I’m an avid player of a particular MMORPG. It isn’t the most well-known one in the genre, which I’m fine with since a smaller community generally means fewer trolls and the like. They certainly still pop up every now and again, as this incident demonstrated. For context, the game has several races to choose from, only two of which are basically human in appearance, and characters can be customized a fair amount; I enjoy making characters and have quite a few, but the one I was playing on this day was a humanoid woman with very dark brown skin.

I left the character standing around in a city while I took my dog on a brief walk, and came back to a wall of private messages from someone that started off demanding to know why I’d made a [racial slur]. I’m not sure if this person either wasn’t planning to wait for a reply or simply didn’t realize I was away and got angry at apparently being ignored, but they went on and on about how I was a [slur]-lover, forcing diversity into a fantasy world, complicit in white genocide, etc., and topped it all off with calling me a [gay, transphobic slur] for playing a female character who “wasn’t even wearing anything sexy.”

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen the “logic” that the only reason a man would play a female character outside of eye candy is if he’s gay or transgender.

The player who’d sent these messages wasn’t around by the time I came back — given the volume of text, I think they’d been blocked by the in-game spam prevention — although I wasn’t planning to reply, anyway. I simply blocked and reported them and went on my way. However, I couldn’t help but laugh at a few of their incorrect assumptions. First of all, I’m not white — though I’m not black like my character appeared to be, either. Second of all, I am gay… but I’m a gay woman who just doesn’t think a lady needs to be wearing a chainmail bikini to be sexy.

For all their ranting about me “taking the fun out of the game,” I don’t think they’re enjoying themselves all that much if such a little thing sets them off like that.

(This takes place in my sociology class which has a variety of people, some of whom are very open-minded and some of whom… aren’t. Our current unit is on sex — biological, not the act — and gender.)

Teacher: “Is sex a binary?”

Me: “It’s not quite binary, but mostly.”

Teacher: “And why is that?”

Female Student: “Because of intersex people.”

Teacher: “Exactly.”

(The teacher goes on to talk about the biological characteristics and some of the issues around intersex people, primarily the fact that parents have to choose which sex to raise their child as.)

Male Student: “Okay, but something like .0001 percent of people not fitting in that binary doesn’t get rid of the binary.”

(I can’t help but wonder how he’s going to react when we talk about the gender spectrum tomorrow.)

(I work part-time as a home health aide. I have a client who’s a former professor and used to be a delight. Lately, however, he’s been trying to engage me in religious debates, even though I’ve told him I don’t like discussing such matters. He also has a rigid and very unkind interpretation of religious morality, which I am dismayed to discover.)

Client: “How do you feel about gay people going to Hell?”

Me: “I’ve told you, I don’t believe in Hell.”

Client: “But what if it’s true, and people go to Hell for being gay?”

Me: “Then I guess I’m going to Hell.”

Client: “But if you stop and ask forgiveness, you could go to Heaven.”

Me: “I have a feeling I’d prefer the company in Hell, actually.”

Client: “But—“

Me: “Do you want a caregiver who’s straight?”

Client: “No, I like you. I want to help you! That’s why I pray for you.”

Me: “Listen. You can do whatever you want when I’m not here. But debating the morality of my sexuality is not happening. If you talk about my sexuality again, I will quit.”

Client: *chuckles*

Me: “I’m not joking.”

(He dropped the subject after that. I’d been warned months before when I first took him on that getting aides to stay with him was difficult. Up until this incident, I’d been thoroughly confused as to why.)

(My mom told me this story about her experience while trying to buy my Christmas present. She goes to a popular chain sporting goods store ready to buy an expensive pair of rock climbing shoes based on an employee’s recommendation, not knowing much about them herself. She can’t see any employees on the floor, so she walks back to the front desk of the store and asks them to send someone to help her in the rock climbing section. The employee at the front tells her to go back to that section and someone will be there shortly. My mom goes back and, while she is waiting, a man around her age comes to the same area and starts looking at displays. A few minutes later, a male employee comes out of the back room, makes eye contact with my mom, and then immediately turns to the male customer and asks if he needs any assistance. Fuming, my mom returns to the front desk.)

Mom: “Did you call someone to come help me with rock climbing shoes?”

Employee: “Yes, I did.”

Mom: “And did you tell him I was a woman?”

Employee: “Yes, I did.”

Mom: “Well, he looked straight at me and turned to help a man, instead.”

Employee: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ll call him again.”

(My mom returns to the rock climbing section and sees the male employee on the store phone. He finishes his conversation — presumably with the front desk — hangs up, and, without acknowledging my mom standing just a few feet away, continues talking to the male customer. My mom waits several minutes for them to finish without any acknowledgement from the employee. Eventually, she gives up and returns to the front desk for the last time.)

Mom: “Just so you know, I’m going to [Competitor]. The reason is that your employee is still helping a man who came in after me and he didn’t even acknowledge me.”

(The front desk employee was silent, so my mom just left. Hopefully, that employee was reprimanded or at least spoken to about his prejudice losing them a customer. It’s unlikely, but a girl can dream!)

(My employer is contracted with a very popular cell phone company; we take calls and treat every caller just like a normal customer. They take great pride that they are one of the few remaining companies that don’t outsource to other countries. One day a man calls in. Note: my local accent is pretty much neutral American.)

Customer: “I thought you guys were supposed to only be in America.”

Me: “We are, sir.”

Customer: “Then how did I get someone with a very thick Asian accent the last time I called?”

Me: “I have no control over other employees’ accents, sir.”

(It clearly never occurred to the man that immigration is still a thing.)