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She’s Been Placed On The Blacklist

, | Right | December 6, 2012

(I am filling out an application at an empty register counter when I see a well-to-do looking customer screaming at one of the employees. The employee looks close to tears.)

Customer: “Why the f*** can’t I use my coupon? I have a right to this deal. You sent it to my home! I am going to use it now. Take my freaking coupon!”

Employee: “Ma’am, it only works on Black Friday. It is only Wednesday. It is store policy. There is nothing I can do about it.”

Customer: “I just saw another woman use the same coupon!”

Employee: “We sent out similar ones that work for Thanksgiving products like—”

Customer: “Shut up! I know you are too dumb to understand what I am saying. Giving your people an education is a waste. A monkey could do this job. You n*****s have no right to be here, taking jobs from good people, like that girl right here! She is likely going to starve because you rats keep taking all the good work!”

(The woman literally drags me over to where they are.)

Customer: *to me* “Doesn’t it p*** you off that these blacks have their own holiday and excuse us good, Christian, white folks? You need a job and I am going to get this girl fired for you!”

Me: “Let go of me! Are you crazy? No need to be a racist b**** about it. Just because you are racist doesn’t mean she is stupid.”

Woman: “I am not racist! This colored girl can’t do her job. She is obviously too stupid to work here. She needs to go back to Africa.”

(At this point, a man who has been standing off to the side marches up to us.)

Man: *to the customer* “You can leave right now. I am refusing you service.”

Customer: “You have no right to tell me what to do!”

Man: “I do. That employee is my wife, and my father owns this store.”

(As he is saying this, he points up towards a camera. The woman looks up without thinking.)

Man: “Great, now I have your face for the picture I am going to be posting on all the doors. I hope you like driving to [Next Town], because you are now banned from this store.”

Customer: *sulks away, leaving her paid-for purchases*

Man: *to me* “Would you like some free stuff?”

This “Real Man” Requires A Substitute

, , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2012

(I’ve just started a new job after having a baby a few months back. I’m a single mother. I am processing my first refund-to-gift-card transaction. I’m having a little bit of trouble with it, so I ask if they would mind if I called my manager.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This is my first time doing this. Would you mind if I phoned my manager to ask him how it’s done?”

Customer: “Go figure! That’s what happens when we start hiring women! They can’t do anything right, can they? You ought to be barefoot pregnant in the kitchen, not taking jobs from hardworking men.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. I actually just started this job after having a baby.”

Customer: “So, you’re leaving a real man at home to look after your child while you take money for yourself?”

Me: *appalled* “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I’m just going to call my manager to ask him how the refund is done.”

Customer: “Go home to your b*****d baby! Leave the jobs to real men!”

(At this point, a tall, metal-ead-looking man with long hair, piercings, and ripped jeans approaches the counter behind the man. I recognize him as a teacher who substituted for some classes when I was in school. He speaks up.)

Substitute Teacher: “If all the jobs are for hardworking men, what the h*** are you doing here at two in the afternoon instead of working?”

(The customer turned white at the sight of him, gathered up his items, and ran off without getting his refund. I thanked the substitute with my first ever gift card transaction, and he took me out to dinner. He, my baby, and I have been a family ever since!)


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A Few Petals Short Of A Flower

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2012

(I work in Parks and Recreation, and our very public number means that we get a lot of interesting phone calls. An older woman calls me. Please note that it takes her at least a minute to say each sentence.)

Me: “Parks and Rec, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to give you some ideas about going green.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

Caller: “Petunias. The city needs more petunias. Petunias everywhere.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, that sounds like a great idea. Our horticulturists are always looking for feedback from citizens.”

Caller: “I’m not done. I want every household to get a basket of petunias, and if they let them die we need to punish them.”

Me: “Um—”

Caller: “We can make the ethnics do it. It will create responsibility for the drug-heads and the gangster children.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, if I can just—”

Caller: “The petunias need to be protected. We need to have petunia gardens everywhere to create responsibility! It wouldn’t be hard, just go down to the prisons and make the ethnics—”

Me: “Okay! Thanks for calling! Goodbye!”


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Weekly Roundup: Bigots Are Boneheads!

, | Right | September 16, 2012

Bigots Are Boneheads! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about bigoted customers!

  1. Going Bananas (5,891 thumbs up)
    A sexist customer complaining about neutering gets neutered himself!
  2. A War Unwon (3,705 thumbs up)
    A marine who fought abroad unfortunately learns that there are enemies at home, too.
  3. Time To Moooove To Another Cowllege (3,720 thumbs up)
    Move over, racial and religious discrimination: introducing FARM discrimination!
  4. So Pho, So Crazy (3,932 thumbs up)
    A Vietnamese supermarket employee has a run-in with a genocidal customer.
  5. Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood (3,345 thumbs up)
    History is an absolute mystery for this boneheaded tourist!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

No Sense, No Sensitivity, No Service

, , , , , , | Right | September 11, 2012

(I am checking out an older gay couple holding hands, who has been very pleasant, when the customer behind them speaks up.)

Me: “How are you guys doing today?”

Customer #1: “Oh, just great.”

Customer #2: “Hey! Lady!”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer #2: “You’re allowed to refuse to serve people, aren’t you?”

Me: “Um, yes, I can make them go to another line if they cause problems.”

Customer #2: “Well, why are you ringing out these homos?! Kick them out of your line!”

Me: “Um, sir, these men haven’t been causing problems.”

Customer #2: “They’re f***ing f****ts! I can’t believe you’re helping them!” *to the couple* “Get the h*** out of here! She’s refusing to serve you!”

Customer #1: “We’re not doing anything!”

Me: “Please, sir, I have no problem. They’ve been very nice to me. I’m almost done checking them out, anyway.”

Customer #2: “No! No, no, no! I demand that you refuse them service!”

(By now, I’ve finished with the couple’s grocery order.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer #2: “What?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re causing a disturbance. I’m going to have to refuse you service. Please move to another line.”

(He threw a fit and complained to my manager, but the gay couple spoke up in my defense and [Customer #2] was banned from the store.)