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A Sunny Disposition Vs. Unyielding Opposition

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2013

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Well, [MY NAME], why the f*** isn’t my TV working?”

Me: “I have no idea. Let’s get a look at you account and see. Account number or phone number, please?”

Caller: *gives info* “Took long enough to get through. I waited here for over an hour!”

Me: “Thanks for the account info. Sorry about the long waits; we had some challenges earlier with certain equipment. Can you tell me what is happening on the screen of your TV when your PVR is on?”

Caller: “Wait, are you qualified for this?”

Me: “Yes, I am absolutely trained and ready to help out with your issue. It is actually a pretty easy fix, likely.”

Caller: “Are you sure you don’t need to transfer me to Tech?”

Me: “No, I am Tech.”

Caller: “A chick tech? Well, okay, but I hate wasting my time with people like you. It’s frozen… some grey and blue boxes.”

Me: “Thanks for the info. It is an easy fix like I suspected. Can you please disconnect the power cord from the PVR for about 15 seconds, and then plug it back in?”

Caller: “I’ve already done that a couple times, you know, because I’m not an idiot!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, let’s try it again. Let me know when it is unplugged and I’ll check some things on my end while it is unplugged.”

Caller: “Seriously?” *sighs* “Okay. It’s unplugged.”

(I check his connection, and notice he’s still online.)

Me: “Oh, that’s weird. It seems like it is still online on my end. Are all of the lights off of the front of the box?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Oh, then it seems like you probably accidentally pulled the HDMI cord, not the power. Pull the power at the very right hand edge.”

(At this, I see the box go off.)

Me: “Awesome, thanks! Plug it back in now and let me know when the time shows.”

Caller: “Okay, the time is showing.”

Me: “Great! Let’s power it back on and see if everything is working. It all looks good on my end.”

Caller: “Yeah, it seems to be working.”

Me: “Awesome! Anything else I can help with tonight?”

Caller: “God, I f***ing hate when you you people say that! There are lots of things in my life I need help with, you stupid b****!”

Me: “Are any of those things issues with your cable or Internet service?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Then I guess I’ve done my job! Thanks!” *click*

Not Very (Stereo)Typical Of The Service Industry

, , , , , | Working | November 5, 2013

(I’m on vacation with my parents, grandparents, friend and friend’s mum. My grandparents and mum are German, and my dad is Japanese. Due to this, I have learnt German and Japanese, but I have no accent as I grew up in Australia. My friend is just plain Australian. A waitress has asked everyone but me what they want to eat.)

Grandma: *with German accent* “You forgot her.”

(My grandma points to me.)

Waitress: “Oh, I’m sorry; what will you have?”

Me: “I’ll just have a bowl of chips and a lemonade, please.”

(The waitress smiles nicely, but mumbles in Japanese under her breathe as she walks away.)

Waitress: “Stupid fat girl. Why should I serve that pig just so she can get fatter than a whale?”

(My dad and I are the only ones that understand.)

Me: “Um, wait, one more thing.”

(The waitress turns back around with smile on her face.)

Me: “I’d like to speak to your manager for the way you spoke to me.”

(The waitress gets her manager.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Dad: “The problem is that waitress. She had missed my daughter, and she muttered that my daughter was a stupid fat girl that she shouldn’t have to serve just so she can get fatter than a whale. Weight is a sensitive subject for my daughter, as she has been teased about it many times; she is working on losing her extra fluff by doing kickboxing and going to a gym. I guess the waitress did not expect any Japanese people in our family.”

(The manager turns to the waitress.)

Manager: “Apologize, now!”

Waitress: “Well, how was I supposed to know they could speak Japanese? The old farts are Nazis, the man looks like a Chino, and the girl looks like a deformation!”

Manager: “DO NOT insult a customer! I have seen them in here before; they are wonderful people. I will not stand for your rudeness and racist comments. I’m from America; are you going to call me a ‘hamburger-eating fat-a**’?”

(When we went back the next day, the waitress had been fired!)

Her Number Has Been (Tali)Banned

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2013

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to go over my bill; it’s higher than normal! Why are you double charging me!?”

Me: “All right, let me pull up the bill and I’ll help you with that. I see here that we have voice overage of 347 minutes totaling $138.80. Add that to your regular bill and the taxes involved and that’s why it’s so high. Would you like me to increase your plan allowance to prevent this in the future? I see based on an analysis of your account that this seems to be happening every mo—”

Caller: “No, I want you to credit that back to me! I’ve been with [Company] for 30 years! You owe me at least that for all the money I’ve spent for your services.”

