Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Taking The Man Out Of Spiderman

, , , | Right | July 2, 2014

(I work as a receptionist for my dad’s chiropractic office. Most of the patients are lovely, but we do have some odd ones. One patient, in particular, is a little bit sexist, but because he never intends to be outright rude, I just try to ignore his somewhat sexist comments. Today when he comes in, he tries to play a little joke on me.)

Patient: *comes up to the desk and starts pointing at a random spot on it* “There’s a spider! Get it! Get it!”

(I casually look around, as I have had spiders sneak their way to my desk before, but I don’t see anything.)

Me: “Where is it? I don’t see it.”

Patient: *gives a bit of an odd look* “Right there! Get it!”

Me: *look again but still doesn’t see anything* “I still don’t see it. I guess it got away.” *shrugs*

Patient: *gives me another weird look* “Why aren’t you freaking out?”

Me: “Spiders don’t really bug me.”

Patient: “Oh… should I have said it was a snake?”

Me: “They don’t bug me, either. I actually like snakes.”

Patient: *looks baffled* “What kind of woman are you?!”


This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

Just A (Cast The First) Stone’s Throw Away From A True Christian

, , , , , | Right | May 15, 2014

(I live in the Bible Belt of America, where homophobia is the norm. I’m a gay man and was outed by a previous coworker, so now I deal with two or three bigots per week. This takes place on an early Sunday morning.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything today?”

Customer #1: *a bigot who frequents my lane just to insult me* “Everything except a good, god-fearing cashier!”

Me: *scanning items and not paying attention* “Your total is $48.50, sir. Would you like to pay cash or credit?”

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell, you know! You and all your god-d***ed f****ts! Pick up a Bible and learn how to be a Christian!”

(He then throws his credit card at me. I check him out while enduring his verbal abuse, as usual. Finally, he’s gone to bag his groceries while the next customer comes up. He’s an elderly man, around 60, wearing a sweater and a large prominent cross. I fear the worst but he hands me a gift card.)

Customer #2: “Bless you, son. I’d like you to have this to make up for those of us who are less than their best.”

([Customer #1] has heard [Customer #2] and starts yelling.)

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for supporting this f**! Learn how to be a good Christian!”

([Customer #2] removes his sweater to reveals he’s a priest. [Customer #1]’s eyes widen in shock.)

Customer #2: “Well, if I’m going to Hell I don’t believe there’s much hope for any of us now, is there?”

(He was the new pastor for the church and one of his first sermons was on spreading love instead of hate. I thank you, good sir, for reminding me what a real Christian is like.)

Did you find this story using our Harvey Milk Day roundup?

Click here to get back to it!

Click here to see the next story!

Try Not To Sweat The Sweat Shop

, | Right | March 13, 2014

(I am in a fitting room, and I overhear a conversation.)

Customer: “I like this top, and this dress, but it doesn’t quite fit well. Do you guys have another one of the same size in the back?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I know for a fact that that top is the last one we have, and that dress is the last one we have in that size.”

Customer: “Oh… That’s okay. I can wait.”

Coworker: “…”

Customer: “…”

Coworker: “Umm… May I ask what you’re waiting for?”

(The customer leans in to whisper loud enough for everyone in the sixteen fitting room area to hear.)

Customer: “I don’t mean to sound racist or nothing like that… but… like… don’t you guys have little Asian kids in the back to make these?”

Coworker: “Umm… I’m sorry, no… We’re not a sweatshop. All our merchandise is legal.”

Customer: “Oh… Okay…”  *leaves*

Trying To Give A Dogged Defense

, , , , | Right | January 23, 2014

(I’m a receptionist at a small animal hospital. I take a phone call.)

Me: “[Hospital]. How may I help you?”

Client: “Is it possible that my dog is gay?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Client: “I think my dog is gay, and my husband is very homophobic. He says we can’t keep the dog if it is gay.”

Me: “What made you come to this conclusion, ma’am?”

Client: “He sniffs other male dogs inappropriately. It makes the whole family uncomfortable.”

Me: “Dogs often smell other dogs as a means of introduction, and they do smell each other’s hind end area to get acquainted. That is very common.”

Client: “How do I make him stop this?”

Me: “Is your dog neutered?”

Client: “No, my husband does not want him neutered. He says it’s not fair to the dog.”

