(A customer and his son approach the counter. Note that the son is no more than eleven or twelve years old.)
Customer: “Hey, my son has something to ask you.”
Me: “Yes?”
Customer’s son: “Will you wanna go out with me?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Come on, it’s his first time asking a girl out! If you turn him down, he might get discouraged and go gay. You don’t want to turn him gay, do you?!”
(I’m an author doing a book signing in a shop. I’m female with an obviously female name. The name is also on the book. There’s also a large poster with my name and photo on it.)
Customer: “When’s he going to get here?”
Me: “Who?”
Customer: “The author.”
Me: “I’m the author.”
Customer: “But, you’re a woman.”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “Oh, I get it. You’re one of them pseudonym things.”
This story is part of our Book Lovers roundup!
Read the next Book Lovers Roundup story!
Read the Book Lovers Roundup!
(I work at a start-up company in a very small office space that used to be a window shades store. We occasionally get people knocking on the door looking for the old business. A gentleman knocks on the door and I talk to him.)
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I bought these blinds, and they don’t fit my window.”
Me: “Oh, you’re at the wrong place. That was the last tenant. This isn’t a shade store anymore.”
Customer: “Oh, but in the phone book this is listed.”
Me: “I know. He hasn’t updated it. We’re not a shade shop. I hope you get help with your problem.”
Customer: “Well, you might be able to help. You’re a woman. Women put up blinds a lot.”
(Our store music system is playing Coldplay’s ‘Viva la Vida’. A customer comes up to me, and starts making small talk.)
Customer: “I love this song!”
Me: “Yeah, I like it too. Although, there is a Swedish singer who does a cover of this. I happen to like that one better.”
Customer: “You listen to Swedish music?”
Me: “Well, not really. I just heard that there was a cover of it. I looked it up and–”
Customer: “This is America, sweetie! You should only listen to American music!”
Me: “Sir, you do know that Coldplay, the band who sings this song, is from England?”
Customer: “No, they’re not! They play this song on the radio! American radio!”
Me: “I assure you, sir. They are from England.”
Customer: “Well, I can’t like this song anymore! Unlike you, I only listen to American music–like The Rolling Stones and The Beatles!”
(I am sitting in a laundromat, waiting for my laundry. An irate customer approaches me while I am reading a book.)
Customer: “Can you help?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Can you help me with this machine? I don’t think it’s working properly.”
Me: “I can take a look, but I don’t know too much about these things.”
Customer: *exasperated* “How is it that you don’t know how these machines work? What kind of lazy employee are you? You just sit here reading a book when customers are struggling?”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to do my laundry like you are.”
Customer: “This is the worst experience I’ve ever had here! Where are your parents? I need to complain to them.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m 25 years old and my Korean parents live in New Jersey. There is a nice Chinese family that owns this business. They might be able to help you better than I can.”
Customer: “But don’t you all know how to fix these things?”
