problem

, , , , | Right | May 18, 2021

Human resource recently issued us updated nametags which include pronouns on them. The scheme has been a massive success with staff and has picked the mood up considerably.

Our nametags have sparked some conversations with some customers, but the reaction has been mostly positive. Mostly.

I’m rather visibly masculine, identify as such, and have a male-coded name. The pronouns on my name badge read “he/him”.

Customer: “Ahem.”

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

The customer glances at my nametag and rolls his eyes.

Customer: “Well, [Female Version of My Name], I’m looking for the toilet roll.

Me: “It’s [My Name], and we have a selection of toilet roll on aisle five. Would you like me to take you there?”

Customer: “I’m perfectly capable of going there myself, [Female Name]. And stop pretending to be a man.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’ve had enough of d*** [transgender slur]s! You’re just pretending to be a man!”

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store. We won’t be serving you.”

This stops him dead in his tracks.

Customer: “But… you… I want a manager! Now!

My manager, hearing the commotion, practically sprints over.

Manager: “What’s going on here?”

The customer spots my manager’s nametag and his pronouns.

Customer: “Can I speak to someone in this store that isn’t a f****** [slur]?!”

Manager: “Leave.”


Manager: “I am the manager; get out of my store.”

Realising that he is getting nowhere, the customer shoves past us and storms out, continuing to loudly rant and ramble about “Those d*** [slur]s!”

Manager: “Good riddance.”

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