Me: “Unaltered dogs can present these behaviors more frequently and sometimes can be more aggressive. It may help if you had him neutered.”

Client: *yelling to her husband* “She says the dog won’t be gay anymore if we chop his balls off…” *a few moments of bickering between the couple* “Well, we can’t keep the dog if he’s gay, so when can we get him neutered?”

Me: “Ma’am, neutering your dog will not stop him from sniffing other dogs. I was just suggesting that neutering him may calm him down and the behavior would be less frequent.”

Client: “Can you just tell my husband that if we go through with the surgery that he won’t be gay anymore? I’m afraid he is going to make me give him up. He is terribly afraid of gays! He won’t even let the dog sleep in the bed until this gets figured out…”


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

Read the next Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup story!

Read the Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

Should Have Vetted The Owners First

, , , , , , , | Right | December 27, 2013

(I’ve just graduated and I can’t find a job. My older brother is a veterinarian, and gets me a temp job at the animal clinic where he works. On my sixth day, when my brother has the day off, a client walks in with her dog. She cuts about eight people to the front.)

Client: “My dog is sick! I need to see the doctor!”

Me: “Okay. Do you have an appointment?”

Client: “H***, no! I thought walk-ins were welcomed.”

Me: “Yes. They are. Is this your first time here, or is your dog already in our system?”

Client: “Of course I’ve been here! You must be stupid because this is, like, my 100th time here. My name is [Client] and my dog is Puddles.”

Me: “And what seems to be the problem with Puddles?”

Client: “I just told you! Don’t you f****** listen? He is f****** sick!”

(By now everyone in the waiting room is looking at us. Feeling a bit embarrassed at being cussed at, I don’t ask her anymore questions. I hand her a form.)

Me: “All right. Just fill out this form and a doctor will be with you in about 20 to 30 minutes.”

Client: “What?! Why can’t I see the doctor now? My dog sick and he is going to die!”

(I look at the dog. He is wagging his tail and eating the free doggy treats we have out.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Since you don’t have an appointment, you’ll have to wait. We have about eight other walk-ins still waiting with their pets.”

Client: “Is Dr. [Brother] here? He’s the guy I always see. Just tell him I’m here.”

Me: “Uh, no. That particular doctor has the day off. You’ll have to wait for Dr. [Other Vet]. She’s the only doctor in today.”

Client: “What?! I’m not going to wait in this f****** line! My dog is going to die and if he does I’m going to sue you for everything you got.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to wait like everyone else.”

Client: “Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “Yes. You are [Client] and that is Puddles.”

Client: “You little b****! I am Dr. [Brother]’s girlfriend, which makes me like family. I get to see the doctor first, before any of these people.”

(I kind of giggle inside, because my brother is gay. He took the day off for his sixth year anniversary with his boyfriend.)

Me: “Oh. Are you a girl that is his friend or his romantic girlfriend?”

Client: “I’m his romantic girlfriend.”

Me: “Oh… But you’re still going to have to wait.”

Client: “Are you deaf or something? I told you I’m Dr. [Brother]’s girlfriend. You have to do what I say or I can have him fire you! You’re just jealous that I’m dating him and you’re too ugly for him to look at.”

Me: “Okay. First, Dr. [Brother] is my brother, so I don’t find him attractive in that sense at all. Second, my brother is GAY! He came out in college. So if you don’t have a wiener dog down there, I don’t think my brother would be very interested in you!”

Client: “You little c***! I’m his girlfriend and I’m going to tell him to fire you!”

Me: “If you’re his girlfriend, when is his birthday?”

Client: “I don’t have to tell you! You’re probably in love with him, you w****!”

(By now everyone is listening in on our conversation. There is a man in the walk-in line with a German Shepard. He comes up to the woman and tells her to back off and wait in line like everyone else.)

Client: “Who the h*** are you? You can’t tell me what to do? Who the f*** do you think you are?”

Man: “I am a sheriff’s deputy, ma’am. You’ve been harassing this woman for the past 10 minutes. She can file harassment charges on you and I will be her witness.”

Client: “F*** you all. I’m never coming back here ever again!”

(She came back the next day. My brother told her he will not be Puddles’ doctor anymore, and that, in fact, he is gay and not her boyfriend.)


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

Read the next Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup story!

Read the Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!