(I note that she’s been with us for nine months, the last six of which she has gone over her allowance, and the last five of which she has received a credit for. Based on notes, it was because she was persistent and demanding and it was done to get her off the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am, I understand how frustrating this can be; however, in the last five months you have received credits for your overages. You’ve been advised of how to know when you’re going over, and based on that, it’s only $20 more for the next tier of minutes. Considering your overages, I’d be willing to rerate you as if you had been on that plan and issue a credit back, except for the increased minutes, but this will be the last credit issued on the account for overages.”

Caller: “No, I don’t want to pay for that other plan! I’m not increasing it! Oh, for crying out loud, hold on!”

(In the background I can hear her clearly working at a clothing store.)

Caller: *to someone else* “Oh, these shirts are buy two, get one free, so if you grab another, one of these will be free. Mm-hmm! Okay, bye-bye!”

(The customer then returns to our call.)

Caller: “Okay, so I want you to credit the overages back for me, but I’m not going to increase my plan.”

Me: “Ma’am, I couldn’t help overhearing, but you have a deal going on at your store?”

Caller: “Oh, yes! You can buy two shirts and get a third free! It’s really a great deal!”

Me: “So, if I came up to the counter and put four shirts on the counter, how many would you charge me for?”

Caller: “Well, three of them of course.”

Me: “But I only want to pay for the two.”

Caller: “You’d have to get another shirt and then you can get a second free, but the deal only comes with one free shirt for every two you buy.”

Me: “Just like your plan; it comes with 450 minutes. You want the other 347 for free, but that’s not included in the deal. So if you want those minutes, you have to pay for them.”

Caller: “You’re just trying to trick me!”

Me: “Not at all, ma’am; I’m just explaining it another way. Your deal is that two shirts get you one free. Your cell phone plan is 450 minutes included, but anything else is overage… but if you go to the 900 minute plan, it’d be $20 more, and save you money because you would get those extra minutes you’ve been charged in overage included. So ,your option is this: increase the plan, or no credit. At all. You’ve been credited five months straight, but I am not going to issue a penny unless you take action to prevent further overages.”

Caller: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER! YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE IS TERRIBLE! I HOPE THE TALIBAN KILLS YOUR FAMILY!”

Me: “Really? You’re going to threaten my family because you refuse to take responsibility for your own overages? Sure, here’s my manager.”

(My manager has been listening because as soon as the caller started screaming I had flagged him over. He takes over.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I am from Iran. I watched the Taliban kill my two sons because they wouldn’t join. You want me to issue a credit after making that kind of a threat? No. I’ve flagged your account. You will receive no further credits. Pay your bill through the automated system before the fifteenth to avoid a late fee, which also will not be credited. Goodbye.”

(The manager hangs up on the customer without another word, and turns to me.)

Manager: “Go on break.”

(The customer called in twenty more times before she finally cancelled her services due to discrimination claims, stating that my manager and I threatened to come to her store and beat her up if she didn’t pay. The charges were overturned after the call was reviewed.)

That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket

, , , , , | Right | October 20, 2013

(I’m standing in line at a corner shop. The customer at the till is a typical 40-something skinhead, wearing an England football shirt. He’s harassing the cashier because of the difference between the display price of a packet of cigarettes and what he’s being charged.)

Customer: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! IT’S ILLEGAL!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but due to the changes in taxes, we’ve had to increase the price. We haven’t had time to change the signs yet.”

Customer: “THAT’S BULLS***! YOU’RE NOT FROM HERE! WHERE ARE YOU FROM?!”

(The cashier isn’t ethnically British, but he’s been working at the store for a few years now and is a pretty decent guy.)

Cashier: “That doesn’t matter, sir. Could you just pay for your items?”

Customer: “I SAID, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?!”

Cashier: *rolling his eyes* “Sri Lanka.”

(The customer tries to think of an insult using the tiny amount of brainpower not given over to alcohol and rage.)

Customer: “Yeah… Well… your cricket team is s***!”

(The customer then storms off after paying for the cigarettes. I go up to the register.)

Me: “Didn’t Sri Lanka just win the Cricket World Cup?”


This story is part of our “Where are you from?” roundup!

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The First And True Language Of America

, , , , , | Right | September 23, 2013

(I’m waiting in line behind a woman who is speaking on her cellphone in another language. Ahead of her is a white man. After the woman hangs up, he speaks up.)

Man: “I didn’t want to say anything while you were on the phone, but you’re in America now. You need to speak English.”

Woman: “Excuse me?”

Man: *very slow* “If you want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English.”

Woman: “Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England.”


This story is part of our Native-American roundup.

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